i was thinking on the bus today, how money reallie changes a person.

Blogged @ 8:38 PM


omg

Blogged @ 10:40 PM


okay i shall blog here again haha..

now im staring v hard at the screen, trying to recall what was it i wanted to blog about. my memory is horrible, seriously.

oh dear.

Blogged @ 10:33 PM


i remember i said, that a girl will avoid the person that she likes..

but a girl will also avoid the person who irks her

im sorrie i missed that out the other time.

don't push your luck, please. there's a limit to my patience too. in case you havent noticed, i have a temper. so its a matter of time that i snap.

the bottom line? keep your nose to yourself and stop poking into other ppl's business.

especially business that is of no concern to you.

thanks.


anw, i saw a pretty funny quote in an email. it goes like this: in a relationship, one party is always right. the other, is the husband. HAHAHA. sad for all husbands out there lol..

okay. shall go write crap reflections now for SL. dunno whats the point really. its not as if there's much to reflect about every week. hmm.

Blogged @ 1:08 PM


damn nice song.

We're walking in the air
We're floating in the moonlit sky
The people far below are sleeping as we fly

I'm holding very tight
I'm riding in the midnight blue
I'm finding I can fly so high above with you

Far across the world
The villages go by like trees
the rivers and the hills
The forest and the streams

Children gaze open mouth
Taken by suprise
Nobody down below believes their eyes

We're surfing in the air
We're swimming in the frozen sky
We're drifting over icy mountains floating by

Suddenly swooping low on an ocean deep
Arousing of a mighty monster from its sleep

We're walking in the air
We're floating in the midnight sky
And everyone who sees us greets us as we fly








If I should stay, I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know I'll think of you ev'ry step of the way.

Bittersweet memories that is all I'm taking with me.
We both know I'm not what you need.

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.
And I wish to you joy and happiness.
But above all this, I wish you love.

"I will always love you."

my summarising skills OWN(:

Blogged @ 11:35 PM


my grandma went missing again today.

i was horrified when i heard the news. cos its not the first time she went MIA. and both times, she lost her way going to the market, even tho she goes to the market thrice a week. both times, she left the house at 9am and only came back way after dark. both times, all she had for the entire day was a cup of milo. coincidental?

the first time she went missing, she was found walking IN a canal at pasir ris. a CANAL. she could not rmb how she got there, and she had no idea where she was heading. when a woman found her and contacted us, all we could do was to thank whoever's up there for watching after my grandma. we were reallie lucky it was low tide at that time.

this time, she left the house at 9am today, and she just returned home. throughout the entire day when she was missing, i couldn't stop thinking about her. i felt reallie guilty because i havent been spending time with her at all because i couldn't be bothered. sure, i could use "i was busy" as an excuse for not spending time with my grandma. but like i said, its just an excuse. and im horribly ashamed of myself. i couldnt help thinking, what if smth happened to her? i would seriously regret for life. cos i didn speak to her before she left the house. i havent hugged her for months. sometimes, i don't even greet her when i return home. i should just slap myself and die.

we called the police, and they came to take our statement. then the police started contacting hospitals and stuff to check if there were any accidents involving senior citizens. all that time i was seriously crossing my fingers and hoping the police wouldn find anth, but yet at the same time, i wished they had. then they left, and they called again at 9.30 to check if we had any updates. but duh we didn. then suddenly, my grandma just came home. all she could say was that she spent 18 bucks on taxis. and she started walking around the house with the umbrella she brought with her, refusing to put it down. she couldn or wouldn say what happened. all she did was to lament abt expensive taxi rides. maybe its shock. and she's reallie hungry cos she hasnt eaten for the entire day.. but at least, she's safely home.

when she calmed down a little, i immediately gave her a hug, to tell her that im sorrie that i neglected her for so long. im reallie glad that whoever's up there is watching over her, and bringing her home safely wach time. im reallie grateful for that.

thank you. reallie.

Blogged @ 10:30 PM


ppl say, "its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"

but if having loved and lost means losing a friend, forever,

then i'd rather i never loved at all.

its not worth it, exchanging a brief moment of love for what could be a lifelong friendship. and lets face it, no matter how people try to argue, lost love can never revert back to the friendship it was before. so, no. im afraid of love, because im afraid of what i could lose, if i fall in love again.

someone send me a saviour, to enlighten me, and show me the way.

Blogged @ 10:02 PM


ill be ur cloud up in the sky
ill be ur shoulder when u cry
ill hear ur voices when u call
im ur angel

and when all hope is gone im here
no matter how far u are im near
it makes no difference who u are
im ur angel

im ur angel...

so sweet right, this song. trust me, the tune's even sweeter. haha.

ure really sweet, and i reallie appreciate everything that you have done for me. but i have no more space inside for u right now. im sorry.

in fact, YOU should be sorry. for being so unreasonable. for not making sense. for disrupting the lecture. for being you.

haven YOU ever made a mistake in ur life or forgotten something? ill never believe it if u say u havent. cos ull be a freaking liar.

lying. is it always bad to be lying to urself? whats so bad about laughing heartily when ur heart is bleeding? maybe it heals. i dunno. i guess the real anguish comes, as jlp mentioned, when u return to reality.

so what's real? how do i know im not imagining things? i dream a great deal. too much, sometimes. maybe i imagined everything that goes on in my head. maybe nothing that i told u guys is true. maybe you are far far away. and its my own imagination that made me feel ure always near.

near, far, wherever u are.. so where are u, exactly?
im always wondering where u are.

where is it? catch it, squeeze it, strangle it. kill it.
so it will nvr come back again. never.

and you will never ever do smth like this again. we wont let you. ur every move is killing us, destroying us. i noe u enjoy it, u freak. but even hatred has a limit. if ure gonna bend the rules, so are we. one more year and im out of school and ill be moving on but ull forever be stuck in that miserable place with that miserable amount of hair working miserably for that miserable amt of money. LOSER.

so uve lost. what are u waiting for? pick urself up, and go again. this time, be strong.

please be strong, all will be fine. i promise. i pledge my life. fight it! kill them all! and you will emerge a healthier, stronger, happier person. we love you! we will always be here to support you, no matter what((: we will hold ur hand and pull u forward, out of the black cloud that's engulfing u and holding u back.

im engulfing u with randomness and im enjoying every minute of it!

random is beauty. cos u will never understand what im writing unless ure me. haha. i have thus created a barrier between my thoughts and the prying eyes of others.

hurray(:

Blogged @ 11:10 PM


so much has happened this week and im feeling so disorientated now. it doesn help that i came down with the flu last weekend and it lasted the whole week-_-

well anw. what we were dreading is confirmed. the thing abt dalt. heard it from 39 when we went back for campcraft trng. sigh. i dont want it to happen. i want dalt to belong to nynp forever. like it always has! whats so difficult abt that? why cant that freak understand our relationship with dalt is not some retarded whirlwind romance or some shortlived passion? we truly love dalt and we want it to be with us, tgt with nynp forever. i noe the higher authorities think that we cannot cope with 2 ccas. but dont they understand that dalt and np arent 2 ccas? they are ONE cca. its nynpcc/dalt, not nynpcc and dragon and lion dance troupe. i was talking to hj abt it. lamenting and cursing a certain someone. hj said that in the eyes of the higher authorities, ie the school, we cannot cope. cos we're achieving nothing out of np and nothing out of dalt as well. its not like we're especially successful or especially prominent in any field. thats true. i agree. we're not like our ma'ams were, before. but cant the school allow some leeway for a group of girls and their passion? its not like we're wasting resources or anth. we dont use much money. in fact, we MAKE MONEY FOR THE SCHOOL through dalt every new year during caiqing. (talk abt being ungrateful!) besides, they need us for welcoming and stuff. so we're useful. in a sense. hj says the school has its reasons, cos we're supposed to be an academic school, so naturally the school has got a reputation to uphold, and results to maintain. plus the IP, we definitely need to keep a certain standard. so they're worried that we arent able to perform as well in our academics and even pull the school standard down. but i dont believe any of our juniors are underperforming. in fact, many of them are above average or even the creme de la creme of the school. so who are they to pinpoint us and tell us that we should close our cca down cos we may be underperforming in our schoolwork?

sometimes the adults dont have enough reason to make a judgement, but they still go ahead to do it cos they believe that they are right. and they make these decisions and judgement at the expense of other ppl: "i have my reasons. (favourite phrase number 1) just as long as i feel what im doing is right, who cares about u? ure just students, children. what do u noe? "

yeah yeah thats what YOU think. but when ure the third party, like me and hj, u see much clearer.

so dont think i dont know what ure up to. i believe u noe perfectly well that separating dalt and np is going to cost us our cca cos both will probably close down. how do we, nynpcc/dalt get our just-hit-the-mark 20 ppl every year? through the fact that half of them joined for np and half of them joined for dalt. after the separation, do u honestly think we're still gg to get 20 ppl? i dont believe so. if everyone were so eager to join np, we wont be slogging out guts out every orientation to make ourselves as appealing to the sec 1s as possible. alot of us in np didn even put it as one of our choices; the school just threw us in to make the attendance. some of us unfortunate ones stayed, but some also left. no one blames those who left, cos u shouldn be forced to do stuff that u reallie didn want to do in the first place. but to those who stayed, thank u. and we're glad u found happiness in np.

sigh. okay im gg abit off tangent. but just thinking of our survival worries me. cos i believe we wont survive for long. and i noe thats what a certain someone has been waiting for. you just cant wait to see np and dalt close down, right? u freaking piece of shit.

anw thru talking to hj, we kinda came up with a win win soln. which i wun discuss here. DUH. cos its not confirmed and we've yet to tell the rest. but i hope with this soln, we'll be happier, though survival of our cca is still not guaranteed. sigh.

yeah so that was the big event that was bothering me most of the time. theres also this other big event, no this other big person actually, thats been reallie stressing me out. *rolls eyes*

i cant believe im actually so freaked out. by a person. ive nvr felt like that abt a person. the urge to run away, to hide, to make myself permanently unavailable. ARGH. and this stress has been giving me gastric these days. -_-

mud says she'll glare at this person the next time she sees "it" HAHAHA. shes the bestest best friend ever((:

and last night i got all stressed out trying to reserve seats! haha so dumb right. mud was so sweet, to come along and be with me the entire night until some of my class ppl came. me and mud by ourselves didn manage to reserve many seats, just the round table and two square tables. lol and we had to negotiate areas with nick loh and nick foo who came to reserve seats for 7A. but later yize eug su yingjie mingfui jy ian box came and took over me and mud, so i pei-ed mud home. hahaha i certainly hoped the class had fun last night! mud was asking whether i was sure i wanted to go home with her lol. so i told her next time still got chance to go out with junior class mah. haha. then she was more relieved.

okay. tmr's mugging day with mud! we made a pact to go to the library every sun to mug. heh its only january and im feeling so tiredd alrd. oh well. okay this is the end of my v long post. toodles!

Blogged @ 2:27 PM


just heard the news from jiaolian ytd.

i still cant believe it.

i hope YOU die. just go to hell, thickhead.

Blogged @ 12:30 PM


okay. here i am again.

my father's home alot these days. he keeps taking leave from work, for fun. maybe to be closer to us, but no offence, hes making the home environment reallie awkward. its so weird seeing him at home all day. besides, when hes home he keeps the aircon in his room on and the room becones kinda like a "sealed room" where my siblings and i cant enter freely as and when we want without feeling awkward. okay at least for me, i feel awkward. i cant reallie be myself these days. how i behave, where i put my stuff, even the television programmes that i watch are being closely scrutinised. so much that ill rather spend my entire day out with other ppl. which is what ive been doing.

what makes it worse is that mom's been all grouchy these days. shes always been my source of support, the sunshine in my life, cheering me up when im down, (yes i do get upset too, and i do need cheering up sometimes, even tho i may be the sunshine in the lives of others) but now she snaps at me everytime i speak to her-_- and she spends most of her time giving me curt replies sometimes i just dowan to speak to her anymore. i just detest curt replies. from anyone. it makes me feel unwanted, unloved and uncared for. and it makes me feel like i dont matter and i should shut up. so yeah, i just dont like it. i dunno why cant ppl make the effort to speak nicely, and explain stuff instead of snapping at and ignoring me. i mean, its not like i havent been a good daughter. sure, im naughty at times, and i misbehave, and i like to tease my mom alot, but since she started snapping at me from a few days back ive tried to be the perfect daughter. tried to understand more, tried to obey, tried not to say anth or do anth to make her mad. but i guess it doesn work-_-

sometimes she snaps at me so much i feel tears in my eyes. thats how much im hurt.

im not a person who cries when im bullied, or irritated or whatever. but this time im upset. cos maybe my mum's someone whos reallie close to my heart. like my sis and mud. and they matter alot. their opinions matter, how they view me matter. and in this case, how they treat me matter too. even if this is probably just temporary. but it still hurts. loads.

i seriously hope this is reallie temporary. tho i doubt it.

i want my mom back. sigh.

damn menopause. damn those hormones.


************************************************************************************

anw today the crazy club went to krabi! krabi is beautiful with many exotic flowers! and we also took alot of videos of weird ppl going to and coming from krabi. we even met an eccentric woman who's krabi passport was deemed invalid by the customs and couldn return to her country. we also took photos of the national monument of krabi, and we met a pair of tourists whose flight had been delayed due to flying crabs in the air.

so yes it was fun! the next time round, the crazy club shall go to somewhere more exotic=)

HELLO TO ALL KRABI CITIZENS, I DONT MEAN TO POKE FUN AT UR COUNTRY LIKE THIS, BUT WHAT HAPPENED WAS WHEN WE WERE CHECKING OUT THE ARRIVALS LIST, WE SAW THAT AN AIRPLANE WOULD BE FLYING IN FROM KRABI. WE WERE IGNORANT AND DIDN NOE WHERE KRABI WAS, SO WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE RATHER FUN TO CREATE OUR OWN IMPRESSION OF KRABI WITH OUR IMAGINATIONS. SO PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENCE. =)

but back home, i googled krabi, and discovered that its actually a very beautiful province in thailand. so see, we were right abt krabi being beautiful! but the flying crabs (krabs) and national monument of krabi resembling a crab pincer is all rubbish, hahaha. forgive our ignorance!

Blogged @ 10:14 PM


today was 38's farewell.

how fast time flies, eh?

only 4 years ago, we were sec 1s: shy, terrified cadets, who didn have a clue abt np life. now, we're j1s, coming back to the unit to help them out in campcraft comp, and attending the POPs and farewells of our cadets.

and today, we send our first batch of juniors off.

farewell has always been a time, when batches come back to see one another. at least, to me. cos 14 out of 16 of my sqd is in hwachong, thanks to IP. and minting and gen, who arent in the same sch as the rest of us, visit often enough for us not to miss them. so farewell is kinda like a diffeent event for us. we dun go back to catch up with one another (we do that only too often in school), but we go back, i guess, to see how much ma'ams have changed, how cadets have grown, and most imptly, to have fun with one another.

batch 37 has always been kinda anti-other-batches. we only stick to ourselves, never reallie mixing around much with cadets or ma'ams. haha i dunno how others see us. but i love us, i love the way we are, though we get totally carried away when we're tgt. but thats what makes us special and unique. we're close and comfortable enough with one another to totally lose ourselves in our own company. tell me, how many groups of 16 ppl can do this?

okay by now maybe ure like bored that i keep going on and on abt how much i love my sqd. haha. but i guess no amount of words can describe my sqd perfectly, cos there's just too much abt us.

anw, moving on. today there were only abt 5 of us? haha. but we had fun. at first it was pretty boring. cos we mostly sat around and self entertained, as usual. but later me and minting went out to snitch marshmallows. then after awhile, cadets had to leave the bbq pit to go for sqd time with their ncos, and me and minting had the pit all to ourselves! *hops around in glee* so we were zihighing at the pit, then 35 ma'ams came along. still feeling high, we decided to cook ma'ams some food. then later, all ma'ams left save for angela ma'am who stayed with us. had a vv nice chat with her. haha. talked abt life, abt studies, IP, school, sqdmates, nco-life (which me and minting had ALOT TO RANT ABT) and boys, of course. haha ma'am commented abt boys from various schs; who makes good bfs, who makes good husbands, who u shouldn ever date. lol.

well i guess thats what its all abt, isnt it? in np, u keep a barrier. but out of np, u learn from each other. everyone goes thru different experiences, so sharing will definitely be fruitful. and as seniors, we should always guide our juniors along. not just in np, but whenever they have any problems, we should be there to help them if need be. maybe not physical help, but even as a listening ear, i think that would be nice. cos the world's a stage, and everyone's in the cast for the play on the stage. so everyone's a friend.

and here's smth more interesting:

when minting and i were walking out of the condo today, (conneh py and lengjel went off first) we met meichun's mother. haha she asked us abt np, and how we managed our time, and how tough life was for us. of course there was the usual "np takes up alot of time, hor?" issue which most parents brood over for the 4 years we're committed to our cca. but minting and i enjoyed chatting with mrs fong very much. cos she reallie is a v pleasant woman. she didn chide us "ma'ams" abt taking up so much time for np, or complained abt trainings or wev. instead, she was more concerned in her daughter's development in np as a person; "campcraft.. so dirty, but meichun washes her clothes herself", and she held us in awe, amazingly, "i respect u all so much! i thought ma'ams were very old ppl, but u all are so young!"

i reallie respected mrs fong. she understood why we had to have these activities, and despite thinking that np takes up alot of time, she didn blame us for it. haha. she was shocked to discover that we are alrd j1 going on to j2. we were assuring her that time reallie flies, and before she noes it, batch 40 would have graduated.

and its true. 4 years ago, i never thought i would survive to see this day. because of everything we went thru.

but we did. and so would 39 40 41 42 and so on. everyone will graduate one day as ma'ams and as nanyang girls. but its the memories u take along with u that will tell a different story abt each and every batch. for us, we hold scarred but precious memories of our np life. but i hope, that our juniors will have a better life than us.

what doesn kill u only makes u stronger. learn to take things in ur stride, come what may, juniors.

Blogged @ 11:49 PM


stupid blogger deleted my post. GRAH.

I LOST MY WALLET=(

its like black with grey cats all over it.

dun ask me why i lost it. im a human, for goodness sake. so i make mistakes too. and dun ask me where i lost it. if i knew do u think ill bother typing this post?-_-

so please if u see it, return it to nanyang girls high school. it has my nanyang card in it anw.

this wallet is vv precious to me because:
1) the wallet is from my sqddie jb
2) my ezlink card is inside
3) so is my medical benefit card
4) but most imptly, everything my friends give me that can fit into my wallet are inside! and these include sqd photos, tianwang neoprints, my parents' photo, me and mud's photo, birthday cards from my friends, get well notes, lame poems, and all those ridiculously retarded haikus mud wrote abt eating rabbits HAHA.

and of cos i have my money and a ton of receipts inside.

so yes im missing my wallet alot alot. please return it if u have it or happened to pick it up.

its not the money issue, as u realise. the money u can have. i dun give a damn abt the money. money is a worldly possession, shared by all, belonging to no one in particular. money lost can be earned back, likewise, money gained can be lost. but its whats inside thats reallie precious and matters to me. and its because its reallie precious to me that i would stupidly carry everything around with me. sigh.

ive been thinking of my wallet every single minute since i discovered it was lost (im not kidding) and yea thats how much i miss my wallet. and thats how much i love my wallet too. i nvr loved anything/anyone so much in my life. gosh.

so please, do a good deed and return my wallet. ill be reallie reallie grateful if u do. thanks.

Blogged @ 4:16 PM


i never hide my hatred for anth or anyone.

get used to it.

Blogged @ 11:07 PM


i TOLD u u cant close dalt down.

because now not only I stand against u.
not only my sqdmates stand against u.

but also all ma'ams, all cadets. 38 39 40 41. ALL ALUMNI.

NOBODY will allow u to close dalt down, thickhead.

get that straight.

i read a cadet's blog, and i was rather touched by her insistence that we do not close dalt down. then after talking to ma'am and 38 today about this, i learnt that almost every cadet loves dalt, and doesn want it to close down, and im even more inspired than ever to FIGHT FOR DALT'S SURVIVAL.

im not a dalt head of my time (conneh and jb are), and i wasnt in dalt for the 1st 3 years of my np life (due to parental objections). but ever since i joined dalt in sec 4 (when it was made compulsory), i grew to love it. more and more. so much that i quit huangcheng for lion dance in hwachong (much to the disappointment of choonyenXD) and i still love dalt very very very much. so no matter what the consequences are, i will do my part to fight for dalt's survival in nanyang. because i believe one should follow her passion. and its just not fair to deny someone of their pursuit of their passion and interest just because of some STUPID EXCUSE THAT SOME THICKHEAD CAME UP WITH TO SATISFY HIS OWN SELFISH DEMANDS.

ma'am today suggested that if dalt really has to close down, let 41 finish their syllabus first. and that, i think, is a brilliant suggestion. thickhead better buy it or else. well anw. even if he doesn, we will all get our way.

cos mr always gets her own way, and this is no exception.

so sod off, thickhead.

Blogged @ 10:37 PM


today is blogging day. because its just so boring staying at home. alone.

i love my family a million times more than i love myself. (like duh who doesn noe that)

i love my friends more than i love myself. (duh again)

i miss my cesuozhu :(

alot alot.

going out tmr with maliling and sqdmates!((((((:

finally i wun feel lonely. haha.

theres a void inside me. waiting to be filled. now i noe how su feels. cos im feeling it too. i feel so empty? and staying at home and feeling bored doesn help it one bit. i need to find something fufiling to do to fill the space in me, or at least to occupy me so ill stop thinking of that space.

im getting a splitting headache. the second one in 2 days.

whats with u and ur ups and downs?

why wun u reply?

i hope im not sending u the wrong signals.

im pissing ppl off without knowing it.

im just weird these days. sigh. i dun even noe me anymore.

i have no idea where im heading. but i certainly hope im not taking the wrong steps.

cos i cant afford to make another mistake again.

Blogged @ 4:45 PM


i love this song so much. its by the spice girls haha.

"Viva Forever"

Do you still remember
How we used to be
Feeling together, believe in whatever
My love has said to me
Both of us were dreamers
Young love in the sun
Felt like my saviour, my spirit I gave ya
We'd only just begun

Hasta Manana,
Always be mine

Viva forever,
I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live forever,
For the moment
Ever searching for the one

Yes I still remember,
Every whispered word
The touch of your skin, giving life from within
Like a love song that I'd heard
Slipping through our fingers,
Like the sands of time
Promises made, every memory saved
Has reflections in my mind

Hasta Manana,
Always be mine

Viva forever,
I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live forever,
For the moment
Ever searching for the one

Back where I belong now,
Was it just a dream
Feelings unfold, they will never be sold
And the secret's safe with me

Hasta Manana,
Always be mine

Viva forever,
I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live forever,
For the moment
Ever searching for the one [x2]

Blogged @ 3:16 PM


went out with mudd today

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUD!!!!!!:D:D:D:D:D

we first had breakfast at macs, as usual. then we went to orchard! dropped off at cine cos we wanted to watch the last breath and thought cine would have. in the end, they dun seem to have it. not wanting to waste time, we got shane to help us check for cinemas showing the last breath. hahaha asked him for help since he watches alot of movies and thought he might noe. then turns out.. no cinema is showing it! mud and i didn want to believe it, so we walked all the way to plaza sing JUST in case the websites have missed it out (though not quite possible since its such a tua cinema) but as usual, we were wrong. so we settled for gameplan, which turned out to be a pretty good show! very touching and very funny. so the 9.50 (hefty price for a movie ticket, tho its a public holiday but so what? its still like daylight robbery) was KINDA worth it.

between the buying of the tickets and the watching of the movie.. we had like 1.5 hours to spare. so we went shopping!

...as usual. lunch was bubble tea and twisties and subway cookies. i noe i noe. junk food. but its nice! walked into Sasa, where i nearly died-_- thanks to the perfume. i didn noe i was allergic to perfume. but okay la, hahaha its all my fault!XD cos it was like mud's bday, *okay actually, its more like because mud and i are out tgt ALONE* we MUST must do smth siao. as usual haha. so today's siao event was stepping into Sasa and trying out all the tester perfume. THANKS to my lousy aiming skills, i ended up spraying most of the perfume on myself and mud and we walked out of the store smelling like a flower shop.

THEN IN THE CINEMA...

the perfume was choking me. just this particular scent that kept wafting through my airways. im somehow allergic to it; the perfume was causing my airways to close! so i was coughing and coughing like shit cos i couldn breathe-_- so smart lo play with perfume. i SWEAR i wun touch any of those bottles again! the worst thing was i couldn rmb which bottle it was exactly, or which brand HAHA. we sprayed like 20 over bottles la.

somehow i survived the movie, and i walked out of the theatre with mud, coughing my lungs out. we rushed to the toilet, where i took medication. good thing i brought my preventer. tho not inhaler, but nvm, it helped abit. it was better after we walked out of ps. cos like, in the open air, perfume molecules diffuse and all. and i dun smell so much of it!

then we walked from plaza sing to far east, looking into shops along the road. hahaha and i was busy sniffing myself! trying to trace the particular scent which was killing me. but i couldn be sure. so just dao and walk on. then after far east, we trooped to taka and stoned there abit, looking at clothes and all.

then we went home at around 6.30, i nearly died for the 8 seconds i was in the lift HAHA and i came home, showered immediately but.. i still have the scent on me! its so PERMANENT. so yeah im still dying. coughing and all. and its too cold out to go wash my arms to rid myself of the smell. guess ill just have to bear with it and hope the perfume rubs off on my bedclothes then ill be saved=D i can change my bedsheets but i cant change my skin! but its not too bad now cos i have my inhaler with me at least! and my family's here to send me to the hospital if need be. LOL.

moral of the story: asthmatic ppl should never play with perfume! *cough cough*

Blogged @ 10:27 PM


i was just watching the 9pm show on channel 8.

they said,

if a couple can remain good friends after they break up, it can only mean 2 things:
1) they were never reallie in love in the first place
2) they are still willing to do everything they can for each other

HMM.

Blogged @ 9:35 PM


i was just watching the 9pm show on channel 8.

they said,

if a couple can remain good friends after they break up, it can only mean 2 things:
1) they were never reallie in love in the first place
2) they are still willing to do everything they can for each other

HMM.

Blogged @ 9:35 PM


im liking me more and more.

cos i write whatever i want

and i publish whatever i want

this is life, man.

XD

too bad to those who feel offended.

cos mr doesn think shes in the wrong

Blogged @ 12:18 AM


how can u all not fight back?

its our cca they are closing down.
its our family they are breaking apart.
its someone's income they are cutting.
its someone's passion they are taking away.

and to make it all worse,

its SOME IDIOT u guys will be succumbing to.

how can u all not fight back?

************************************************************************************

i dont think it takes much. just a letter? a petition?
im horrified to hear that dalt is closing down. cmon. DALT IS CLOSING DOWN.
were u all sleeping?
when were we known as just nynpcc?
we were always nynpcc/dalt.
nynp in itself is unique. but NYNPCC/DALT is what makes us impressive. singapore's first all girls troupe.

WOW.

thats how everyone went. WOW. with caps.

im not pushing for dalt to remain because of the WOW factor. sure, its tempting. but im pushing because THEY ARE CLOSING IT DOWN WITHOUT REASON.

at least, its not a reason which i would deem valid.

so then, i ask again, how can u just let it go?

how can u all succumb to authority JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE AUTHORITY?

doesn make sense, does it?

even if u have to succumb, at least make sure u succumb for good reason.

if u all have alrd fought hard, i dunno, and still fail to save dalt, then i guess there's not much of a choice. but if u guys have not, then my scolding is justified.

so u guys better do smth abt it.

or WE are coming down.

Blogged @ 12:00 AM


played squash with minting today.

SQUASH IS FUN!XD

watched choral night with my sis and eeanna.

i love nanyang.

sometimes.

nah. actually i just like the building, and the teachers lol.

Blogged @ 11:53 PM


okay. outing in 2 hours! meeting minting at kap for lunch before gg ny. lol. today was destined to be a boring day.

until me and minting came up with some genius plan to keep ourselves entertained=D

but the rest arent gg to like it LOL.

dun care. heheXD

im feeling flabby and i need a workout man. yuzhen's always busy and doesn have much time for me=( so i guess ill be spending this holidays moping abt the house. not too bad actually. ill have more time for myself. ill have more time to be with myself to do what i like to do. haha.

was talking to posana ytd abt pri sch. its so nice knowing everyone remembers all the fun we had in pri sch. its such a.. warm feeling. knowing everyone's missing primary sch like shit. seriously, its only the rvps 2002 students who are missing pri sch so much. haha. and posana was so sweet:

"ill rmb posana forever. even when im an old man, ill still remember posana"

then i went, "the best name huh?"

and posana said, "yup. the best."

damn nice. pri sch friends are still the best. its like, we never had so much fun anywhere else, or with anyone else. no offence to my sec sch and jc friends. haha. u guys are great, but im just missing pri sch=(

sigh.

growing up hurts. real bad.

Blogged @ 10:13 AM


im sorrie

for doing what i did yesterday.

but i guess it had to be done. cos there was no longer any point in holding on. holding on will only hurt.

i gotta move on and be who i am
i just dun belong here, i hope u understand
we might find our place in this world someday
but at least for now, i gotta go my own way.

i sent u this song, if u rmb.

i hope it was a mutual decision yesterday, and not just a decision on my part. but even if u were hurt, u would never let me know. and thats just dumb, keeping it all to urself. if i ever said anth abt not wanting to know how u feel, i take my words back. cos i'd rather be hurt and feel guilty than let u bottle up everything and die from an overdose. at least when i know whats wrong, we share the stress.

and thats what friends are for, as cliche as it sounds. (all these cliche phrases fit in at the most uncliche moments. lol.)

there is never a right time to say goodbye.

but we've never said goodbye. cos we're still friends. we'll still help each other, and laugh(maybe) and talk(maybe). and i still see u as a good buddy. someone i can count on. i hope u do too.

haha rmb the tip i gave u? bear it in mind k. very very very impt;) and heres another tip: get rid of ur sanfenzhongredu problem. cos while u can like an item on a whim, u cant do that to a person. that would mean ure having a fling=ure a flirt. HAHA hard to imagine u as a flirt. okay. am i making sense? lol. nevermind

anw,

thank u for always being here and for everything we've shared(:

growing up hurts.

but life goes on.

Blogged @ 9:55 AM


bubble bubbly bubbling!

now im happy((:

COOKIE BAKING CIP WITH PIGO!

doesnt this rawk=D

mr is easily contented(:

Blogged @ 7:20 PM


for how long are you going to run away?

for how long are you going to do this to me?

you're not playing your part.

i hate you.

sometimes.

Blogged @ 6:25 PM


today i went nutz with yuzhen. hahaha.

OP IS FINALLY OVER!!!

ended at 10(: then stoned in sch for awhile. then went with suhui and yize to KAP. lol. had a crazy time. me and suhui team up to niao yize HAHAHA.

uncle niao.

then we all went back to sch, saw the second half of 79 preparing for presentation. hope they all did well!!!((: haha. stoned in sch with suhui (i was waiting for yuzhen and suhui was waiting for her STRUDEL DATE=DD), reading foxtrot. hmm we're v good at stoning. finally yuzhen came then we went to interchange and drank BBT! had a hard time placing our orders cos we were too busy avoiding uncle BBT. -_- could tell he was trying to avoid us too. it was damn awkward, placing ur orders without looking at the person behind the counter. then we went BML, on the way stopping by NTUC, as usual. stoned there for 30 mins deciding what to buy HAHA. we also stopped at the various shoe shops and boutiques along the way, browsing through clothes and accessories. we had time on our hands anw. finally we arrived at BML, went around looking for books, saw bonzo and laughed our heads off as usual. think shes kinda used to it. loll. sorrie bonzo! but ure good entertainment, whether or not ure aware of it=)

stoned (again) in library, reading comics for abt 2 hours? before setting off home. yuzhen came over to print stuff. then shun bian watch the 5.30 show. hehe. then shun bian visit ppl's friendster profiles and write nonsensical testimonials to spam their profile. LOL poor alex and caineliew. and POOR ME=( yuzhen forced me to write one for her using my account hahaha. dont care im gonna make her write me one back=P

okay, thats the end of my very fun day. hahaha havent been so happy and carefree in such a long time!(:

tmr im getting up early to send my parents off at the airport with junjun. they're going to china, leaving us kids alone in SG. WOOTS~ we have eeanna coming to stay, and money to spend HAHA. rocks. looking forward to lots of fun home alone!XD

ps. SORRIE YUZHEN. HAHA using ur name feels so weird. must think of a new name for u! cos he said that mud means. hmm. yea u noe. LOL.

okay will tell u when i think of a name!!!!=DDDD

Blogged @ 10:24 PM


im very good at doing things on impulse.

but ive a very bad memory.

so i tend to forget what ive said or done.

im sorrie if i hurt u.

forgive me.

Blogged @ 10:23 PM


im a human.

and all humans are selfish.

therefore im selfish.

forgive me.

Blogged @ 9:18 PM


it felt so good letting all that out. ((:

dun get me wrong. i dun hate u. its just, letting out whats been bottled inside me for so long.

Blogged @ 2:29 PM


i havent been here in eons. literally.

last post dated 3 Aug? haha. when have i gone so long without blogging? or did i?

im no longer the frumpy, frivolous girl i once was at the beginning of this year. im no longer 100% positive, happy, or even crazy like before. ive even lost the naivety that made me different from others. in other words, im just a typical 17 year old now. or worse. is that good? fitting in like the rest of my peers? personally i dun think so. im even beginning to find myself boring.

where have i gone? seriously. jaded by schoolwork, projects, irresponsible individuals and relationships, yea, ive spelt it all out. but ive never been so affected before. nothing, i repeat, NOTHING, that stood in my way was enough to change my character. deep down or on the surface, i dunno, im still the same old me. unique the way i am, special and precious in the eyes of some. but some part of me has changed. im more tired, i get bored easily, i no longer think the world is beautiful. in some ways. maybe im getting old? haha. but thats like. -_- ure 17 years old and u claim ure getting old.

maybe one day ill find myself back. somehow.

and here ill make a promise to myself: ill never never let anything or anyone change who i am. no matter what.

cos its not worth it.

*******************************************************************

this year wasnt as good as it started out. maybe its fate? maybe its just an obstacle i have to cross for a better life. (HA HA better life-_-)

the gods have been funny, planting weird ppl in my life this year. i have wonderful friends, ppl who will be there for me no matter what. ppl who treasure me, ppl who enjoy my company, ppl who love me as much as i love them. but there were also ppl who were rude, irresponsible, irritating, unreasonable, blah blah.

i noe i have done wrong too. cos it takes two hands to clap. but i just wish that they found me as irritating as i found them. its fairer that way.

anw.

Blogged @ 1:31 PM


someone once said..

the person who brings u the greatest joy will also bring u the greatest pain.

if the pain the person brings is too much to bear, or if the person brings u more pain than joy, then perhaps its better to let go.

but then again,because of this, its the occasional joy the person brings that will reallie enhance your life, and make u treasure that person more. to the hopeless romantic, this little bit of joy is worth holding on to.

haha okay. so random!

today lion dance was crazily fun. alot of zihighing. HAHA and the rabbit emoticon imitating!!

and su eug van and i all have new names(:

eug=euniania
van=vansasa or vasasa
su=suhuhu or susuhu

me.. im.. mi ongong!

i dun want to be mimi ong omg. haha. sounds so...

auntie.

im not an auntie!XD

anw it all started cos i call eug euniania and van vansasa so they decided to punish me. lol.

now gouguangge is yugugu.

sounds damn tribal wahaha. NICE.

Blogged @ 9:10 PM


today was so rushhhed. haha.

chionged after school to meet my sis to go fetch my brother at the airport. then halfway, miss lee mian jun decided she was hungry, so we stopped to get her some food. then the trains took a longgg time to come, and when we reached the airport, it was 4.15pm and my brother had alrd arrived-_-

haha. the first thing i did when i saw him was to run to him and hug him. then dunno why, both of us just started crying. and we didn speak. we just cried in silence, hugging each other. ahhh. hehe apparently he only missed me!! AWW so sweet right. my mum said he cried twice. once when he just arrived cos my father scolded him for some shit thing-_- (more abt that later) and the second time was when he hugged me! aye. hes always such a sweet darling. abit gay, but still vv nice. hehe.

then we went for dinner, lugging his omgheavy luggage. went all the way to tiong bahru to eat KFC-.- aye i keep giving sian diao faces today. haha. we spent like 1 hour plus eating. then we went home. and my brother got me and my sis presents!! and lots of gum. and and and.. a stack of harry potter cards! featuring all the main characters in the movie. yayyy..

and thats the end of my very short day. haha. off to do eom!!


im damn pissed at u right now.

i cant believe u did that. and i dun think i can forgive u for that. do u noe how much u hurt him?

he arrives home, and ure the first familiar face that he sees. hes obviously elated. he was probably expecting a hug, or a smile from u. but no, u obviously are a pathetic mind reader. even if u didn say anth, it was okay. if u didn hug or smile, it would be still okay. but what did u have to do? u just had to lash out at him. that was the FIRST thing u did when u saw him. FIRST THING, for god's sake. right in front of all his friends. for what? attire. a simple thing like attire. and u had to yell at him in front of the entire world, the entire changi airport, not just embarrassing him, but humiliating him totally, leaving him NO way out at all. felt good, didn u? u thought it was a great move on ur part, didn u?

you are so wrong. so totally wrong.

and im ashamed of u.

do you know how much that hurt him? do u noe how it hurts, to have ur loved one, someone whom u look up to, and respect (maybe) yell at u and humiliate you in front of everyone? did u noe u broke his heart? no heartfelt words of care, no smile, no hug, no "hello, son!", no affection totally. just screaming at him outright. do u noe how ridiculously stupid u were? im sorrie i had to use that word. but yea. u were stupid.

if u wanted to scold him for attire, u could. but away from the prying eyes of the public.

if u wanted to reprimand him, you could. but did it have to be the first thing u do?

if u didn noe, he is YOUR SON. not some freakshit subordinate u have down at work. do u noe the difference? are u able to tell?

i thought u were a smart man.

by the way, he is still a child. if u have forgotten.

Blogged @ 7:04 PM


i miss my brother.

loads.

he'll be coming home soon tho. haha i hope hes enjoying himself in japan.

today my mom and i were out shopping, and somehow, we started talking abt my brother. and we both started tearing. haha. well i never reallie appreciated his presence when he was around me LOL cos hes always so noisy and omg irritating. but now that hes gone overseas, i reallie feel a sense of loss. sibling bond i guess. its like, cos my siblings and i share one room, and being the big sister, its a habit of mine to turn away from the table while doing hw or using the comp every night to check on my sleeping siblings. and normally they will both be in bed. sound asleep. but these days, when i see that empty bed in the corner, ill forget and wonder to myself where my brother has gone to. then ill remember that hes away. and ill just feel this wave of emotion. i guess i just miss him. alot.

i miss the way he tugs his bolster around the house. HAHA.

i miss the way he talks non stop. (man, i miss that fly buzzing in my ear)

i miss the way he'll set his alarm clock to wake himself up at 12 midnight to watch anime. LOL!

i miss the way he laughs goodnaturedly when my sis and i tease him abt his pot belly.

i miss the way he pouts when he doesn get what he wants.

i miss the way he sings at the top of his voice in the bathroom. HAHA.

i miss the way he laughs at everything ppl say.

i miss the way he walks around the house in a singlet and shorts, looking totally like an adorable little ahpek. hahaha.

i miss the way he imitates advertisments or mr brown.(hes v good entertainment)

i miss the way he'll bargain with me for more comp time.

i miss walking into the room and seeing him play monopoly with himself HAHA.

i miss the lame stuff that he does. (eg, taking 20 photos of his soft toy sheep)

i miss the way we chase each other around the house.

i miss the way he comes up to me and hugs me everyday.

i miss the way he'll do anth for me just to see me smile. ( hes reallie the sweetest guy i ever known(: )

i miss YOU, little brother!

come home soon!

Blogged @ 10:13 PM


hello

haha me and euniania went to do cip today! tin can donation for lion befrienders home. before we even got our first donation, we were totally attracted by some mobile icecream seller at queenstown mrt...

euniania: (looks at icecream woman) i want to eat ice cream
me: (flashes euniania a million dollar smile)
euniania: (eyes lighting up) you want?
me: (still flashing that million dollar smile) why not?
euniania: okay! but very bad not, holding the tin can and eating icecream?
me: dun care la. lets eat!

so we ended up holding the tin can on one hand, and holding the ice cream on the other. YAY ICECREAM!

about 20 minutes later..

euniania: where u wanna go for dinner ah?

LOL!

then we did donations for 1 hour.. and we walked back to lion befrienders home. then we went for dinner!! mini food trip at ikea. we ate hotdogs and drank pepsi and ate meatballs and chicken wings! yumyumyum..

and we bought a brownie for vannn cos the brownie reminded us of her hahaha.

then we walked around ikea and laughed at alot of things. and we made up some story about how sammy the sealion and gracie the dugong would go on a date, and sammy the sealion will catch any piece of food that accidentally flies in his way. arf arf arf. wahaha. inside joke.

then we both went home at around 6.30. hehe and now we have a little secret between us=P

i think singaporeans are such an adorable lot. LOL.

i was observing the behaviour of people around us when we were doing that tin can donation thingy. it was super funny, cos ppl were really avoiding us. the tin can can be the ultimate new weapon of the 21st century in singapore. having it on ur hand automatically labels u with a "please avoid me" tag. im not kidding, it was almost like, within a 1.5m radius of me or euniania, there were absolutely NO ppl. euniania stood at the bus stop, and i stood at the opening of the mrt station. and the effect was like WOW. the extent that some ppl went to just to avoid us.. *shakes head*

some would make a detour around the hdb estate beside the mrt station just to avoid being approached.

some would run, pretending to be in a hurry.

some would whip out their handphones and start chatting. (dunno whether real or not. haha.)

and the rest, having no other choice, will walk towards us, gingerly. eyes darting here and there, first looking at us, then shifting their glance elsewhere, pretending not to notice us, and hoping that we had not noticed them. but well, when ure doing tin can donations, u have to be thickskinned XD. so ill just approach them and ask them if they want to donate. HAHA. then they will have this beaten look on their face that says, "okay u win, ill donate" and they sheepishly dig their pockets/purses for shillings and dropped them into the tin can. then ill thank them, tell them have a nice day, and then they will smile (some with a pained look on their face. pained smile. haha.) and walk off.

arent they such an adorable lot? hahaha. i always smile to myself when i see these ppl.

of course, there are the more typical:

those who just say no when i approach them for donations,
and those kind souls who automatically come up to me to donate.

and the practical:

those who check the label on the tin can before dropping their shillings in. HAHA. when they saw it was Lion Befrienders' Home, they looked visibly relaxed and were more willing to donate.

well we all noe the cause. 1st the NKF incident. then the JuEng home incident. naturally people are paranoid. i mean, hard earned money could well be going into the hands of swindlers. and adding on to that, the numerous-until-nearly-uncountable number of forced tin can donation volunteers(HAHA OXYMORON), ie, students who parade the streets of singapore everyday, armed with that ultimate human repellent, asking for donations. well there are also real volunteers who do this tin can donation thing. but most are students who do it for cip hours i guess.

maybe we should take a different approach towards raising funds for these charity organisations. tin can donation was once seen as new, simple yet creative, thus attracted many organisations around singapore. however, now that EVERYONE is doing this tin can donation thing, it becomes boring, dull and irritating. too many of these going around make people less willing to donate.

maybe charity organisations could get its monetary recipients to do handicraft like what some organisations are doing, and put these handicraft on sale in big departmental stores. cos i believe people are more willing to donate if they are actually able to see some results, in some way. like for that tin can donation thingy, once the shillings are dropped into the tin can, no one except the organisation itself will noe where the money actually went to. but if these organisations were to sell handmade items, people who buy them are seemingly exchanging the money for the item, they would be more obliged to do so. its that kind of, "at least i still have something" mentality. besides, not every organisation has to do strictly paintings or ornaments. they could make photo frames, magnets, weave baskets, make pottery, paint pottery etc. and not every organisation has to make their monetary recipients do the job.( though it would be nice if they can get the ppl in the organisation to do it, cos having something to do, or allowing them to help their own organisation would help to colour and enhance their lives.) these organisations can get students to come in to help. that way, the cip hours of these students are spent in a much more meaningful way. much much better than BORING tin can donations.

or well, these organisations could get students to put up a skit in public, abit like buskers, to raise funds for the organisation. its not begging. if ppl say this is begging, then tin can donations are 10 times worse. at least ppl here are using their abilities, or doing some form of work to obtain donations for the organisation. for tin can donations, ppl are literally begging for money.

and the best alternative is: remove all the tin cans, raise taxes of the affluent so that these additional amount of tax will go to the various charity organisations in singapore. that is the simplest method. wahaha. tho i dun think its v feasible. raise gst+raise transport fares+raise prices of some goods=suicidal. ppl will just bao.

okay im done crapping!

i like abrupt endings hahaha.

Blogged @ 10:21 PM


with all due respect,

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

this is a verse from the bible that gouguang ge showed me.

hmm. how do i be patient, kind, non-envious, non-boasting, humble, polite, non selk-seeking, good tempered, forgiving, and rejoice with the truth, protect, trust, hope, persevere at the same time?

its hard.

maybe then, i should stop feeling this way

maybe i should ask for nothing at all from everyone. maybe i should be an obliging girl and do anth for everyone.

i will learn to be an angel.

i will learn to be the angel i never had been.

and i will start by perservering, being patient and accepting.

Blogged @ 8:15 PM


when u make a promise, are u reallie certain that u can fulfil that promise? some ppl like to say, ill be with u forever. but they cant do that, right? so its not true. cos things can change, they can die. blah blah blah.

how do u make a promise and mean it, and do it?

maybe thats why promises are meant to be broken. haha.

do u even care about me anymore?

Blogged @ 10:53 PM


当我和世界不一样那就让我不一样
坚持对我来说就是以刚克刚
我如果对自己妥协如果对自己说谎
即使别人不原谅我也不能原谅
最美的愿望一定最疯狂
我就是我自己的神在我活的地方

我和我最后的倔强
握紧双手绝对不放
下一站是不是天堂就算失望不能绝望
我和我骄傲的倔强
我在风中大声的唱
这一次为自己疯狂就这一次我和我的倔强

对爱我的人别紧张我的固执很善良
我的手越肮脏眼神越是发光
你不在乎我的过往看到了我的翅膀
你说被火烧过才能出现凤凰
逆风的方向更适合飞翔
我不怕千万人阻挡只怕自己投降

我和我最后的倔强
握紧双手绝对不放
下一站是不是天堂就算失望不能绝望
我和我骄傲的倔强
我在风中大声的唱
这一次为自己疯狂就这一次我和我的倔强
就这一次让我大声唱
lalalala...
就算失望不能绝望...
lalalalala...
就这一次我和我的倔强

yay sqdmates, rmb how we used to sing it? i still love all the mayday songs. and shao nian. woots~

okay this is lame. lalala.

Blogged @ 9:08 PM


is there reallie a need?
maybe i should be honest and tell u
its only fair, right?

i hope it all gets better...

Blogged @ 6:58 PM


aye.

guys are such jerks. sometimes. sorrie to all the guys out there. but this is what i feel.

aye, im blogging such a lot these days. haha connie would be proud of me(: and all my other zhong shi fen si. whee.

hmm. ive been thinking such a lot. what do i reallie want in life?

i noe im not a career person. i just want to get married and have kids. but i want an interesting job all the same. hmm, maybe ill go work in the line of service. cos i like interacting with ppl. im a people-person. haha. i thought maybe ill be an air stewardess. but my aunts rolled off their chairs laughing at me-_- v funny meh! okay maybe im too short. but i provide quality service k. haha. then now im thinking maybe ill go into mass com in the future. all the media stuff. suits me actually. but its kinda weird to jump from pure science into humanities. so. i shall still consider. or maybe ill go be a marine biologist. i like taking care of animals. and i love the water. so maybe i should consider. or ill go be an environmentalist. haha i have a penchant and an aptitude for environmental science. cos of the envi science sabbats we had in sec sch. whee. so maybe ill be an environmentalist. AYE. im such a fickle minded girl. tsktsk.

yay okay my sis is back. shalala. shall get to come out with me to buy durians later. whee.

aye i think im quite distracted in this post. haha.

Blogged @ 3:34 PM


okay.

whee! 39 ncos. haha we all have long hair! at least, tts what made us take the photo lol. but its also cos we love one another.

had sabbats recently. me eug van being extremely lucky were put into the same sabbatical: ocean ambassador@ underwaterworld singapore. it ROCKED TOTALLY. haha. if i had a chance ill go back there. reallie reallie.

so the 1st day we din do much. basically we were the guests and we spent the whole day touring the place. and we went to dolphin lagoon and got to touch pink dolphins! they were so adorable. haha.

the second dat was the more memorable of the two. in the morning, we basically did alot of cleaning. the guys cleaned the bigger tanks. ian was cleaning a huge tank with two big turtles and a huge fish in it. haha the marine creatures kept swimming around the legs of the cleaners. nice. we girls started out washing the floor, ridding the cracks and splits of any algae and stuff. haha. we didn noe the water we were using to scrub the floors was seawater! it was only until some of the water got into my eye and it stung, then we realised it was seawater. next, we moved on to clean the smaller tanks. surprisingly i was sensitive to the water in the aquarium. i kept getting electric shocks, so i couldn reallie clean the tanks. haha. aye.

our next task must be the most cruel job in the whole underwaterworld: decapitating prawns. man, it was SERIOUS decapitation! we literally grabbed a prawn and plucked off its head. then its brainjuice would splatter. YUCK with a capital Y man. luckily the prawns were dead alrd. but i still think im not going to touch a prawn for vvvv long.

after that, we did more interesting stuff: feeding! we fed the sharks and the fish. it was reallie freaky feeling the shark chomp down on the fish at the end if the stick. haha the guy was screaming "dun let go! dun let go!" while the shark wrestled with the stick.. cos it reallie feels like the sharks going to drag u down tgt with the stick..

after lunch the programme was more interesting. we did guest services, so we basically helped out at the main exhibition. we took turns to be mascots, and escorts. some of us got a chance to stay at the ray pool and the touch pool to guide the visitors along, and to encourage and nudge them into touching the marine creatures. there was this weird phillipino guy whom i conversed with who requested to have his photo taken with me. hahaha i was quite shocked. cos hes a total stranget but i obliged anyway. then later he came and chatted with me. haha i think he thought i was the staff. got abit of a shock when i told him im a student. lol.

i think one of the highlights of the day was being a mascot. man, it was serious suana in there! steaming like crazy. i think ppl like jy or yg who alrd sweat alot will just dehydrate into raisins if they ever become mascots la. haha. cos even i perspired. and ppl who noe me noe i dun quite perspire. i just radiate heat. lol.

well the 2nd day ended much more quickly than the first. haix, i guess all good things come to an end. i reallie hope to go for this sabbatical again! cos it was truly an eye opening experience.. haha.

Blogged @ 10:04 PM


im just so stressed and upset these days.

i dunno why, but it seems like this year im less happy than last year. this year im more jaded, more easily upset, more easily stressed. emotionally unstable, in other words. maybe its a hormone thing, and maybe ill get over it; things will get better. or maybe its just me. or maybe it was because last year things were simpler; i was more easily contented, workload was lighter, work was easier, things were more predictable. well this year.. maybe you could say that there are more surprises. but i think its probably due a change of environment with different ppl.

its mostly blocks, i guess, thats causing all the tension and stress. other things dun matter much to me. well okay. i screwed my math. screwed. it. totally. and im just afraid ill screw everything else. ppl are telling me i wun, but what if i do? call me paranoid, but it is possible. sure, math is my worst subject, but so what? what if it became my BEST subject? man, if that happens, ill just kill myself. jkjk. but i srsly dunno what ill do. its not like i nvr tried. i did mug. even tho i didn mug 24 hours (ha ha. i doubt anyone can do that) round the clock, but at least i did mug, and i did understand what i was mugging. so i dun think i deserve Us (with the exception of econs) for the rest of my papers.

i guess studies are the only thing i have. as of now. i dun play sports, unless u count lion dance. and even then, i cant do lion dance for the rest of my life. its just not a practical means of supporting myself in the future. esp when im a girl. no one will hire a female coach when they can hire a male coach for smth like lion dance. so i must make sure i work hard and try to do well, (like who would want to do badly?) so i can be whatever i want to be in the future.

i was at sabbaticals today, and i was watching the dolphin trainers at work, and i felt tears prickling my eyes. i dunno why, but the trainers seemed so carefree, and i longed to be like them. im burdened by block test results. i reallie dun want to go back to school on friday, even tho sch ends at 12. i dowan to see any block test paper. i dowan to see my results. i guess im just afraid to face reality. but i reallie am traumatised by my math paper. horribly traumatised. and i dowan to get any other stupid paper back. nvr ever. im afraid ill do badly. but its not because i dunno how to break the news to my mum or what. its because if i do badly, i wouldn noe how to answer to myself. i dunno how to face myself, how to tell myself to work hard and do better. all the tests and exams that i take are stained by my fear of not doing well. even if i do reallie well, i wun be v happy. i noe its bad, cos like this ill nvr be contented, and my expectations of myself will only get higher and higher, and ill nvr be happy. but as of now, im not the top, im nowhere near the top, and i think i suck absolutely at studies. so that gives me a right to fear, doesn it? and tt i think, gives me a right to strive for the best. well, everyone has the right to strive for the best.

haix. im just worried abt my results. cos they matter to me. too much, maybe.

grah but i dowan to see the paper.

hmm im such an irritating, confused girl.

and i just want to pon school.

and be happy. someday..

Blogged @ 4:45 PM