u IRRITATING thing.
i just want to KILL u under my thumb.
SQUASH u.
PRESS PRESS PRESS until all your measly JUICE gets SQUEEZED OUT.
then i'll POKE A PENCIL through your MEASLY WORTHLESS body.
pass it THROUGH the OTHER SIDE.
i will LAUGH when i see the BLOOD splatter EVERYWHERE.
such an EXCITING SIGHT!!!
i LOVE bloody messes made BY YOU.
put a piece of THREAD through the HOLE i had just made.
and MAKE a NECKLACE out of u and your MEASLY SELF.
you are NOT WORTHY of our *E***** AT ALL.

i rock. yeah baby.

today ...quite disappointing. try to think over what we told u all. its kind of sad, the feeling of exasperation that you will nvr experience until next time.

the sense of anxiety, to finish and complete tasks on time, because you know there is not much time left for you, yet life asks so much of you. you have too much to complete in too little time.

the sense of anguish, when you know you have been let down, knowing it is not something you are expecting, knowing that things could have been completed in a better manner, knowing that the results would have been much more brilliant, knowing the process, would have been much more fruitful, for everyone.

then there's always the absolute sense of sadness. nothing to describe about, its just this sense of sadness, which makes you want to hide away and sob your heart out. this is the most depressing of the lot that we feel. u just feel so small, so worthless, and u just need to cry and cry away.

the sense of fear, of failing, of impending doom, when things go terribly wrong, whether we can still stand strong and fight. the fear also, of having to face others to argue your case, to bring across your points, whether or not they will accept it.

the greatest fear of all, is having to hold up a falling tower, yet whether or not it can be propped back to its original position we all do not know, but we have this hope, just this little shimmer of hope that perhaps, there might be a chance? of the tower returning to its original position, back to the glory it once had. we will always hold on to the falling tower forever, no matter what happens, we are sure of that. but what we fear most is the day when we no longer have the strength, we no longer have the energy to hold on any longer. then the tower might just collapse, in our hands, and we have failed our duty terribly.

Blogged @ 9:02 PM


wooyeah.

its 10 .37!!!!!!! of course the best time would be 15.37 but haha.

life is

bad.

tmr going to pulau semakao. quite excited! hope it doesn rain though. that time sqdmates went it rained. haish.

feeling dead. and very tired. nvm i shall recount this very very interesting incident at the bus interchange today

there were these two girls, one's a blond, one's an indian and they were talking excitedly behind me in the queue

blond: eh dun pull my hair leh

indian: why cannot?

blond: because there is a tag on my hair that says, "once touched considered sold" so u must pay me one million dollars

indian: but u must give me all ur hair!

blond: no no! only 1 strand!

indian: but i touched so many!!

blond: then u give me ur hair, i give u mine lah

indian: but there's no such tag on my hair!

(laughs)

hi if u girls are reading this and identified urselves, please dun be mad or sue me. haha. i really find this conversation very interesting to i typed it out here! hope u are not offended! =)

hmm. i was reading thru what i just wrote and i found that it like, makes not much sense. hahaha the flow os my content is very weird. hhaha. nvm who cares. i'm feeling eccentric now.

aiyah. blog more when i have more ling gan. hee hee

Blogged @ 10:36 PM


sqdmates leaving tmr.

25/10/05.
jiebin
peiyi
weilin
bixuan
litian

u guys must take care okay? 37 loves u all. we will miss u all. love u guys lots=)
come back safe and sound. and welcome us back too!=P

2.11.05-->me
5.11.05-->yz, oo, mll, hj, jk, ck

we are all flying soon...

india and chiangmai sqddies, take care also! we will all miss u=) always be on ur alerts, and must be sharp! do well there and return home with happy hearts! love u guys lots=)

local CIP sqddies, mt, jp and WEP, cp, u guys must take care too while we are all away! rmb to miss us like we will miss u! =) i'll promise to call. i'll buy the card=P and when i do, we will chat for long periods of time, k? love u guys lots! =)

and hey. i'm flying too, next week, wednesday. u guys must remember to miss me k! and i will miss u all as well, (like duh. haha) i'll be missing u all like crazy and i'll crush ur bones under my hug when i return! love u all. =)

*
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****
*****
******
*****
****
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*

OKAY. serious now. shall recap what has been happening for the past few DAYS only.

firstly, there's the INCIDENT. k. i'll be frank with u. i DO NOT LIKE what u are doing at all. and we DO NOT appreciate it. i hate you for doing this because i do not understand why u are doing this. it makes no ABSOLUTE SENSE to me. can u like please give us a reason? but i want to let u noe now if u read this, we want our way the next round. its only right that we each get a turn at playing this kind of game, if u want it this way. k? i'm being fair here. u win once, we win once. now u have won twice. so we shall win twice BACK before u can win again. dun cheat. we all are watching u. and we are not stupid people. so watch ur back. and watch ur words.

tata.

Blogged @ 10:41 PM


thurday

life goes on. and i've grown stronger=)

after a bad bad fall, i'm glad to be able to pick myself up and carry on again on my long journey. i'm proud of myself for that=)

shall work reallie hard next year so i can achieve what i want, so i will not fall so badly anymore. i need to learn to build a padding for myself so cushion my fall. i got reallie hurt this time, but this will be the last. since young i've been reallie lucky. every fall i've had, someone always offers their cushion for me to save me just in time, or even before i fall. so i've nvr felt the impact of a fall before. but this time, heaven decided to teach me a lesson. no one offered me a cushion. no one bothered to save me. for once, i'm on my own. gravity pulled me down, air resistance pulled me up. but gravity won. i fell. reallie badly. and although i'm still horribly injured and traumatised, i picked myself up admist the tears, and life went on for me.

i once flew. but not for long. but now i will fly again, this time, at a higher level, at a faster pace. i have direction, and i also have something new: destination. with mdm mak's words, i will fly again, over greater horizons, to greater heights, for a greater future, which will belong to me, and solely me. i learnt that i really must work for what i want. so i shall start early, so sew myself a cushion or padding, in case i fall again, i won't be hurt. and i shall also make myself a navigator, to navigate me towards my correct destination. i will survive. i survived this fall, i am prepared for the next, but i know i will not hurt myself even if i fall again, because i am prepared, and i am ready.

bring it on.

Blogged @ 10:43 PM


these days are getting worse.

monday was bad. tuesday was bad. wednesday will be bad...sigh...

i'm scared, scared, scared.

omg someone tell me what to do...

*hugs myself and weeps*

someone just feed me with arsenic. or whatever that's more effective

i just want to die.

dun want report book

i just want to weep, and weep.

Blogged @ 9:41 PM


AH

btw if u reallie need to know, if u reallie need proof, its here.

NATIONAL POLICE CADET CORPS REGULATIONS 4

(3) All uniforms and equipment issued to a member of the Corps under paragraph (2) shall remain the property of the Corps at all times.

(4) A member of the Corps shall not wear his uniform except when he is on duty or undergoing training or is proceeding to or from the place of duty or training.

(5) A person who ceases to be a member of the Corps shall return all uniforms and equipment issued to him under paragraph (2) and shall, unless the Commandant directs otherwise, pay for the cost of any uniform or equipment, or the replacement for any uniform or equipment, which he has failed to return.

(6) The Commandant may refuse to accept any returned uniform or equipment which is in damaged condition (fair wear and tear accepted) or accept the uniform or equipment on condition that the person returning it shall pay for the cost of the repair of or the replacement for the uniform or equipment


see what i mean? i said cannot means cannot. i reallie cannot use my U. k? its not MY RULE. its THE RULE. i reallie carn. sorrie.

Blogged @ 10:07 PM


hello ppl.

i cannot bring my U. its not for a fashion show. its a U. only for act. STRICTLY. stop forcing me!i cannot bring my U. its not for a fashion show. its a U. only for act. STRICTLY. stop forcing me!i cannot bring my U. its not for a fashion show. its a U. only for act. STRICTLY. stop forcing me!i cannot bring my U. its not for a fashion show. its a U. only for act. STRICTLY. stop forcing me!i cannot bring my U. its not for a fashion show. its a U. only for act. STRICTLY. stop forcing me!i cannot bring my U. its not for a fashion show. its a U. only for act. STRICTLY. stop forcing me!i cannot bring my U. its not for a fashion show. its a U. only for act. STRICTLY. stop forcing me!i cannot bring my U. its not for a fashion show. its a U. only for act. STRICTLY. stop forcing me!i cannot bring my U. its not for a fashion show. its a U. only for act. STRICTLY. stop forcing me!i cannot bring my U. its not for a fashion show. its a U. only for act. STRICTLY. stop forcing me!i cannot bring my U. its not for a fashion show. its a U. only for act. STRICTLY. stop forcing me!i cannot bring my U. its not for a fashion show. its a U. only for act. STRICTLY. stop forcing me!i cannot bring my U. its not for a fashion show. its a U. only for act. STRICTLY. stop forcing me!i cannot bring my U. its not for a fashion show. its a U. only for act. STRICTLY. stop forcing me!i cannot bring my U. its not for a fashion show. its a U. only for act. STRICTLY. stop forcing me!

K? STOP FORCING ME TO BRING K? I SAID CANNOT...REALLIE CANNOT. ITS RESPECT. K PLEASE. PLEASE. TRY TO UNDERSTAND. K? PLEASE AND THANKS.

Blogged @ 10:02 PM


i dun feel inspirational today.

dunno why but i think i'm sort of quiet today in school. haha. didn feel like talking much also. didn feel like opening my mouth too much. hmmm...

dunno what's wrong with me today. =( i just dun feel like myself. its like after 1, when sqdmates all started going off, py and mll to IMM, then most went to canteen to eat, and me, pppj and ppfc went home. i dunno why i just want to go home, just dun want to stay any longer in school or go out or anything. and the weirdest thing was i KNEW that if i go home there would be nobody and i'll be alone, which is yea, true, because i'm home now and there IS nobody. but yet i still went home. i could have like, gone home with mud and made my life a whole lot easier but...yea.
i must be crazy. there is reallie something wrong with me. SIGH. and i also realised that since 3 weeks ago i just cannot sleep anymore. i mean, like last time after being horribly deprived of sleep after a week of school, i'll normally go to sleep at 12 on friday night and wake up at 12 the next morning. at least 12 hours of sleep. but now its like...the max i can sleep is 7 hours? dunno why but i will auto wake up after 7 hours. its so super frustrating cos i AM tired but i just cannot sleep after i wake up. then the entire day i'll be feeling so damn moody and damn tired. =( this IS irritating.

maybe i have too much on my mind...

go away, troubles

sqdmates ah...bear with me. =X HELP ME TO HANG ON =X i do hope i'll get better and return back to my old self. maybe after next week, so uh when we get back to school life...then maybe i'll recover.

OKAY. since i'm home i shall do proposal. =)

Blogged @ 3:33 PM


i still decide mondays are horrible after all.

firstly, they are the start of the week. after two days of sleeping and waking up late, u suddenly find yourself getting less than enough sleep when u crawl out of bed on an early monday morning. so its quite a sleepy start to the week.

secondly, ever heard of the phrase "monday blues"? apparently, they happen to be true. well, yea, to some extent. u get people scolding you and spouting all sorts of nonsense which u carn even hear clearly. the only way u could tell he was angry was by the look on his face. yea, i noe, sure, we were noisy. and i admit, maybe we shouldn have been. we should have lowered our voices, so for this i do apologise. but maybe when u spoke what ur righteous self had to say u could have been a little more tactful? phrase it in a nicer manner, perhaps. after all, we ARE girls, and we do happen to be sensitive u noe. anyway, ure forgiven. i take it as a bout of monday blues. and i hope u forgive us too. thx

and then as a bout of monday blues AGAIN, u see ppl on the street shouting at you eccentrically. u walk past and they shout. just like that, out of the blue. won't u get the shock of ur life?! am i supposed to turn to him, bow and say, "oh thanks for shouting. u perked up my day"? WELL, i take it that u are schizophrenic. ure forgiven. but please dun go ard shouting at ppl like that. not many ppl are as grateful and forgiving as i am. and think of the faint hearted.

thirdly, the hardest of the hardest papers happen to fall on monday too. physics. it is the last paper, but uh it happens to be my worst of the worst subject? =X i feel so dead. oh gawd.

EOYs are over! so uh i shall enjoy my life till sunday. then uh i'll start thinking of the paper checking part, and i shall conserve all my tears for monday. =X all the best everyone!

so uh yea. in conclusion, monday is not such a wonderful day after all...

Blogged @ 8:08 PM


finally i have the time to stone and blog. was slacking the entire day today. nope, the exams are NOT over. (oh man dream on...) but yeah physics paper is on monday and i am so going to screw up anyway....doesnt reallie make a diff whether i study or not, i realised. finally understood REFLECTION today. got mrs chua to give me a ten minute crash course. hahaha. thank you mrs chua! =)

yay. tmr i'm going to jurong regional library to STUDY and MUG physics with snail. oh gosh. gotta go take all my ten year series, sec 2 notes, all three textbooks, and ask the head off the snail tmr! she's the pro at physics. oh gawd. both our fathers are supposed to be like engineers? and oh gawd i so let my father down. HAHAHA! (am i supposed to be laughing...)

all the papers were horrible this time...i'll most prob fail everything and get retained and oohlala, there u go. then my mum will freak and my dad will try to kill me and my siblings will look at me and shake their heads, then i'll go to jail for being the most dramatic failure in the world and tadaa we all live happily ever after. oh yar and sqdmates will come visit me in jail then they will talk to me over that phone thingy for like 5 minutes before the officer drives them out. OH GAWD. my mum thinks i'm being paranoid but its not exactly being paranoid if u were ME. she isnt ME so she doesnt noe what i'm talking abt. wait till she sees the results. *evil smirk* (oh man am i supposed to be smirking? god there IS something wrong with me. nvm nvm. mid exam madness)

last paper is on monday. sigh i need a 76 to get 60 for overall!!! i'm so dead. i just carn do physics. someone shoot me and pretend its a natural death. oh gawd. i will work reallie hard for it and uh, hope some miracle happens? *prays* i need a miracle. its IMPOSSIBLE in my case to even pass. SIGH. its not the problem with the teacher that i cannot understand. its the problem with ME. i just dun have the space for physics in my brain. oh gawd. maybe i was born without this thing called logic. hahaha. well it must be true; a lot of ppl think i'm nonsensical. maybe one day i should go for treatment and get some human-made logic, (since we can have man-made insulin, why carn we have man-made logic?) get the logic injected into my brain and maybe then, i'll start talking a LITTLE more sense. hahahaha. good plan. should get it done before my A levels.

oh man. why am i blogging now?! should i be like, studying? this is crazy, it reallie is....

no. haha maybe i shouldn study. shall rest today, then work tmr. yarh i deserve a rest. i'm so wiped out.

okay. got nothing much to say now...maybe i'll blog on MONDAY!!! i love mondays!

Blogged @ 10:02 PM