today was so rushhhed. haha.

chionged after school to meet my sis to go fetch my brother at the airport. then halfway, miss lee mian jun decided she was hungry, so we stopped to get her some food. then the trains took a longgg time to come, and when we reached the airport, it was 4.15pm and my brother had alrd arrived-_-

haha. the first thing i did when i saw him was to run to him and hug him. then dunno why, both of us just started crying. and we didn speak. we just cried in silence, hugging each other. ahhh. hehe apparently he only missed me!! AWW so sweet right. my mum said he cried twice. once when he just arrived cos my father scolded him for some shit thing-_- (more abt that later) and the second time was when he hugged me! aye. hes always such a sweet darling. abit gay, but still vv nice. hehe.

then we went for dinner, lugging his omgheavy luggage. went all the way to tiong bahru to eat KFC-.- aye i keep giving sian diao faces today. haha. we spent like 1 hour plus eating. then we went home. and my brother got me and my sis presents!! and lots of gum. and and and.. a stack of harry potter cards! featuring all the main characters in the movie. yayyy..

and thats the end of my very short day. haha. off to do eom!!


im damn pissed at u right now.

i cant believe u did that. and i dun think i can forgive u for that. do u noe how much u hurt him?

he arrives home, and ure the first familiar face that he sees. hes obviously elated. he was probably expecting a hug, or a smile from u. but no, u obviously are a pathetic mind reader. even if u didn say anth, it was okay. if u didn hug or smile, it would be still okay. but what did u have to do? u just had to lash out at him. that was the FIRST thing u did when u saw him. FIRST THING, for god's sake. right in front of all his friends. for what? attire. a simple thing like attire. and u had to yell at him in front of the entire world, the entire changi airport, not just embarrassing him, but humiliating him totally, leaving him NO way out at all. felt good, didn u? u thought it was a great move on ur part, didn u?

you are so wrong. so totally wrong.

and im ashamed of u.

do you know how much that hurt him? do u noe how it hurts, to have ur loved one, someone whom u look up to, and respect (maybe) yell at u and humiliate you in front of everyone? did u noe u broke his heart? no heartfelt words of care, no smile, no hug, no "hello, son!", no affection totally. just screaming at him outright. do u noe how ridiculously stupid u were? im sorrie i had to use that word. but yea. u were stupid.

if u wanted to scold him for attire, u could. but away from the prying eyes of the public.

if u wanted to reprimand him, you could. but did it have to be the first thing u do?

if u didn noe, he is YOUR SON. not some freakshit subordinate u have down at work. do u noe the difference? are u able to tell?

i thought u were a smart man.

by the way, he is still a child. if u have forgotten.

Blogged @ 7:04 PM


i miss my brother.

loads.

he'll be coming home soon tho. haha i hope hes enjoying himself in japan.

today my mom and i were out shopping, and somehow, we started talking abt my brother. and we both started tearing. haha. well i never reallie appreciated his presence when he was around me LOL cos hes always so noisy and omg irritating. but now that hes gone overseas, i reallie feel a sense of loss. sibling bond i guess. its like, cos my siblings and i share one room, and being the big sister, its a habit of mine to turn away from the table while doing hw or using the comp every night to check on my sleeping siblings. and normally they will both be in bed. sound asleep. but these days, when i see that empty bed in the corner, ill forget and wonder to myself where my brother has gone to. then ill remember that hes away. and ill just feel this wave of emotion. i guess i just miss him. alot.

i miss the way he tugs his bolster around the house. HAHA.

i miss the way he talks non stop. (man, i miss that fly buzzing in my ear)

i miss the way he'll set his alarm clock to wake himself up at 12 midnight to watch anime. LOL!

i miss the way he laughs goodnaturedly when my sis and i tease him abt his pot belly.

i miss the way he pouts when he doesn get what he wants.

i miss the way he sings at the top of his voice in the bathroom. HAHA.

i miss the way he laughs at everything ppl say.

i miss the way he walks around the house in a singlet and shorts, looking totally like an adorable little ahpek. hahaha.

i miss the way he imitates advertisments or mr brown.(hes v good entertainment)

i miss the way he'll bargain with me for more comp time.

i miss walking into the room and seeing him play monopoly with himself HAHA.

i miss the lame stuff that he does. (eg, taking 20 photos of his soft toy sheep)

i miss the way we chase each other around the house.

i miss the way he comes up to me and hugs me everyday.

i miss the way he'll do anth for me just to see me smile. ( hes reallie the sweetest guy i ever known(: )

i miss YOU, little brother!

come home soon!

Blogged @ 10:13 PM


hello

haha me and euniania went to do cip today! tin can donation for lion befrienders home. before we even got our first donation, we were totally attracted by some mobile icecream seller at queenstown mrt...

euniania: (looks at icecream woman) i want to eat ice cream
me: (flashes euniania a million dollar smile)
euniania: (eyes lighting up) you want?
me: (still flashing that million dollar smile) why not?
euniania: okay! but very bad not, holding the tin can and eating icecream?
me: dun care la. lets eat!

so we ended up holding the tin can on one hand, and holding the ice cream on the other. YAY ICECREAM!

about 20 minutes later..

euniania: where u wanna go for dinner ah?

LOL!

then we did donations for 1 hour.. and we walked back to lion befrienders home. then we went for dinner!! mini food trip at ikea. we ate hotdogs and drank pepsi and ate meatballs and chicken wings! yumyumyum..

and we bought a brownie for vannn cos the brownie reminded us of her hahaha.

then we walked around ikea and laughed at alot of things. and we made up some story about how sammy the sealion and gracie the dugong would go on a date, and sammy the sealion will catch any piece of food that accidentally flies in his way. arf arf arf. wahaha. inside joke.

then we both went home at around 6.30. hehe and now we have a little secret between us=P

i think singaporeans are such an adorable lot. LOL.

i was observing the behaviour of people around us when we were doing that tin can donation thingy. it was super funny, cos ppl were really avoiding us. the tin can can be the ultimate new weapon of the 21st century in singapore. having it on ur hand automatically labels u with a "please avoid me" tag. im not kidding, it was almost like, within a 1.5m radius of me or euniania, there were absolutely NO ppl. euniania stood at the bus stop, and i stood at the opening of the mrt station. and the effect was like WOW. the extent that some ppl went to just to avoid us.. *shakes head*

some would make a detour around the hdb estate beside the mrt station just to avoid being approached.

some would run, pretending to be in a hurry.

some would whip out their handphones and start chatting. (dunno whether real or not. haha.)

and the rest, having no other choice, will walk towards us, gingerly. eyes darting here and there, first looking at us, then shifting their glance elsewhere, pretending not to notice us, and hoping that we had not noticed them. but well, when ure doing tin can donations, u have to be thickskinned XD. so ill just approach them and ask them if they want to donate. HAHA. then they will have this beaten look on their face that says, "okay u win, ill donate" and they sheepishly dig their pockets/purses for shillings and dropped them into the tin can. then ill thank them, tell them have a nice day, and then they will smile (some with a pained look on their face. pained smile. haha.) and walk off.

arent they such an adorable lot? hahaha. i always smile to myself when i see these ppl.

of course, there are the more typical:

those who just say no when i approach them for donations,
and those kind souls who automatically come up to me to donate.

and the practical:

those who check the label on the tin can before dropping their shillings in. HAHA. when they saw it was Lion Befrienders' Home, they looked visibly relaxed and were more willing to donate.

well we all noe the cause. 1st the NKF incident. then the JuEng home incident. naturally people are paranoid. i mean, hard earned money could well be going into the hands of swindlers. and adding on to that, the numerous-until-nearly-uncountable number of forced tin can donation volunteers(HAHA OXYMORON), ie, students who parade the streets of singapore everyday, armed with that ultimate human repellent, asking for donations. well there are also real volunteers who do this tin can donation thing. but most are students who do it for cip hours i guess.

maybe we should take a different approach towards raising funds for these charity organisations. tin can donation was once seen as new, simple yet creative, thus attracted many organisations around singapore. however, now that EVERYONE is doing this tin can donation thing, it becomes boring, dull and irritating. too many of these going around make people less willing to donate.

maybe charity organisations could get its monetary recipients to do handicraft like what some organisations are doing, and put these handicraft on sale in big departmental stores. cos i believe people are more willing to donate if they are actually able to see some results, in some way. like for that tin can donation thingy, once the shillings are dropped into the tin can, no one except the organisation itself will noe where the money actually went to. but if these organisations were to sell handmade items, people who buy them are seemingly exchanging the money for the item, they would be more obliged to do so. its that kind of, "at least i still have something" mentality. besides, not every organisation has to do strictly paintings or ornaments. they could make photo frames, magnets, weave baskets, make pottery, paint pottery etc. and not every organisation has to make their monetary recipients do the job.( though it would be nice if they can get the ppl in the organisation to do it, cos having something to do, or allowing them to help their own organisation would help to colour and enhance their lives.) these organisations can get students to come in to help. that way, the cip hours of these students are spent in a much more meaningful way. much much better than BORING tin can donations.

or well, these organisations could get students to put up a skit in public, abit like buskers, to raise funds for the organisation. its not begging. if ppl say this is begging, then tin can donations are 10 times worse. at least ppl here are using their abilities, or doing some form of work to obtain donations for the organisation. for tin can donations, ppl are literally begging for money.

and the best alternative is: remove all the tin cans, raise taxes of the affluent so that these additional amount of tax will go to the various charity organisations in singapore. that is the simplest method. wahaha. tho i dun think its v feasible. raise gst+raise transport fares+raise prices of some goods=suicidal. ppl will just bao.

okay im done crapping!

i like abrupt endings hahaha.

Blogged @ 10:21 PM


with all due respect,

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

this is a verse from the bible that gouguang ge showed me.

hmm. how do i be patient, kind, non-envious, non-boasting, humble, polite, non selk-seeking, good tempered, forgiving, and rejoice with the truth, protect, trust, hope, persevere at the same time?

its hard.

maybe then, i should stop feeling this way

maybe i should ask for nothing at all from everyone. maybe i should be an obliging girl and do anth for everyone.

i will learn to be an angel.

i will learn to be the angel i never had been.

and i will start by perservering, being patient and accepting.

Blogged @ 8:15 PM


when u make a promise, are u reallie certain that u can fulfil that promise? some ppl like to say, ill be with u forever. but they cant do that, right? so its not true. cos things can change, they can die. blah blah blah.

how do u make a promise and mean it, and do it?

maybe thats why promises are meant to be broken. haha.

do u even care about me anymore?

Blogged @ 10:53 PM


当我和世界不一样那就让我不一样
坚持对我来说就是以刚克刚
我如果对自己妥协如果对自己说谎
即使别人不原谅我也不能原谅
最美的愿望一定最疯狂
我就是我自己的神在我活的地方

我和我最后的倔强
握紧双手绝对不放
下一站是不是天堂就算失望不能绝望
我和我骄傲的倔强
我在风中大声的唱
这一次为自己疯狂就这一次我和我的倔强

对爱我的人别紧张我的固执很善良
我的手越肮脏眼神越是发光
你不在乎我的过往看到了我的翅膀
你说被火烧过才能出现凤凰
逆风的方向更适合飞翔
我不怕千万人阻挡只怕自己投降

我和我最后的倔强
握紧双手绝对不放
下一站是不是天堂就算失望不能绝望
我和我骄傲的倔强
我在风中大声的唱
这一次为自己疯狂就这一次我和我的倔强
就这一次让我大声唱
lalalala...
就算失望不能绝望...
lalalalala...
就这一次我和我的倔强

yay sqdmates, rmb how we used to sing it? i still love all the mayday songs. and shao nian. woots~

okay this is lame. lalala.

Blogged @ 9:08 PM


is there reallie a need?
maybe i should be honest and tell u
its only fair, right?

i hope it all gets better...

Blogged @ 6:58 PM


aye.

guys are such jerks. sometimes. sorrie to all the guys out there. but this is what i feel.

aye, im blogging such a lot these days. haha connie would be proud of me(: and all my other zhong shi fen si. whee.

hmm. ive been thinking such a lot. what do i reallie want in life?

i noe im not a career person. i just want to get married and have kids. but i want an interesting job all the same. hmm, maybe ill go work in the line of service. cos i like interacting with ppl. im a people-person. haha. i thought maybe ill be an air stewardess. but my aunts rolled off their chairs laughing at me-_- v funny meh! okay maybe im too short. but i provide quality service k. haha. then now im thinking maybe ill go into mass com in the future. all the media stuff. suits me actually. but its kinda weird to jump from pure science into humanities. so. i shall still consider. or maybe ill go be a marine biologist. i like taking care of animals. and i love the water. so maybe i should consider. or ill go be an environmentalist. haha i have a penchant and an aptitude for environmental science. cos of the envi science sabbats we had in sec sch. whee. so maybe ill be an environmentalist. AYE. im such a fickle minded girl. tsktsk.

yay okay my sis is back. shalala. shall get to come out with me to buy durians later. whee.

aye i think im quite distracted in this post. haha.

Blogged @ 3:34 PM


okay.

whee! 39 ncos. haha we all have long hair! at least, tts what made us take the photo lol. but its also cos we love one another.

had sabbats recently. me eug van being extremely lucky were put into the same sabbatical: ocean ambassador@ underwaterworld singapore. it ROCKED TOTALLY. haha. if i had a chance ill go back there. reallie reallie.

so the 1st day we din do much. basically we were the guests and we spent the whole day touring the place. and we went to dolphin lagoon and got to touch pink dolphins! they were so adorable. haha.

the second dat was the more memorable of the two. in the morning, we basically did alot of cleaning. the guys cleaned the bigger tanks. ian was cleaning a huge tank with two big turtles and a huge fish in it. haha the marine creatures kept swimming around the legs of the cleaners. nice. we girls started out washing the floor, ridding the cracks and splits of any algae and stuff. haha. we didn noe the water we were using to scrub the floors was seawater! it was only until some of the water got into my eye and it stung, then we realised it was seawater. next, we moved on to clean the smaller tanks. surprisingly i was sensitive to the water in the aquarium. i kept getting electric shocks, so i couldn reallie clean the tanks. haha. aye.

our next task must be the most cruel job in the whole underwaterworld: decapitating prawns. man, it was SERIOUS decapitation! we literally grabbed a prawn and plucked off its head. then its brainjuice would splatter. YUCK with a capital Y man. luckily the prawns were dead alrd. but i still think im not going to touch a prawn for vvvv long.

after that, we did more interesting stuff: feeding! we fed the sharks and the fish. it was reallie freaky feeling the shark chomp down on the fish at the end if the stick. haha the guy was screaming "dun let go! dun let go!" while the shark wrestled with the stick.. cos it reallie feels like the sharks going to drag u down tgt with the stick..

after lunch the programme was more interesting. we did guest services, so we basically helped out at the main exhibition. we took turns to be mascots, and escorts. some of us got a chance to stay at the ray pool and the touch pool to guide the visitors along, and to encourage and nudge them into touching the marine creatures. there was this weird phillipino guy whom i conversed with who requested to have his photo taken with me. hahaha i was quite shocked. cos hes a total stranget but i obliged anyway. then later he came and chatted with me. haha i think he thought i was the staff. got abit of a shock when i told him im a student. lol.

i think one of the highlights of the day was being a mascot. man, it was serious suana in there! steaming like crazy. i think ppl like jy or yg who alrd sweat alot will just dehydrate into raisins if they ever become mascots la. haha. cos even i perspired. and ppl who noe me noe i dun quite perspire. i just radiate heat. lol.

well the 2nd day ended much more quickly than the first. haix, i guess all good things come to an end. i reallie hope to go for this sabbatical again! cos it was truly an eye opening experience.. haha.

Blogged @ 10:04 PM


im just so stressed and upset these days.

i dunno why, but it seems like this year im less happy than last year. this year im more jaded, more easily upset, more easily stressed. emotionally unstable, in other words. maybe its a hormone thing, and maybe ill get over it; things will get better. or maybe its just me. or maybe it was because last year things were simpler; i was more easily contented, workload was lighter, work was easier, things were more predictable. well this year.. maybe you could say that there are more surprises. but i think its probably due a change of environment with different ppl.

its mostly blocks, i guess, thats causing all the tension and stress. other things dun matter much to me. well okay. i screwed my math. screwed. it. totally. and im just afraid ill screw everything else. ppl are telling me i wun, but what if i do? call me paranoid, but it is possible. sure, math is my worst subject, but so what? what if it became my BEST subject? man, if that happens, ill just kill myself. jkjk. but i srsly dunno what ill do. its not like i nvr tried. i did mug. even tho i didn mug 24 hours (ha ha. i doubt anyone can do that) round the clock, but at least i did mug, and i did understand what i was mugging. so i dun think i deserve Us (with the exception of econs) for the rest of my papers.

i guess studies are the only thing i have. as of now. i dun play sports, unless u count lion dance. and even then, i cant do lion dance for the rest of my life. its just not a practical means of supporting myself in the future. esp when im a girl. no one will hire a female coach when they can hire a male coach for smth like lion dance. so i must make sure i work hard and try to do well, (like who would want to do badly?) so i can be whatever i want to be in the future.

i was at sabbaticals today, and i was watching the dolphin trainers at work, and i felt tears prickling my eyes. i dunno why, but the trainers seemed so carefree, and i longed to be like them. im burdened by block test results. i reallie dun want to go back to school on friday, even tho sch ends at 12. i dowan to see any block test paper. i dowan to see my results. i guess im just afraid to face reality. but i reallie am traumatised by my math paper. horribly traumatised. and i dowan to get any other stupid paper back. nvr ever. im afraid ill do badly. but its not because i dunno how to break the news to my mum or what. its because if i do badly, i wouldn noe how to answer to myself. i dunno how to face myself, how to tell myself to work hard and do better. all the tests and exams that i take are stained by my fear of not doing well. even if i do reallie well, i wun be v happy. i noe its bad, cos like this ill nvr be contented, and my expectations of myself will only get higher and higher, and ill nvr be happy. but as of now, im not the top, im nowhere near the top, and i think i suck absolutely at studies. so that gives me a right to fear, doesn it? and tt i think, gives me a right to strive for the best. well, everyone has the right to strive for the best.

haix. im just worried abt my results. cos they matter to me. too much, maybe.

grah but i dowan to see the paper.

hmm im such an irritating, confused girl.

and i just want to pon school.

and be happy. someday..

Blogged @ 4:45 PM


today was sqd bdae celebrations(:

Blogged @ 9:56 PM