why issit i dun feel the same anymore?

have i changed? i think i have.

im so different now, i guess. my past feels like an etch-a-sketch drawing. all black white and feathery.

it feels so long ago, but yet i noe its still here lingering. i can sense its presence.

sense its presence. yes. just sense. not feel it, not touch it. i no longer have it. its just somewhere lingering around me. but im no longer attached to it.

why. maybe ive moved on?

but if so why do some things keep bothering me? things keep happening, which forced me to dig up my past. if not, there's always my subconscious mind here to remind my happy-go-lucky conscious mind of stuff. stuff that i thought i had forgotten. stuff that i told myself nvr to dig up again.

i dunno. so much has happened in this period of less-than-three-months. both positive and negative stuff. maybe u can say this is one of the little extremities in life, when the positive stuff are reallie vvv enjoyable, exciting, interesting and heartwarming, while the negative stuff is total bullshit.bullshit that affects u horribly. bullshit that makes u cry, makes u stressed,makes u depressed. haix.

nvm. whatever.

im still wondering how i should tell u. how will u react? what will u think? how would u feel?

these qns kept running thru my head over and over agn. yes im vvv bothered by it. and i NEED to tell u. it will also be a huge relief for me. but i dun dare to tell u. because i can anticipate ur reaction. and im scared of seeing it for real. argh. but i oe i MUST tell u. and i will.

okay this is the end of my vvv short post

Blogged @ 12:36 AM


ive nvr had a happier day in my life.

EUNICE IS POSTED BACK TO HC!!
RACHAEL IS POSTED BACK TO HC!!
MUD DECIDES TO STAY IN HC!!

OMG.

there can be miracles...when u believe...
eug van n i were just listening to this song ytd...then halfway thru, we realised how close this song was to wat was happening.

was it reallie a miracle that eunice came back?
or was everything just a test?
a test of time. a test of sincerity. a test of friendship, sisterhood and love.

if it was a test, then im proud to say that we all passed with ultra flying colours. no matter who it was, the mention of JAE just brought everyone together. everyone was helping everyone else to appeal. the whole atmosphere in HC was tense for the whole of ytd and today. reallie scary.

but at least we pulled thru!

to all who appealed successfully, a reallie big CONGRATS!!(((:
to those who were not so fortunate, im v sorrie. i hope uve enjoyed ur time with us as a sch. ur friends will miss u...but life has to go on. may u love ur new school as well! take care!

to rach:
haha! i only talked to u once. and even then it was virtual chatting! however, i do feel a sense of closeness to u. haha maybe its because of the way we are linked. we have an interesting friendship. HAHA! u dunno how relieved i am that ure staying! ytd i was worried that u might leave hc..

i MUST make it a point to talk to u someday!(:

to eunice:
darling!!! OMG u dunno how worried we were!!!! now finally results out le. u HAVE NO IDEA how ecstatic i was when i heard tt ure in!!! i had an urge to call u guys and scream over the phone! haha.

i dun care. im giving u the biggest bear hug ever tmr!!(:

to mud:
I LOVE YA LOTS!!((:(:(: U ROCK!! thanks for staying!!! we nvr ever separate, do we?;)
10 years and counting, of BESTFRIENDSHIP!

and a BIG THANK U to whoever's up there who's watching over us(:

Blogged @ 12:23 AM


just read jp's blog

started emo-ing all over again.

seriously, sometimes i wonder why i care so much. why i get so pissed over what happened. why im still hanging on to the past and not moving on. its over. ITS OVER! i dunno why i just cant let it go.

and it seems like its only the two of us who are reallie affected by this. n hj and carol. tho they were nvr reallie hit by the magnitude of HIS wrath right smack in the face, they were always there to share it.

its too hard for jp and i to forget.

the way u condemed us a FEW WEEKS into our NCO life.
the way u made numerous EMPTY promises to us. and to think we were actually innocent and stupid enough to believe u.
the way u threw away ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVEN pages of OUR hard work without even looking at it.
the way u used ALL means to stop us from getting what we want. (NYNP had a DAY CAMP. ugh! wat a joke! DID U REALISE HOW HUMILIATING THAT WAS? DID U REALISE HOW DISAPPOINTED THE REST OF THE UNIT WERE? WE ARE A UG. A DAY CAMP IS PATHETIC, U FREAKING BALDING PIECE OF SHIT!)
the way u NEVER follow wat u PREACH.
the way u freaking stood at the back of the hall watching the most freakingly disgusting ceremony going on
the way u nvr failed to spoil things for us again and again.

and now?

why, u simply gave it to them
hmm? did they write ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVEN PAGES?
did they spend 122 days and nights perfecting the proposal for ur viewing??
did they beg u?
did they lick ur boots? polish ur shoes? wash ur transplanted hair?

no, im sure they didn.
but they got it SO SIMPLY.
why ah?
tell me.

ITS BECAUSE URE SIMPLY BIASED.
u practice favouritism so beautifully u engulf all of us in ur embrace.
u spin us round and round in ur intricately spun cocoon so that we will obediently comply to what u say.
then later, u just walk off. disappear. and leave us to suffocate in ur cocoon.
u hoped we'll die, didn u? u thought we died, right?

ure wrong.

havent u ever learnt science? (oH, i forgot. ure a HISTORY teacher. u have only VERY elementary knowledge of science. aye, how could i be so insensitive? tsktsk.)
what comes out of a cocoon, is not dead ppl. its not shit or crap either.
the ONLY thing that emerges from a cocoon is a brand new life.

maybe i should THANK u for creating butterflies out of us.
after all, what doesnt kill u only makes u stronger.

look at us. and look at u NOW. everyone's moved on. we have different lives now. we are happy, contented, and maturing beauifully.
look where u are. ure still in the same place, doing the same mediocre(oH i forgot. maybe making ppl's lives miserable isn mediocre to u at all. u enjoy it, dun u?) job for the same pathetic salary. and what do u get out of this?

nothing.

sober up. what ure doing will nvr get u anywhere. the only change i see in u is ur progressively thinning hair struggling to emerge from ur pathetic scalp. i just dun understand u. u transplanted ur hair twice didn u? both times it failed, didn it? then? u still dun get it? why do u keep wasting resources? just give up! give the hair to someone else who needs it more AND is more fated to have hair on his/her head.

*scoffs* when will u ever learn?

u just dun give a damn, do u?
please. we dun need u to give a damn abt us. but how abt ur child? do u have any idea what implications ur actions might have? hello, earth to u, havent u ever heard of KARMA?

yes, thats right. karma. OH, u just realised it din u? what? what did u say? oH, ure regretting, issit? ooh, and did i hear a SORRY coming from u? why, i dunno wat to say. should i tell u the truth? yes? okay, here goes...

karma is built up over time, u freaking shithead. with ALL the bad and horrible naughty things u have done, no amount of good deeds will ever be able to balance it.

so there.

go pray ba. pray, pray hard.
u'll need it.
tho i dunno who up there will be willing to help u.

Blogged @ 8:05 PM