my exams for the year 2006 officially ended today.

chinese wasnt so bad, i guess. hope i make it.

the moment i stepped home, my mum gave me a hug for having finally completed my exams. then she prodded me on my shoulder, and smiling, said to me, "time to study again ah! next year J1 already!" man, i looked at her in utter shock. i dunno if she noticed my jaw hanging so far down it almost touched the floor. although she laughed later and patted my shoulder, i dunno whether to take her words for real, i mean, like i just finished my exams??

okay, maybe i SHOULD start studying. a BIT. after all, it was study, break....hardly study, then exams finally ended. well. couldn say i put in all my cows and horses for this chinese paper. but i did read, a BIT. haha. but i'm not reallie in the mood to play yet, anyway. first, there's target. oh its excruciating just to think abt it. TARGET. gosh. its bugging me night and day, day and night. dunno when it'll be completed. and i just cant get any ling gan for it! arghh!! i did abt 9 pieces already...even my friend was shocked la. everytime my friend talks to me, i'm always doing target...couldn help but blurt out one day, "eh why u always doing target ah??" well, i didn noe what to reply. =S gosh. haha...

secondly, many of my close friends are still having exams. ppl like ah mud, whom i normally go out with, my cousins dawnnie and leonard-the-irritating-tall-one, friends from other schools, six-ducks, flea, and my other pri sch friends. so even if i go out and play, it wun be so excitingly exciting. because even when ure out playing with ur closest friends, and u think of how ur other friends are slogging away at home for the exams, u cant help but feel a teeny weeny bit guilty. dunno abt u ppl, but for me, i definitely feel a strong twinge of guilt, like i shouldn be out here, but should go home and study like them.

thirdly, i didn reallie study very hard this year, so when everything's over, i dun feel any kind of relief. i feel...the same. *frowns* (i rmb penguin and i were talking and laughing abt how "same" we feel. haha) so i still feel like taking out stuff to read and blah. like normal. just that the stuff i read now will probably be different. haha. like my pill book, and zhichangdachangjin. shall finidh reading them, though i cant gurantee i can rmb every drug in the pill book. i cant even pronounce the names. gosh. i can only noe the drug and tell u its function if you show me the name. grah.

and finally. i got some inspiration for target! yay. i'm happy with how it looks. knew that the pic i found was a good one! haha. hopefully it comes out okay. when i sent it it looked distorted=S. ah well.

yay. my show's starting in 21 minutes. i shall go stone a while before coming back on. tata.

PS. to all out there taking o levels, marry-me-maria sincerely wishes u all the best! may you stay focused throughout the exams and give it ur best shot! break a leg!(:

Blogged @ 4:38 PM


its been nearly a week.

school ended for real today. (except for us who have to go back for o level exams)

quite sad actually. the reality of leaving the school didn reallie hit anyone until ytd. maybe we just took everything for granted. or maybe, it just didn feel like the last day of school. at least, to me, i feel the latter. it seemed like there were many more days to come. i feel so unprepared for jc. gosh. no booklist? no uniform list? no new-school-preparation stuff?

feels so odd. reallie.

4 years reallie flew. i still rmb the first time i set foot in nanyang as a student on the first day of school in 2003. now, i'm stepping out of nanyang, 4 glorious (i wouldn say glorious. colourful, maybe) years later. through that same door, with the same mixed feelings: sad, at leaving my past behind, but happy, at stepping into a new stage in life. except, this time, my past will be locked in the gates of nanyang, instead of in rvps.

its not reallie goodbye for the IP students. we'll still be seeing everyone around. just that we would be in different locations, different lessons, different teachers, different environment, with different classes, different friends, different personalties...

nothing ever stays the same, because the only constant thing is changes.

but i hate change. i am a nostalgic person, i love to bask in memories. i like to leave a place, come back and see everything the way it is. but most of the time, its not possible. take this year. when we leave, most of my subject teachers will be leaving with us. when i come back to nanyang next year, who will i be looking forward to meet? mrs chua, mrs soh, mrs wong...and? of all our subject teachers, the only ones not leaving are the abovenamed. even mdm mak is leaving, which is rather sad. gosh...

even my primary school changed. and what a change it was. the school address changed, school building changed, school building design changed, school teachers changed, school children changed(though this is inevitable cos every year new ppl come in and old ones go...duh..), canteen aunties and uncles changed, the food changed, and i believe the VP also changed. mdm seah left... i loved my primary school, and i still do, actually. its just that when so many things change, u find no point in even going back to the school, because everything seems so unfamiliar. you might as well step into a totally foreign school and try to make urself comfortable. the results might most prob be the same.

all my best memories of my primary school are gone: the large field at blk B where ah mud and i used to go crazy after school everyday catching falling leaves, great world city, still one of our fav places, the lovely canteen auntie at canteen B who sold the most scrumptious mee siam in the whole wide world, our fav drinks stall uncle and aunie at canteen A who used to give ah mud and i heaps of extra ice cream because we were her valued customers, walking into the staff common room anytime we liked just to talk to teachers, chatting with mrs singh and mdm seah, swinging and doing stunts on the monkey bars, hours and hours of ice and water class games, etc etc...

haix. every farewell, my memories fly me back to the past, where i relive some of the best periods of my life...

Blogged @ 11:46 PM




Blogged @ 10:21 PM


we graduated today.

a serious serious mixture of feelings.

i actually felt sad. tears were stinging my eyes when we sang the school song and the farewell song. but i noe deep down inside, a part of me is actually glad to leave. leave for what, leave to where i have no idea. i just noe i want to leave.

maybe its a form of escapism. but what am i escaping from? is there anything worth escaping from in this school? i noe a while back, escaping was the ultimate solution. escaping to us was like walking into paradise. but now the worst is over. is there still anything left for me to run away from?

i suppose i lived my life escaping from things: when my teacher was fierce, i tried to escape by refusing to go to school. when my friends were mean, my mum taught me to escape their taunts by ignoring them. when my father came home from business trips, my siblings and i escaped, avoided talking to him by pretending we were busy. in this life, i had done a lot of escaping. but that, i suppose, contributed to the rebellion that we were destined to go through, and since rebellion is a beautiful phase in our growth from an adolescent to an adult, i suppose u could say, indirectly, that escapism helped me mature.

escapism is common in our society. i dare say no one has lived their life nvr escaping from anything, ever. no. that is not possible. think back on your life, and on what you have done, and you will realise, perhaps in a small crack of your life, when something bad happens, something frustrating and beyond your control happens, you felt like running away. you felt like throwing all this burden off your shoulders and just run. run, run run, to nowhere, for no comprehendable reason. you noe you just want to run. that was a form of escapism. but whether or not you did it is another issue altogether. naturally, escapism comes in two forms: actions and thoughts. even though you might not have reallie escaped, but just thought of escaping instead, it is still escapism. you thinking of escaping, your thoughts of running away serve as a relief to you, who is a pathetic stress victim. thus, you are no different from those who actually escaped by action, except for the implications that come along with escaping for real.

those who silent rebel, ie just have thoughts of escaping, or subconsciously rebel, are generally on the "safer" side, because they probably have less consequences to consider. their most problematic problem would probably be that they would not be able to release/untie???/remove their burden and the knot in their heart (aiyah. jie3 kai1 xin1 zhong1 de4 jie2) and will probably suffer from depression, hbp as a result. but those who reallie escape might most prob regret, and this kind of regret will last a lifetime, because when they were seeking relief for their own selfish needs, (though its not reallie selfish because sometimes things can reallie be potentially problematic and reallie hard to handle, esp if ure on ur own) they might have forgotten their family and friends beside them. and in a desperate attempt to escape, some ppl might commit suicide, which would totally crush the lives of their loved ones. so in their "desperate attempt", these ppl end up with 1)guilty conscience even as a ghost, 2) having everyone hate him/her as a result 3)if he doesnt die, he'll feel horrible guilty for the rest of his life, and will probably suffer from depression and hbp as a result, just like the one above.

yar,

okay i noe this is very slipshod. i dunno what i'm doing because i'm so darn tired. i have a feeling i'll come read this post one day and wonder to myself which incoherent idiot was typing this

okay. feeling reallie gong now..

NIGHT

Blogged @ 11:21 PM


i think i'm a real lucky girl.

i have parents who love me, siblings who dote on me, (though its supposed to be the other way round...but..) and i'm my grandma's favourite.

i have what i want, i have what i need, what else can i ask for?

adding on to those, i have good friends and i lead a happy and colourful life.

i reallie am fortunate. and i dun ask for anything else.

when i see ppl less fortunate, ie, ppl who come from dysfunctional families, or lead an unhappy life, i symphatise with them. genuinely. but i dun pity them; i nvr do pity anyone, because i believe no one likes to be pitied, with the exception of the utterly pathetic.

i dun like seeing ppl unhappy. and i like it when ppl tell me they are unhappy, so i can help make them happier. if i cant solve their problem, i can be by their side to lend them the support which can only come from a friend who cares. and if i make anyone upset, i'll prefer that they tell me, so i can change myself. i just want everyone around me to lead a happy life. is that so hard?

maybe its a bit too much to ask for. after all, happiness is perceptive. i may be easily contented, but others may have high expectations of themselves. but i want my friends to noe that even in their lowest times in life, even in their darkest nightmares, there is someone who cares for u, and who's hand will be forever there for u to cling on to. i will be there to haul my friends out of trouble, to the best of my ability. i will be there as a listening ear for anyone who needs me.

yes. i will do that, for someone to lead a happy life.

Blogged @ 10:44 PM


feel so darn sad today.

dunno why.

not because of results or anything...its just...feeling sad.

because of someone perhaps. this special someone so close to me.

a precious someone whom i cannot ever afford to lose.

actually i knew it all along. but i didn feel sad then.

its just now.

ah whatever. i'm a temperamental girl.

and besides feeling sad, i also feel ultra darn drunk.

cos i've been drinking. with my mum.

quite normal actually. jus that i nvr get drunk. except now.

some wine it was.

pah.

Blogged @ 10:30 PM


the exams went by in a flash.

no wait. shouldn say that. haix, still have one last paper to go...math paper 2. just our luck that paper 2 takes place on monday. monday=monday blues.

monday blues + killer math paper 2 = killer blues + monday paper 2

there. displacement reaction.

argh so lame la.

dun feel like taking paper 2. that sounds so cliche...haha. haix. i wish that monday never comes. but i want the exams to be over!! cant the teachers void paper 2? wouldn life be so much easier? for us and for them. cos since i predict (not me only, everyone) that paper 2 will be a true killer, the teachers better prepare some handy paper bags while they mark our papers. they're going to need them=X

okay...cant spend the entire post lamenting abt stupid paper 2. shall dream abt where i should go after exams. woohoo...

1) must go ice skating. been waiting my whole short life of 16 years and 5 months for this
2) must go shopping. (oh its simply heaven to be among the racks and racks of clothes. shopping with fish is simply divine. i rmb how we tried on everything we liked just for the sake of admiring ourselves in the mirror of the dressing room. ahha)
3) must binge. (fish promised we'll go eat KFC cheesy meal)
4) must watch dvds. all the dvds i have in my home. woohoo...dunno how much i missed. shall go on a harry potter marathon!! watch all 4 harry potter movies!! 12 hours!!!

and many other things.

ah. thoughts of after-exam-periods are always so inviting and delightful. just doesnt make u want to return to reality. however, the irony is, when the exams are reallie reallie over, u just get so bored and want to get back to studying. (at least for me). HAIX. the first thing u worry abt after exams, though, is checking scripts. which reminds me, i shall not go to sch on friday. whoohoo.

i'm crazy.
i'm so totally darn bored.

come online!! u!!
and talk to me!

Blogged @ 8:53 PM