i cut my nails today!

i used a nail clipper!

i did it by myself!

there, three firsts for me. and each occured because of the other.

i'm so proud of myself. anyone who wants to noe my first ever nail cutting experience can ask me!

so long, tata

Blogged @ 10:45 PM


firstly

I AM SO PROUD OF MY SIS!!<3<3<3

okay okay.

hmmm...

i think i'm going to break my promise to whoever that was.

i'm not going to tell u after all....

i'm sorrie. but u'll nvr noe anyway, so its better for the both of us.

u'll just read this, maybe u might feel i'm talkng abt u, maybe u might not. u will only noe that i was thinking of telling u smth, but decided not to. but u'll nvr noe what i wanted to tell u, or why i wanted to let u noe at first but now changed my mind.

in fact....i dun think u even noe who u are...haha. which is all the better.

i dun wish for u to noe. we are happy and peaceful the way we are. why spoil things?

i just want u to noe, i will always love u. and that is one thing that will nvr change.

as for this matter, just leave it to me to cram it into my heart. into a deep deep corner, to be buried in my heart forever. this secret will die with me. so dun worrie abt it.

no one in the world noes abt this. except someone else. also close to my heart. but that someone wun say. and neither will i. so dun pester me to tell u what this is all abt.

if u ever guess, u must noe that i am not angry, sad, depressed or upset in any way. i accepted everything as it came. i was nvr pissed with u for thinking that way. surprisingly i felt a sense of peace. so dun worrie abt it.

i dun want anything to change between us. we're good the way we are.

i love u lots. good night(:

Blogged @ 10:03 PM


if ure talking to a kid, does it mean u needn't respect him/her?

i often ponder.

apparently this is true to my father. he strongly believes in it.

i am a person who lives believing in mutual respect. if i respect u, i expect u to respect me back. that is the rule in my world. i dun see why is it so hard for ppl(population 1, my father) to ahdere to that rule. in all my memory, i see him as a strict man. a distant, strict man. since i was young, he would teach me to say please and thank you, but he nvr did use these words himself. as far as i rmb, it was always us children tending to the likes of him, nvr the other way round. i am not a greedy person; i dun ask for much. but is it too much to request that he speak to me in a nice tone and say thank you when i do him a favour? i think not.

in all his life, my father has been a smooth achiever. born academically smart, he topped hwa chong junior college(now HCI) in his first year and was one out of only four people in the school who got 4 As for his A levels, very rare during that time. he declined an overseas scholarship, went on to NUS on a local scholarship, pursued a degree in engineering (and later, a masters degree) and came out to society to work. he met my mum, who happens to be a very good tempered, obliging person who nvr got angry, got married, and had us. my mum takes care of everything in the house, leaving him to spend all the time he wants in his office, where his second home is. so naturally, we children are not close to our father, since we hardly see him.

i suppose my father's smooth life moulded his character. strong headed, hot tempered, proud, mu4 zhong1 wu2 ren2, old, rigid way of thinking, made up the bad side of him. of course, he is responsible, occasionally funny, and very knowledgeable too. sadly, he doesnt potray much of the good side of him; it is the bad side which i often see. you could say he would have made a good father in the 1950s, 1960s. he is the typical MCP of today, believing in only himself and no one else. as the "head of the house" he strongly believes that what he says goes, and will nvr seek /accept a second opinion. he has his own set of views on things, and it is almost impossible to get him to change his view. till today, he believes that u will have a future only if u go to jc. if u go to poly or anywhere else, ure finished. many a time i have argued with him about this. ( i often argue with him). he just doesnt see my point, no matter how i put it across. he believes in the oddest things. "people in neighbourhood schools are goners". "only the shows which i recommend are good. all the shows u and ur siblings watch are rubbish". "canned food is good. u should only eat the food u like. who cares about ur health?" NO. NO. NO.

*(for the first point, in case u dunno, neighbourhood school kids can turn out even more successful than kids who graduate from top schools! reason being? they are more exposed to society, they are more street smart, and they have a higher EQ generally. they may even have a higher IQ. rmb, they are in neighbourhood schools because they are not academically good. it doesnt mean they are stupid, or dumb, or a goner. sometimes, they are smarter than people from top schools. not good academically DOES NOT MEAN not clever. so maybe singapore should stop looking at solely the academic achievements of people. rmb, EVERY SCHOOL HAS THEIR SHARE OF BADLY BEHAVED CHILDREN AND WELL BEHAVED CHILDREN. there is no GOOD SCHOOL in the world. there are only "academically strong schools". BEAR THAT IN MIND. )

as for the second and third point, its true. he reallie thinks like that. whatever show my siblings and i watch are deemed "stupid waste of time, culture-less, value-less" by him. only shows that he recommends are "good for us". which is something i cannot bear. often, these episodes result in huge quarrels between my father and i. among the three children in the family, my character is the most similar to my father's. i inherited the strongest part of him: strong headedness. i insist on my point, he insists on his. rigid, stubborn, neither of us are willing to give in. often, the quarrel/argument ends with me leaving and going to my room, refusing to argue anymore only out of politeness and remembering that he is, after all, still my father.

just the other day, me, being a young, vain girl, decided to apply nail polish on my nails. having done that, i happily sat on the sofa and watched tv. suddenly, i felt the presence of someone behind me. i looked up and saw my father, looking as black as a thunder cloud. he pointed to my nails and asked in a tone which i didn like, "what are those?" i promptly replied that it was nail polish. then he asked(raising his voice), "what did u apply it for?" in that same, disgusting tone. pissed off by now at the lack of respect he showed when talking to a person, i answered indignantly, "i like it". then of course, that also got him pissed, naturally. and he began raising his voice at me, telling me that i had bad character and all that. then i told him, "my teachers also use nail polish". and he almost-shouted back, "ni3 de4 lao3 shi1 shi4 bai4 lei4!" by then, i was super pissed. but i kept quiet, trying to tolerate a little more. then he went on, to tell me about how i have no culture at all, and yadda yadda. then he said, if he sees the nail polish tmr, he will forcefully scrape it off. and i was thinking, scrape, la. scrape and i'll call the cops. sue u for abuse.

like, hello? all u girls out there, please help me justify myself. is nail polish a CRIME? i mean, seriously, dun most girls apply or play with nail polish? furthermore, its the holidays. and its not like i'm applying nail polish on my father! u must understand the seriousness of the situation...i hardly have privacy. the only privacy i get is bathroom privacy, which of course, thank god, he cannot force me to leave the door open. other than that, even when i need some quiet to do homework or to ponder abt stuff, and shut the door behind me, i would hear him screeching from the living room for me to "open that door at once". even when i use the comp and go online, he likes to walk abt to spy on what i'm doing, who i'm talking to etc. and if he cant see, he will ask me what i'm doing. (suddenly rmb smth he doesnt get to flip through...my handphone. thank god.)

okay, this is just a complainy post from me to the public abt my father. i noe its a sin to talk abt my father like that. ppl say, dun wash ur dirty linenin public. but its either this, or i publish a book. which is better? i think this. lesser chance of my father noe-ing actually...*crosses fingers*

i dun think u can classify this as a hate post. its more like a...venting post. and i'm not even shooting at my father. it seems to me that i'm talking in a roundabout manner to not make my father seem as bad as he is and at the same time, not to exergerate the situation at all. so..u be ur own judge.

Blogged @ 9:56 PM


aiyoh...a'mah and bin ah...my story havent end lah...

and oo, ure welcome! thought u didn receive my sms...haha.

OKAY. to continue my wonderfully exciting sabbatical,

wednesday: so as i was saying, i settled in D clinic, the colorectal dept.

thursday: i helped in a PROCEDURE!!! as in. the doctor was removing piles via ligation(tying of the piles) from some patient's butt. not enough hands, so he got me to help. he thought i was a TEMP/NEW STAFF!! ahahaha. gave him quite a bit of a shock when i told him i'm a student volunteer. but anyway, i got to watch the procedure! quite interesting, though a bit erxin. its just that the circular dilator opened such a huge hole in the patient's butt it looked gross.

friday, monday, tuesday: clinical work.

wednesday-friday: assisting doctors in the room. real cool. i watched every procedure, every check up being done...some are mammogram follow ups, some are piles, ligation, seroma aspiration...very very interesting. its real good exposure. some doctors damn pro. some are just...mediocre. wun say unpro, cos they sure must have their own reason for doing what they do. so...just mediocre. learnt quite a lot, because 1) i have my chem textbook, 2) there are toms of pamphlets in the doc's room. read every pamphlet there is. HAHA! the nurses all very nice....huey mee, jessie, nisha, mani, leong, doris, pauline, aneetha, azma, siti, rose, wendy, eunice, thank you so much for the love, care and concern u guys have showered upon me. thank you for being so patient and friendly with me, even when i made mistakes. i will always rmb u all(: to safarina, thanks so much for being my friend in the past two days. u were great! all the best in ur new hospital/attachment. gambatte!(: to Dr ooi boon swee, prof wong, Dr brian goh, Dr mark katory, thanks for having me as ur assistant. i must be the klutziest assistant around! and the most blur too. haha. esp to Dr ooi, thanks for being so cheerful and for the occasional humourous lines that brightened up my day(:

besides the envi science sabbatical, this is the best sabbatical i ever attended. i'm now more exposed to society, work politics, etc etc. so its reallie good. hahaha. helped me pass time too(:

o levels are over! congrats on those who survived! for those who only end on the 20th, JIAYOU AND PERSERVERE!! it will end soon! (go leonard!! )

okay bye!

Blogged @ 9:18 PM


been working at sgh.

i loved the experience! hahaha

day 1 was boring...did mostly paper work. first i was at the pharmacy. mostly stacking medicine, cutting medicine with yifang. lunch burned a hole in my pocket. then later we were deported to the business office, where we helped lighten ppl's workload by arranging documents in patient's case files. then i went home.

day 2: things stayed as monotonous and mediocre as ever. was deported to the obstretics and gynaecology dept. initially i was excited because i thought i would be able to learn more abt gynaecology. but turned out that those files in the OGC are too private for a volunteer like me to look at, so i was sent to sit in a doctor's room to make folders for the staff there to put the casenotes in. again, lunch burned a hole in my pocket. seriously, dunno why hospital food is so darn ex. it tastes horrible, smells horrible, doesnt settle well in me...the only impressive thing abt it is its price. gosh. after lunch, returned to OGC. this time, i got placed in the staff-room, where i got to tail two very nice nurses everywhere they went. so we went to the MRO, the test room etc. i love the nurses there....ever so friendly and warm. (: later, i got to talk to Sister. had a very nice chat with her and nurse chow. then i left to find mumtaj and went home.

day 3 is when things started to make a turn for the better. i finally settled in clinic E, the neurology dept. did lots of clinical work...like, running errands, making trips to and fro from the MRO. not fun, but at least there are constant changes (oxymoron intended). after lunch, i went to clinic D(under the same sister anyway), colorectal dept. and i stayed there till today. the ppl at clinic D are warmer than the ppl at clinic E. love them to bits!!(:

okay. very distracted now, suddenly dun feel like blogging.

btw, i had a wonderful time today,

BYE!

Blogged @ 10:17 PM


hmm...went to send bx, lt and wl off today. gave them the warmest hug and told them to take care before they left. guess it'll be reallie a long while before we even see them again. six weeks. a darn long time. snail will be flying soon too...this sunday. and honey will be going on friday. and lu4 lu4 xu4 xu4, sqdmates who are going overseas will be gone, those that arent will remain on this little island.

i wonder what i'll do this holiday.

besides the service learning, which only starts on the 7th, and the possibility of going to malaysia to visit my relatives, i dun think i have anything else big on. i'll probably be idling my time away as usual; read a bit, study a bit, go out with friends and family, stone, that's abt it. was thinking of getting a holiday job, but i dunno who'll hire me. if i get a job, i want to do smth meaningful or fun though. dun want to take on some job that just requires me to sit there and stone. i dun want to get paid for stoning. so i shall see. i feel like selling my voice to the world. haha. that'll earn bucks. maybe i'll work with advertising or animation companies: i'll be their voice-over. well.

woke up horribly giddy this morning, puking and stuff. dunno what's up with me. and my sentences, i realised, are awfully choppy today. maybe my brain's going on strike. first it triggered dizziness. then now it made me type choppy. argh....

bye!

i promise u, i promise myself that i will tell u everything after Os. everything. just the way it is. the whole truth and nothing but the truth. i promise. now i need time to think of how i am going to break the news. gosh..

Blogged @ 8:07 PM