hey hallo hallo!!!

yay! its friday again! and i'm glad to say...this week passed much faster than last week! (last week crawled like a snail) i'm adapting to sec 3...yea...and now i can manage much much much better than 1 week ago. sighhhhh.... so happie! and okie...i admit...i was online, but was too lazy to update my beautiful bloggie.

hmm....i'm feeling philosophical todae. shall crap abt life and death matters. life. what's it anyway? u had life when u were an embryo, but why doesn anyone remember being a tiny dot in ur mummie? i bet u had life as a sperm too. but no one ever talks abt meeting an egg, like, "hey, u noe, when i was two minutes old in my mummie, i met a gigantic egg!" why is it too, that i never had any memory of being 1 years old and below, and suddenly, i start to remember things? is ur brain still forming when u are 1? do u even have a memory? if yes, why carn i remember even a LITTLE bit abt my life as a pre-toddler? if no, how did i learn? how did i learn to speak, to walk...how did i toilet-train, if i didn have a memory? i was told i could let out hours of ingenious chatter fluent in both english and mandrain when i was just 1 and a half. i could stamp away with small, quick steps and stopped wearing diapers when i was 1. how on earth did i learn that, if i didn have a memory?

another big question is, why are u, u? why aren i someone else? why am i me? why is it, when i touch me, i feel me? why is it i think this way? what makes my personality? i was quite an unlucky duck when i was little. if there were sweets shared among my cousins, i never managed to get any. if there was an outing to go, i never made it. something else ALWAYS cropped up, like sudden asthma attack, fever, infections here and there etc thus as a result, i used to think: what if i weren't me? would life be different? would i be the mary who always got the largest sweets? or would i be the henry who always managed to stay healthy to make it for outings? i used to think abt other stuff too, like when things happen, why was it we reacted to it the way we did? why didn we do smth else? sometimes, i make mistakes. HUGE ones, which often result in HUGE misunderstandings(depending on the size of my wrong-doing). at that point, i would wonder: if only i had done smth else. so what makes us do what we do at a specific moment? and when smth happens and needs immediate response, what makes us say or do what we did? was it our upbringing? will it make sense to say, if someone's(lets call him A) father is a gangster, when A runs into trouble, like he got scolded by a teacher who threatened to expel him, his first response to the situation would be: kill. KILL. kill the teacher? why is it that, when i say "me" i noe its ME i'm talking abt, and not some other tom, dick or harry? how did i identify with that universal word? how did each individual identify with it?

this world is confusing. the human brain is much more confusing. if u have been killing ur brain cells pondering over what i had written, i'll tell u, hold on. there's more to come. DEATH. this is worse than life, for life can be researched on and death can't. where on earth do u get a live interview of the dead? if something liddat ever comes on screen, i'll probably scream and fall off the chair. i bet everyone will. death. what exactly is it? when u die, they say u stop breathing. they say ur heart stops. but do u still feel? are u still alive, figuratively speaking? have u ever thought, that when one died, he could still be alive, just that he doesn need air anymore, and his heart doesn beat anymore. he can still hear, can still feel. his body is dead, but his soul is still alive...screaming away for anyone out there who would hear him. have u ever considered the feelings of the dead, when they are sent to be cremated? the very moment they are pushed in the crematorium, they could be screaming their hearts out, in pain because the fire scorches them, and because they can't bear to leave everyone. and while ppl out there are mourning for the dead, the dead themselves mourn too. not for themselves, but for the people who mourn for them. they silently shed tears, wishing the others would stop crying for them, or they shall not go in peace. that is one way i interpret death. the other version goes like this

when u die, u fall into a deep deep sleep, so when ur heart stops beating and u stop breathing, it is so peaceful u dun realise it. then u start to dream. if u have done well in ur life, u dream of a beautiful paradise, filled with the loveliest things and the most wonderful dreams a man could ever have. this, is heaven. if u have done evil, u dream a nightmare. fires raging, satan looming into view, cackling ever so cruelly. he was made beautiful, but developed an ugly heart that no one comprehends. torture chambers await u, and from there, chilling screams travel toward u, each telling of remorse, of guilt, each, sending shivers down ur spine as u await ur fate in this burning hell of evil. but u noe u deserve it, for all the bad things u have done in ur life, thus u silently accept fate as u step into torture chamber number 1... and this remains forever. the dead dream time away. the dead dream to ashes in the crematorium. the dead dream to bones and rotting flesh. and this goes on, forever. every dead individual dream. lovely or a nightmare, it depends solely on ur life. and the last version i have thought up, is the most peaceful, the most serene. the one that everyone loves. reincarnation.

as pictured in the movie, nie xiaoqian in 1998(???) the moment ur heart stops beating, u drop straight down into a deep deep ravine, where u meet the many thousands of people who died on the same day as u did. u stand behind the last ghost in the queue. each ghost awaits the hammer, which possessed the magic to make one lose their memory of their life, and issued them the lisence to reincarnate. each ghost hopes the good they had done would bring them a good life in their next life, each hopes for the best. after being hit, u re-enter the world again, as a newborn to a pair of lovely new parents, exploding in elation at seeing u. then u re-live again, as a different person, having a different name, living a different life. maybe that's why u carn remember anything before u turn 1. its because the magic of the hammer only wears off after 1 year...


Blogged @ 7:01 PM