[my name is unique=)]

2008-12-27T20:38:00.002+08:00

i was thinking on the bus today, how money reallie changes a person.

its like, hmm. u see that stuff on tv all the time, tho a little extreme (gotta exaggerate for media's sake), cos sometimes ppl dun reallie get arrogant and haughty when they get rich. but they still change. mostly its the mindset, the way they view money as a form of convenience that makes them seem different.

for example, people are alot more reckless when they've money. they tend to do more crazy stuff, without thinking of the consequences, because they CAN PAY FOR ANY DAMAGE. its like, why should i think so much? just do whatever i like lah, anth just pay lo, i have cash, and its not like i cant afford it. attitude problems.

another type of change is like, hmm, have u ever suddenly rmbed a friend's birthday, then because ure too lazy to go make smth for her personally, u resort to buying stuff instead? i have, and i hate it. when i was little, and poor, cos no parent gives a preschool kid money, i'd make presents for my mom on mothers day, and on her birthday. no matter how ugly i drew, how out of shape my handmade flower was, my mother always loved it, because i made it.

when u make a present for someone, ure giving her part of yourself. your sincerity, your time, your efforts, your heart. but when u simply buy a present for someone, what are u giving her? yes the present, and what else? time needed to look for the present? effort to find the present? oh yes, money, to buy the present? yes perhaps u give the same things in context, but its all so.. mercenary. its all so mechanical, like a conditional exchange, whereby ure using money to buy time, effort and sincerity. whereby ure using money to buy the smile on ur friend's face when she sees the present. its.. just so.. EEW. i think its fine to buy, if what u think your friend reallie needs, or would loves cannot be handmade easily, for example, a camera, or a rare antique. and its okay if u buy a gift for an accquaintance, but if u dunno what to get for ur friend, because u dunno what suits her or dunno what she wants, then i think its better to handmake something, than to buy smth at random, which she probably may not need after all.

i dunno, when i was in NP, it was tradition to make presents for ma'ams, and sqdmates too, as a result. no matter who made them, because it was always done together as a company, or as a sqd, the presents reallie look great in the end. and they are reallie very creative. last time we created a mountain and a delta out of styrofoam, cos we were from the company delta haha. we used uhu glue to corrode away the styrofoam to make a depression for the delta, representing the river. we also used to bake different kinds of cookies, make our own games to give our ma'ams. we even tried to make our own decorative candles, and glass bottles of ma'ams names suspended in different shades of coloured gel, forming a gradient. from the juniors i received handmade slippers, a macdonalds happy meal box with different homemade food to represent the items inside, like they made a huge cookie to symbolise the burger. i also received a handmade plush toy, sewed and decorated, handmade photo albums, laminated cards and so on. all these gifts are not only time consuming, creative and sincere, they also serve as grounds for learning. team building, new baking tips, new ways of using icecream sticks etc etc. so all along we're used to making presents, and receiving handmade gifts in return.

i dunno why and when i stopped doing what i did for so long

but from today on, ill make my friends presents, and not buy them, unless reallie necessary.

2008-12-25T22:40:00.002+08:00

omg

sqd outing was so funny today!

the original plan: go kbox, then picnic at marina barage. sounds reallie nice right? hahahaha. but then when we planned this we expected the sqd turnout to be... at least half, as pigo said.

THEN THIS MORNING..

pigo: eh, i think reallie not many ppl coming leh..

mr: hmm?

pigo: u see ah.. (starts counting, who's sick, who's overseas, who MIA..)

mr: (zones out, replies smses)

pigo: ... then, we're left with only, FOUR PPL!

mr: WHAT!?

so yes, kiewy, ah bi, pigo and i had an outing hahahahaha.

we walked from city hall to central, had lunch at some ramen shop, taught a little boy how to make faces, got the evil eye from his mom, then took a bus to bugis, visited conneh and brought her some christmas cheer, went to kinokuniya at bugis junction to read and wait for yuzhen (finally, 5 ppl!) then walked again, from bugis to... plaza sing! hahahaha. then went to daiso, bought stuff, like food. then went to sit and rot in macdonalds. ate fries and caramel corn, made use of the sms chat thingy. then stoned some more, and went home(okay i went to the airport heh)

woohoo!

tho its very little ppl. and we didn do much, i still enjoyed myself today! walking and talking and eating is FUNNN. its a 37 thing, eating, hahaha. the thing is, no matter what special trait or common interest the sqd shares, as long as everyone enjoys doing it, it doesn really matter what it is. could be cleaning toilets for all i care. cos its the spirit we share that matters.

WHEEEEEE........

next sqd outing, we'll make it good!

2008-11-28T22:33:00.002+08:00

okay i shall blog here again haha..

now im staring v hard at the screen, trying to recall what was it i wanted to blog about. my memory is horrible, seriously.

oh dear.

2008-05-19T13:08:00.002+08:00

i remember i said, that a girl will avoid the person that she likes..

but a girl will also avoid the person who irks her

im sorrie i missed that out the other time.

don't push your luck, please. there's a limit to my patience too. in case you havent noticed, i have a temper. so its a matter of time that i snap.

the bottom line? keep your nose to yourself and stop poking into other ppl's business.

especially business that is of no concern to you.

thanks.

anw, i saw a pretty funny quote in an email. it goes like this: in a relationship, one party is always right. the other, is the husband. HAHAHA. sad for all husbands out there lol..

okay. shall go write crap reflections now for SL. dunno whats the point really. its not as if there's much to reflect about every week. hmm.

2008-05-10T23:35:00.002+08:00

damn nice song.

We're walking in the air
We're floating in the moonlit sky
The people far below are sleeping as we fly

I'm holding very tight
I'm riding in the midnight blue
I'm finding I can fly so high above with you

Far across the world
The villages go by like trees
the rivers and the hills
The forest and the streams

Children gaze open mouth
Taken by suprise
Nobody down below believes their eyes

We're surfing in the air
We're swimming in the frozen sky
We're drifting over icy mountains floating by

Suddenly swooping low on an ocean deep
Arousing of a mighty monster from its sleep

We're walking in the air
We're floating in the midnight sky
And everyone who sees us greets us as we fly

If I should stay, I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know I'll think of you ev'ry step of the way.

Bittersweet memories that is all I'm taking with me.
We both know I'm not what you need.

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.
And I wish to you joy and happiness.
But above all this, I wish you love.

"I will always love you."

my summarising skills OWN(:

2008-05-10T22:30:00.002+08:00

my grandma went missing again today.

i was horrified when i heard the news. cos its not the first time she went MIA. and both times, she lost her way going to the market, even tho she goes to the market thrice a week. both times, she left the house at 9am and only came back way after dark. both times, all she had for the entire day was a cup of milo. coincidental?

the first time she went missing, she was found walking IN a canal at pasir ris. a CANAL. she could not rmb how she got there, and she had no idea where she was heading. when a woman found her and contacted us, all we could do was to thank whoever's up there for watching after my grandma. we were reallie lucky it was low tide at that time.

this time, she left the house at 9am today, and she just returned home. throughout the entire day when she was missing, i couldn't stop thinking about her. i felt reallie guilty because i havent been spending time with her at all because i couldn't be bothered. sure, i could use "i was busy" as an excuse for not spending time with my grandma. but like i said, its just an excuse. and im horribly ashamed of myself. i couldnt help thinking, what if smth happened to her? i would seriously regret for life. cos i didn speak to her before she left the house. i havent hugged her for months. sometimes, i don't even greet her when i return home. i should just slap myself and die.

we called the police, and they came to take our statement. then the police started contacting hospitals and stuff to check if there were any accidents involving senior citizens. all that time i was seriously crossing my fingers and hoping the police wouldn find anth, but yet at the same time, i wished they had. then they left, and they called again at 9.30 to check if we had any updates. but duh we didn. then suddenly, my grandma just came home. all she could say was that she spent 18 bucks on taxis. and she started walking around the house with the umbrella she brought with her, refusing to put it down. she couldn or wouldn say what happened. all she did was to lament abt expensive taxi rides. maybe its shock. and she's reallie hungry cos she hasnt eaten for the entire day.. but at least, she's safely home.

when she calmed down a little, i immediately gave her a hug, to tell her that im sorrie that i neglected her for so long. im reallie glad that whoever's up there is watching over her, and bringing her home safely wach time. im reallie grateful for that.

thank you. reallie.

2008-03-14T22:02:00.002+08:00

ppl say, "its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"

but if having loved and lost means losing a friend, forever,

then i'd rather i never loved at all.

its not worth it, exchanging a brief moment of love for what could be a lifelong friendship. and lets face it, no matter how people try to argue, lost love can never revert back to the friendship it was before. so, no. im afraid of love, because im afraid of what i could lose, if i fall in love again.

someone send me a saviour, to enlighten me, and show me the way.

2008-02-15T23:10:00.002+08:00

ill be ur cloud up in the sky
ill be ur shoulder when u cry
ill hear ur voices when u call
im ur angel

and when all hope is gone im here
no matter how far u are im near
it makes no difference who u are
im ur angel

im ur angel...

so sweet right, this song. trust me, the tune's even sweeter. haha.

ure really sweet, and i reallie appreciate everything that you have done for me. but i have no more space inside for u right now. im sorry.

in fact, YOU should be sorry. for being so unreasonable. for not making sense. for disrupting the lecture. for being you.

haven YOU ever made a mistake in ur life or forgotten something? ill never believe it if u say u havent. cos ull be a freaking liar.

lying. is it always bad to be lying to urself? whats so bad about laughing heartily when ur heart is bleeding? maybe it heals. i dunno. i guess the real anguish comes, as jlp mentioned, when u return to reality.

so what's real? how do i know im not imagining things? i dream a great deal. too much, sometimes. maybe i imagined everything that goes on in my head. maybe nothing that i told u guys is true. maybe you are far far away. and its my own imagination that made me feel ure always near.

near, far, wherever u are.. so where are u, exactly?
im always wondering where u are.

where is it? catch it, squeeze it, strangle it. kill it.
so it will nvr come back again. never.

and you will never ever do smth like this again. we wont let you. ur every move is killing us, destroying us. i noe u enjoy it, u freak. but even hatred has a limit. if ure gonna bend the rules, so are we. one more year and im out of school and ill be moving on but ull forever be stuck in that miserable place with that miserable amount of hair working miserably for that miserable amt of money. LOSER.

so uve lost. what are u waiting for? pick urself up, and go again. this time, be strong.

please be strong, all will be fine. i promise. i pledge my life. fight it! kill them all! and you will emerge a healthier, stronger, happier person. we love you! we will always be here to support you, no matter what((: we will hold ur hand and pull u forward, out of the black cloud that's engulfing u and holding u back.

im engulfing u with randomness and im enjoying every minute of it!

random is beauty. cos u will never understand what im writing unless ure me. haha. i have thus created a barrier between my thoughts and the prying eyes of others.

hurray(:

2008-01-12T14:27:00.000+08:00

so much has happened this week and im feeling so disorientated now. it doesn help that i came down with the flu last weekend and it lasted the whole week-_-

well anw. what we were dreading is confirmed. the thing abt dalt. heard it from 39 when we went back for campcraft trng. sigh. i dont want it to happen. i want dalt to belong to nynp forever. like it always has! whats so difficult abt that? why cant that freak understand our relationship with dalt is not some retarded whirlwind romance or some shortlived passion? we truly love dalt and we want it to be with us, tgt with nynp forever. i noe the higher authorities think that we cannot cope with 2 ccas. but dont they understand that dalt and np arent 2 ccas? they are ONE cca. its nynpcc/dalt, not nynpcc and dragon and lion dance troupe. i was talking to hj abt it. lamenting and cursing a certain someone. hj said that in the eyes of the higher authorities, ie the school, we cannot cope. cos we're achieving nothing out of np and nothing out of dalt as well. its not like we're especially successful or especially prominent in any field. thats true. i agree. we're not like our ma'ams were, before. but cant the school allow some leeway for a group of girls and their passion? its not like we're wasting resources or anth. we dont use much money. in fact, we MAKE MONEY FOR THE SCHOOL through dalt every new year during caiqing. (talk abt being ungrateful!) besides, they need us for welcoming and stuff. so we're useful. in a sense. hj says the school has its reasons, cos we're supposed to be an academic school, so naturally the school has got a reputation to uphold, and results to maintain. plus the IP, we definitely need to keep a certain standard. so they're worried that we arent able to perform as well in our academics and even pull the school standard down. but i dont believe any of our juniors are underperforming. in fact, many of them are above average or even the creme de la creme of the school. so who are they to pinpoint us and tell us that we should close our cca down cos we may be underperforming in our schoolwork?

sometimes the adults dont have enough reason to make a judgement, but they still go ahead to do it cos they believe that they are right. and they make these decisions and judgement at the expense of other ppl: "i have my reasons. (favourite phrase number 1) just as long as i feel what im doing is right, who cares about u? ure just students, children. what do u noe? "

yeah yeah thats what YOU think. but when ure the third party, like me and hj, u see much clearer.

so dont think i dont know what ure up to. i believe u noe perfectly well that separating dalt and np is going to cost us our cca cos both will probably close down. how do we, nynpcc/dalt get our just-hit-the-mark 20 ppl every year? through the fact that half of them joined for np and half of them joined for dalt. after the separation, do u honestly think we're still gg to get 20 ppl? i dont believe so. if everyone were so eager to join np, we wont be slogging out guts out every orientation to make ourselves as appealing to the sec 1s as possible. alot of us in np didn even put it as one of our choices; the school just threw us in to make the attendance. some of us unfortunate ones stayed, but some also left. no one blames those who left, cos u shouldn be forced to do stuff that u reallie didn want to do in the first place. but to those who stayed, thank u. and we're glad u found happiness in np.

sigh. okay im gg abit off tangent. but just thinking of our survival worries me. cos i believe we wont survive for long. and i noe thats what a certain someone has been waiting for. you just cant wait to see np and dalt close down, right? u freaking piece of shit.

anw thru talking to hj, we kinda came up with a win win soln. which i wun discuss here. DUH. cos its not confirmed and we've yet to tell the rest. but i hope with this soln, we'll be happier, though survival of our cca is still not guaranteed. sigh.

yeah so that was the big event that was bothering me most of the time. theres also this other big event, no this other big person actually, thats been reallie stressing me out. *rolls eyes*

i cant believe im actually so freaked out. by a person. ive nvr felt like that abt a person. the urge to run away, to hide, to make myself permanently unavailable. ARGH. and this stress has been giving me gastric these days. -_-

mud says she'll glare at this person the next time she sees "it" HAHAHA. shes the bestest best friend ever((:

and last night i got all stressed out trying to reserve seats! haha so dumb right. mud was so sweet, to come along and be with me the entire night until some of my class ppl came. me and mud by ourselves didn manage to reserve many seats, just the round table and two square tables. lol and we had to negotiate areas with nick loh and nick foo who came to reserve seats for 7A. but later yize eug su yingjie mingfui jy ian box came and took over me and mud, so i pei-ed mud home. hahaha i certainly hoped the class had fun last night! mud was asking whether i was sure i wanted to go home with her lol. so i told her next time still got chance to go out with junior class mah. haha. then she was more relieved.

okay. tmr's mugging day with mud! we made a pact to go to the library every sun to mug. heh its only january and im feeling so tiredd alrd. oh well. okay this is the end of my v long post. toodles!

2008-01-05T12:30:00.000+08:00

just heard the news from jiaolian ytd.

i still cant believe it.

i hope YOU die. just go to hell, thickhead.

2007-12-24T22:14:00.000+08:00

okay. here i am again.

my father's home alot these days. he keeps taking leave from work, for fun. maybe to be closer to us, but no offence, hes making the home environment reallie awkward. its so weird seeing him at home all day. besides, when hes home he keeps the aircon in his room on and the room becones kinda like a "sealed room" where my siblings and i cant enter freely as and when we want without feeling awkward. okay at least for me, i feel awkward. i cant reallie be myself these days. how i behave, where i put my stuff, even the television programmes that i watch are being closely scrutinised. so much that ill rather spend my entire day out with other ppl. which is what ive been doing.

what makes it worse is that mom's been all grouchy these days. shes always been my source of support, the sunshine in my life, cheering me up when im down, (yes i do get upset too, and i do need cheering up sometimes, even tho i may be the sunshine in the lives of others) but now she snaps at me everytime i speak to her-_- and she spends most of her time giving me curt replies sometimes i just dowan to speak to her anymore. i just detest curt replies. from anyone. it makes me feel unwanted, unloved and uncared for. and it makes me feel like i dont matter and i should shut up. so yeah, i just dont like it. i dunno why cant ppl make the effort to speak nicely, and explain stuff instead of snapping at and ignoring me. i mean, its not like i havent been a good daughter. sure, im naughty at times, and i misbehave, and i like to tease my mom alot, but since she started snapping at me from a few days back ive tried to be the perfect daughter. tried to understand more, tried to obey, tried not to say anth or do anth to make her mad. but i guess it doesn work-_-

sometimes she snaps at me so much i feel tears in my eyes. thats how much im hurt.

im not a person who cries when im bullied, or irritated or whatever. but this time im upset. cos maybe my mum's someone whos reallie close to my heart. like my sis and mud. and they matter alot. their opinions matter, how they view me matter. and in this case, how they treat me matter too. even if this is probably just temporary. but it still hurts. loads.

i seriously hope this is reallie temporary. tho i doubt it.

i want my mom back. sigh.

damn menopause. damn those hormones.

************************************************************************************

anw today the crazy club went to krabi! krabi is beautiful with many exotic flowers! and we also took alot of videos of weird ppl going to and coming from krabi. we even met an eccentric woman who's krabi passport was deemed invalid by the customs and couldn return to her country. we also took photos of the national monument of krabi, and we met a pair of tourists whose flight had been delayed due to flying crabs in the air.

so yes it was fun! the next time round, the crazy club shall go to somewhere more exotic=)

HELLO TO ALL KRABI CITIZENS, I DONT MEAN TO POKE FUN AT UR COUNTRY LIKE THIS, BUT WHAT HAPPENED WAS WHEN WE WERE CHECKING OUT THE ARRIVALS LIST, WE SAW THAT AN AIRPLANE WOULD BE FLYING IN FROM KRABI. WE WERE IGNORANT AND DIDN NOE WHERE KRABI WAS, SO WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE RATHER FUN TO CREATE OUR OWN IMPRESSION OF KRABI WITH OUR IMAGINATIONS. SO PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENCE. =)

but back home, i googled krabi, and discovered that its actually a very beautiful province in thailand. so see, we were right abt krabi being beautiful! but the flying crabs (krabs) and national monument of krabi resembling a crab pincer is all rubbish, hahaha. forgive our ignorance!

2007-12-11T23:49:00.000+08:00

today was 38's farewell.

how fast time flies, eh?

only 4 years ago, we were sec 1s: shy, terrified cadets, who didn have a clue abt np life. now, we're j1s, coming back to the unit to help them out in campcraft comp, and attending the POPs and farewells of our cadets.

and today, we send our first batch of juniors off.

farewell has always been a time, when batches come back to see one another. at least, to me. cos 14 out of 16 of my sqd is in hwachong, thanks to IP. and minting and gen, who arent in the same sch as the rest of us, visit often enough for us not to miss them. so farewell is kinda like a diffeent event for us. we dun go back to catch up with one another (we do that only too often in school), but we go back, i guess, to see how much ma'ams have changed, how cadets have grown, and most imptly, to have fun with one another.

batch 37 has always been kinda anti-other-batches. we only stick to ourselves, never reallie mixing around much with cadets or ma'ams. haha i dunno how others see us. but i love us, i love the way we are, though we get totally carried away when we're tgt. but thats what makes us special and unique. we're close and comfortable enough with one another to totally lose ourselves in our own company. tell me, how many groups of 16 ppl can do this?

okay by now maybe ure like bored that i keep going on and on abt how much i love my sqd. haha. but i guess no amount of words can describe my sqd perfectly, cos there's just too much abt us.

anw, moving on. today there were only abt 5 of us? haha. but we had fun. at first it was pretty boring. cos we mostly sat around and self entertained, as usual. but later me and minting went out to snitch marshmallows. then after awhile, cadets had to leave the bbq pit to go for sqd time with their ncos, and me and minting had the pit all to ourselves! *hops around in glee* so we were zihighing at the pit, then 35 ma'ams came along. still feeling high, we decided to cook ma'ams some food. then later, all ma'ams left save for angela ma'am who stayed with us. had a vv nice chat with her. haha. talked abt life, abt studies, IP, school, sqdmates, nco-life (which me and minting had ALOT TO RANT ABT) and boys, of course. haha ma'am commented abt boys from various schs; who makes good bfs, who makes good husbands, who u shouldn ever date. lol.

well i guess thats what its all abt, isnt it? in np, u keep a barrier. but out of np, u learn from each other. everyone goes thru different experiences, so sharing will definitely be fruitful. and as seniors, we should always guide our juniors along. not just in np, but whenever they have any problems, we should be there to help them if need be. maybe not physical help, but even as a listening ear, i think that would be nice. cos the world's a stage, and everyone's in the cast for the play on the stage. so everyone's a friend.

and here's smth more interesting:

when minting and i were walking out of the condo today, (conneh py and lengjel went off first) we met meichun's mother. haha she asked us abt np, and how we managed our time, and how tough life was for us. of course there was the usual "np takes up alot of time, hor?" issue which most parents brood over for the 4 years we're committed to our cca. but minting and i enjoyed chatting with mrs fong very much. cos she reallie is a v pleasant woman. she didn chide us "ma'ams" abt taking up so much time for np, or complained abt trainings or wev. instead, she was more concerned in her daughter's development in np as a person; "campcraft.. so dirty, but meichun washes her clothes herself", and she held us in awe, amazingly, "i respect u all so much! i thought ma'ams were very old ppl, but u all are so young!"

i reallie respected mrs fong. she understood why we had to have these activities, and despite thinking that np takes up alot of time, she didn blame us for it. haha. she was shocked to discover that we are alrd j1 going on to j2. we were assuring her that time reallie flies, and before she noes it, batch 40 would have graduated.

and its true. 4 years ago, i never thought i would survive to see this day. because of everything we went thru.

but we did. and so would 39 40 41 42 and so on. everyone will graduate one day as ma'ams and as nanyang girls. but its the memories u take along with u that will tell a different story abt each and every batch. for us, we hold scarred but precious memories of our np life. but i hope, that our juniors will have a better life than us.

what doesn kill u only makes u stronger. learn to take things in ur stride, come what may, juniors.

2007-12-04T16:16:00.000+08:00

stupid blogger deleted my post. GRAH.

I LOST MY WALLET=(

its like black with grey cats all over it.

dun ask me why i lost it. im a human, for goodness sake. so i make mistakes too. and dun ask me where i lost it. if i knew do u think ill bother typing this post?-_-

so please if u see it, return it to nanyang girls high school. it has my nanyang card in it anw.

this wallet is vv precious to me because:
1) the wallet is from my sqddie jb
2) my ezlink card is inside
3) so is my medical benefit card
4) but most imptly, everything my friends give me that can fit into my wallet are inside! and these include sqd photos, tianwang neoprints, my parents' photo, me and mud's photo, birthday cards from my friends, get well notes, lame poems, and all those ridiculously retarded haikus mud wrote abt eating rabbits HAHA.

and of cos i have my money and a ton of receipts inside.

so yes im missing my wallet alot alot. please return it if u have it or happened to pick it up.

its not the money issue, as u realise. the money u can have. i dun give a damn abt the money. money is a worldly possession, shared by all, belonging to no one in particular. money lost can be earned back, likewise, money gained can be lost. but its whats inside thats reallie precious and matters to me. and its because its reallie precious to me that i would stupidly carry everything around with me. sigh.

ive been thinking of my wallet every single minute since i discovered it was lost (im not kidding) and yea thats how much i miss my wallet. and thats how much i love my wallet too. i nvr loved anything/anyone so much in my life. gosh.

so please, do a good deed and return my wallet. ill be reallie reallie grateful if u do. thanks.

2007-11-29T23:07:00.001+08:00

i never hide my hatred for anth or anyone.

get used to it.

2007-11-29T22:37:00.000+08:00

i TOLD u u cant close dalt down.

because now not only I stand against u.
not only my sqdmates stand against u.

but also all ma'ams, all cadets. 38 39 40 41. ALL ALUMNI.

NOBODY will allow u to close dalt down, thickhead.

get that straight.

i read a cadet's blog, and i was rather touched by her insistence that we do not close dalt down. then after talking to ma'am and 38 today about this, i learnt that almost every cadet loves dalt, and doesn want it to close down, and im even more inspired than ever to FIGHT FOR DALT'S SURVIVAL.

im not a dalt head of my time (conneh and jb are), and i wasnt in dalt for the 1st 3 years of my np life (due to parental objections). but ever since i joined dalt in sec 4 (when it was made compulsory), i grew to love it. more and more. so much that i quit huangcheng for lion dance in hwachong (much to the disappointment of choonyenXD) and i still love dalt very very very much. so no matter what the consequences are, i will do my part to fight for dalt's survival in nanyang. because i believe one should follow her passion. and its just not fair to deny someone of their pursuit of their passion and interest just because of some STUPID EXCUSE THAT SOME THICKHEAD CAME UP WITH TO SATISFY HIS OWN SELFISH DEMANDS.

ma'am today suggested that if dalt really has to close down, let 41 finish their syllabus first. and that, i think, is a brilliant suggestion. thickhead better buy it or else. well anw. even if he doesn, we will all get our way.

cos mr always gets her own way, and this is no exception.

so sod off, thickhead.

2007-11-19T16:45:00.000+08:00

today is blogging day. because its just so boring staying at home. alone.

i love my family a million times more than i love myself. (like duh who doesn noe that)

i love my friends more than i love myself. (duh again)

i miss my cesuozhu :(

alot alot.

going out tmr with maliling and sqdmates!((((((:

finally i wun feel lonely. haha.

theres a void inside me. waiting to be filled. now i noe how su feels. cos im feeling it too. i feel so empty? and staying at home and feeling bored doesn help it one bit. i need to find something fufiling to do to fill the space in me, or at least to occupy me so ill stop thinking of that space.

im getting a splitting headache. the second one in 2 days.

whats with u and ur ups and downs?

why wun u reply?

i hope im not sending u the wrong signals.

im pissing ppl off without knowing it.

im just weird these days. sigh. i dun even noe me anymore.

i have no idea where im heading. but i certainly hope im not taking the wrong steps.

cos i cant afford to make another mistake again.

2007-11-19T15:16:00.000+08:00

i love this song so much. its by the spice girls haha.

"Viva Forever"

Do you still remember
How we used to be
Feeling together, believe in whatever
My love has said to me
Both of us were dreamers
Young love in the sun
Felt like my saviour, my spirit I gave ya
We'd only just begun

Hasta Manana,
Always be mine

Viva forever,
I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live forever,
For the moment
Ever searching for the one

Yes I still remember,
Every whispered word
The touch of your skin, giving life from within
Like a love song that I'd heard
Slipping through our fingers,
Like the sands of time
Promises made, every memory saved
Has reflections in my mind

Hasta Manana,
Always be mine

Viva forever,
I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live forever,
For the moment
Ever searching for the one

Back where I belong now,
Was it just a dream
Feelings unfold, they will never be sold
And the secret's safe with me

Hasta Manana,
Always be mine

Viva forever,
I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live forever,
For the moment
Ever searching for the one [x2]

2007-11-08T22:27:00.000+08:00

went out with mudd today

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUD!!!!!!:D:D:D:D:D

we first had breakfast at macs, as usual. then we went to orchard! dropped off at cine cos we wanted to watch the last breath and thought cine would have. in the end, they dun seem to have it. not wanting to waste time, we got shane to help us check for cinemas showing the last breath. hahaha asked him for help since he watches alot of movies and thought he might noe. then turns out.. no cinema is showing it! mud and i didn want to believe it, so we walked all the way to plaza sing JUST in case the websites have missed it out (though not quite possible since its such a tua cinema) but as usual, we were wrong. so we settled for gameplan, which turned out to be a pretty good show! very touching and very funny. so the 9.50 (hefty price for a movie ticket, tho its a public holiday but so what? its still like daylight robbery) was KINDA worth it.

between the buying of the tickets and the watching of the movie.. we had like 1.5 hours to spare. so we went shopping!

...as usual. lunch was bubble tea and twisties and subway cookies. i noe i noe. junk food. but its nice! walked into Sasa, where i nearly died-_- thanks to the perfume. i didn noe i was allergic to perfume. but okay la, hahaha its all my fault!XD cos it was like mud's bday, *okay actually, its more like because mud and i are out tgt ALONE* we MUST must do smth siao. as usual haha. so today's siao event was stepping into Sasa and trying out all the tester perfume. THANKS to my lousy aiming skills, i ended up spraying most of the perfume on myself and mud and we walked out of the store smelling like a flower shop.

THEN IN THE CINEMA...

the perfume was choking me. just this particular scent that kept wafting through my airways. im somehow allergic to it; the perfume was causing my airways to close! so i was coughing and coughing like shit cos i couldn breathe-_- so smart lo play with perfume. i SWEAR i wun touch any of those bottles again! the worst thing was i couldn rmb which bottle it was exactly, or which brand HAHA. we sprayed like 20 over bottles la.

somehow i survived the movie, and i walked out of the theatre with mud, coughing my lungs out. we rushed to the toilet, where i took medication. good thing i brought my preventer. tho not inhaler, but nvm, it helped abit. it was better after we walked out of ps. cos like, in the open air, perfume molecules diffuse and all. and i dun smell so much of it!

then we walked from plaza sing to far east, looking into shops along the road. hahaha and i was busy sniffing myself! trying to trace the particular scent which was killing me. but i couldn be sure. so just dao and walk on. then after far east, we trooped to taka and stoned there abit, looking at clothes and all.

then we went home at around 6.30, i nearly died for the 8 seconds i was in the lift HAHA and i came home, showered immediately but.. i still have the scent on me! its so PERMANENT. so yeah im still dying. coughing and all. and its too cold out to go wash my arms to rid myself of the smell. guess ill just have to bear with it and hope the perfume rubs off on my bedclothes then ill be saved=D i can change my bedsheets but i cant change my skin! but its not too bad now cos i have my inhaler with me at least! and my family's here to send me to the hospital if need be. LOL.

moral of the story: asthmatic ppl should never play with perfume! *cough cough*

2007-11-07T21:35:00.001+08:00

i was just watching the 9pm show on channel 8.

they said,

if a couple can remain good friends after they break up, it can only mean 2 things:
1) they were never reallie in love in the first place
2) they are still willing to do everything they can for each other

HMM.

2007-11-07T21:35:00.000+08:00

2007-11-05T00:18:00.000+08:00

im liking me more and more.

cos i write whatever i want

and i publish whatever i want

this is life, man.

XD

too bad to those who feel offended.

cos mr doesn think shes in the wrong

2007-11-05T00:00:00.001+08:00

how can u all not fight back?

its our cca they are closing down.
its our family they are breaking apart.
its someone's income they are cutting.
its someone's passion they are taking away.

and to make it all worse,

its SOME IDIOT u guys will be succumbing to.

how can u all not fight back?

************************************************************************************

i dont think it takes much. just a letter? a petition?
im horrified to hear that dalt is closing down. cmon. DALT IS CLOSING DOWN.
were u all sleeping?
when were we known as just nynpcc?
we were always nynpcc/dalt.
nynp in itself is unique. but NYNPCC/DALT is what makes us impressive. singapore's first all girls troupe.

WOW.

thats how everyone went. WOW. with caps.

im not pushing for dalt to remain because of the WOW factor. sure, its tempting. but im pushing because THEY ARE CLOSING IT DOWN WITHOUT REASON.

at least, its not a reason which i would deem valid.

so then, i ask again, how can u just let it go?

how can u all succumb to authority JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE AUTHORITY?

doesn make sense, does it?

even if u have to succumb, at least make sure u succumb for good reason.

if u all have alrd fought hard, i dunno, and still fail to save dalt, then i guess there's not much of a choice. but if u guys have not, then my scolding is justified.

so u guys better do smth abt it.

or WE are coming down.

2007-11-02T23:53:00.000+08:00

played squash with minting today.

SQUASH IS FUN!XD

watched choral night with my sis and eeanna.

i love nanyang.

sometimes.

nah. actually i just like the building, and the teachers lol.

2007-11-02T10:13:00.000+08:00

okay. outing in 2 hours! meeting minting at kap for lunch before gg ny. lol. today was destined to be a boring day.

until me and minting came up with some genius plan to keep ourselves entertained=D

but the rest arent gg to like it LOL.

dun care. heheXD

im feeling flabby and i need a workout man. yuzhen's always busy and doesn have much time for me=( so i guess ill be spending this holidays moping abt the house. not too bad actually. ill have more time for myself. ill have more time to be with myself to do what i like to do. haha.

was talking to posana ytd abt pri sch. its so nice knowing everyone remembers all the fun we had in pri sch. its such a.. warm feeling. knowing everyone's missing primary sch like shit. seriously, its only the rvps 2002 students who are missing pri sch so much. haha. and posana was so sweet:

"ill rmb posana forever. even when im an old man, ill still remember posana"

then i went, "the best name huh?"

and posana said, "yup. the best."

damn nice. pri sch friends are still the best. its like, we never had so much fun anywhere else, or with anyone else. no offence to my sec sch and jc friends. haha. u guys are great, but im just missing pri sch=(

sigh.

growing up hurts. real bad.

2007-11-02T09:55:00.000+08:00

im sorrie

for doing what i did yesterday.

but i guess it had to be done. cos there was no longer any point in holding on. holding on will only hurt.

i gotta move on and be who i am
i just dun belong here, i hope u understand
we might find our place in this world someday
but at least for now, i gotta go my own way.

i sent u this song, if u rmb.

i hope it was a mutual decision yesterday, and not just a decision on my part. but even if u were hurt, u would never let me know. and thats just dumb, keeping it all to urself. if i ever said anth abt not wanting to know how u feel, i take my words back. cos i'd rather be hurt and feel guilty than let u bottle up everything and die from an overdose. at least when i know whats wrong, we share the stress.

and thats what friends are for, as cliche as it sounds. (all these cliche phrases fit in at the most uncliche moments. lol.)

there is never a right time to say goodbye.

but we've never said goodbye. cos we're still friends. we'll still help each other, and laugh(maybe) and talk(maybe). and i still see u as a good buddy. someone i can count on. i hope u do too.

haha rmb the tip i gave u? bear it in mind k. very very very impt;) and heres another tip: get rid of ur sanfenzhongredu problem. cos while u can like an item on a whim, u cant do that to a person. that would mean ure having a fling=ure a flirt. HAHA hard to imagine u as a flirt. okay. am i making sense? lol. nevermind

anw,

thank u for always being here and for everything we've shared(:

growing up hurts.

but life goes on.

2007-10-31T19:20:00.000+08:00

bubble bubbly bubbling!

now im happy((:

COOKIE BAKING CIP WITH PIGO!

doesnt this rawk=D

mr is easily contented(:

2007-10-31T18:25:00.001+08:00

for how long are you going to run away?

for how long are you going to do this to me?

you're not playing your part.

i hate you.

sometimes.

2007-10-30T22:24:00.001+08:00

today i went nutz with yuzhen. hahaha.

OP IS FINALLY OVER!!!

ended at 10(: then stoned in sch for awhile. then went with suhui and yize to KAP. lol. had a crazy time. me and suhui team up to niao yize HAHAHA.

uncle niao.

then we all went back to sch, saw the second half of 79 preparing for presentation. hope they all did well!!!((: haha. stoned in sch with suhui (i was waiting for yuzhen and suhui was waiting for her STRUDEL DATE=DD), reading foxtrot. hmm we're v good at stoning. finally yuzhen came then we went to interchange and drank BBT! had a hard time placing our orders cos we were too busy avoiding uncle BBT. -_- could tell he was trying to avoid us too. it was damn awkward, placing ur orders without looking at the person behind the counter. then we went BML, on the way stopping by NTUC, as usual. stoned there for 30 mins deciding what to buy HAHA. we also stopped at the various shoe shops and boutiques along the way, browsing through clothes and accessories. we had time on our hands anw. finally we arrived at BML, went around looking for books, saw bonzo and laughed our heads off as usual. think shes kinda used to it. loll. sorrie bonzo! but ure good entertainment, whether or not ure aware of it=)

stoned (again) in library, reading comics for abt 2 hours? before setting off home. yuzhen came over to print stuff. then shun bian watch the 5.30 show. hehe. then shun bian visit ppl's friendster profiles and write nonsensical testimonials to spam their profile. LOL poor alex and caineliew. and POOR ME=( yuzhen forced me to write one for her using my account hahaha. dont care im gonna make her write me one back=P

okay, thats the end of my very fun day. hahaha havent been so happy and carefree in such a long time!(:

tmr im getting up early to send my parents off at the airport with junjun. they're going to china, leaving us kids alone in SG. WOOTS~ we have eeanna coming to stay, and money to spend HAHA. rocks. looking forward to lots of fun home alone!XD

ps. SORRIE YUZHEN. HAHA using ur name feels so weird. must think of a new name for u! cos he said that mud means. hmm. yea u noe. LOL.

okay will tell u when i think of a name!!!!=DDDD

2007-10-30T22:23:00.001+08:00

im very good at doing things on impulse.

but ive a very bad memory.

so i tend to forget what ive said or done.

im sorrie if i hurt u.

forgive me.

2007-10-28T21:18:00.000+08:00

im a human.

and all humans are selfish.

therefore im selfish.

forgive me.

2007-10-28T14:29:00.000+08:00

it felt so good letting all that out. ((:

dun get me wrong. i dun hate u. its just, letting out whats been bottled inside me for so long.

2007-10-28T13:31:00.000+08:00

i havent been here in eons. literally.

last post dated 3 Aug? haha. when have i gone so long without blogging? or did i?

im no longer the frumpy, frivolous girl i once was at the beginning of this year. im no longer 100% positive, happy, or even crazy like before. ive even lost the naivety that made me different from others. in other words, im just a typical 17 year old now. or worse. is that good? fitting in like the rest of my peers? personally i dun think so. im even beginning to find myself boring.

where have i gone? seriously. jaded by schoolwork, projects, irresponsible individuals and relationships, yea, ive spelt it all out. but ive never been so affected before. nothing, i repeat, NOTHING, that stood in my way was enough to change my character. deep down or on the surface, i dunno, im still the same old me. unique the way i am, special and precious in the eyes of some. but some part of me has changed. im more tired, i get bored easily, i no longer think the world is beautiful. in some ways. maybe im getting old? haha. but thats like. -_- ure 17 years old and u claim ure getting old.

maybe one day ill find myself back. somehow.

and here ill make a promise to myself: ill never never let anything or anyone change who i am. no matter what.

cos its not worth it.

*******************************************************************

this year wasnt as good as it started out. maybe its fate? maybe its just an obstacle i have to cross for a better life. (HA HA better life-_-)

the gods have been funny, planting weird ppl in my life this year. i have wonderful friends, ppl who will be there for me no matter what. ppl who treasure me, ppl who enjoy my company, ppl who love me as much as i love them. but there were also ppl who were rude, irresponsible, irritating, unreasonable, blah blah.

i noe i have done wrong too. cos it takes two hands to clap. but i just wish that they found me as irritating as i found them. its fairer that way.

anw.

2007-08-03T21:10:00.000+08:00

someone once said..

the person who brings u the greatest joy will also bring u the greatest pain.

if the pain the person brings is too much to bear, or if the person brings u more pain than joy, then perhaps its better to let go.

but then again,because of this, its the occasional joy the person brings that will reallie enhance your life, and make u treasure that person more. to the hopeless romantic, this little bit of joy is worth holding on to.

haha okay. so random!

today lion dance was crazily fun. alot of zihighing. HAHA and the rabbit emoticon imitating!!

and su eug van and i all have new names(:

eug=euniania
van=vansasa or vasasa
su=suhuhu or susuhu

me.. im.. mi ongong!

i dun want to be mimi ong omg. haha. sounds so...

auntie.

im not an auntie!XD

anw it all started cos i call eug euniania and van vansasa so they decided to punish me. lol.

now gouguangge is yugugu.

sounds damn tribal wahaha. NICE.

2007-07-26T19:04:00.000+08:00

today was so rushhhed. haha.

chionged after school to meet my sis to go fetch my brother at the airport. then halfway, miss lee mian jun decided she was hungry, so we stopped to get her some food. then the trains took a longgg time to come, and when we reached the airport, it was 4.15pm and my brother had alrd arrived-_-

haha. the first thing i did when i saw him was to run to him and hug him. then dunno why, both of us just started crying. and we didn speak. we just cried in silence, hugging each other. ahhh. hehe apparently he only missed me!! AWW so sweet right. my mum said he cried twice. once when he just arrived cos my father scolded him for some shit thing-_- (more abt that later) and the second time was when he hugged me! aye. hes always such a sweet darling. abit gay, but still vv nice. hehe.

then we went for dinner, lugging his omgheavy luggage. went all the way to tiong bahru to eat KFC-.- aye i keep giving sian diao faces today. haha. we spent like 1 hour plus eating. then we went home. and my brother got me and my sis presents!! and lots of gum. and and and.. a stack of harry potter cards! featuring all the main characters in the movie. yayyy..

and thats the end of my very short day. haha. off to do eom!!

im damn pissed at u right now.

i cant believe u did that. and i dun think i can forgive u for that. do u noe how much u hurt him?

he arrives home, and ure the first familiar face that he sees. hes obviously elated. he was probably expecting a hug, or a smile from u. but no, u obviously are a pathetic mind reader. even if u didn say anth, it was okay. if u didn hug or smile, it would be still okay. but what did u have to do? u just had to lash out at him. that was the FIRST thing u did when u saw him. FIRST THING, for god's sake. right in front of all his friends. for what? attire. a simple thing like attire. and u had to yell at him in front of the entire world, the entire changi airport, not just embarrassing him, but humiliating him totally, leaving him NO way out at all. felt good, didn u? u thought it was a great move on ur part, didn u?

you are so wrong. so totally wrong.

and im ashamed of u.

do you know how much that hurt him? do u noe how it hurts, to have ur loved one, someone whom u look up to, and respect (maybe) yell at u and humiliate you in front of everyone? did u noe u broke his heart? no heartfelt words of care, no smile, no hug, no "hello, son!", no affection totally. just screaming at him outright. do u noe how ridiculously stupid u were? im sorrie i had to use that word. but yea. u were stupid.

if u wanted to scold him for attire, u could. but away from the prying eyes of the public.

if u wanted to reprimand him, you could. but did it have to be the first thing u do?

if u didn noe, he is YOUR SON. not some freakshit subordinate u have down at work. do u noe the difference? are u able to tell?

i thought u were a smart man.

by the way, he is still a child. if u have forgotten.

2007-07-22T22:13:00.000+08:00

i miss my brother.

loads.

he'll be coming home soon tho. haha i hope hes enjoying himself in japan.

today my mom and i were out shopping, and somehow, we started talking abt my brother. and we both started tearing. haha. well i never reallie appreciated his presence when he was around me LOL cos hes always so noisy and omg irritating. but now that hes gone overseas, i reallie feel a sense of loss. sibling bond i guess. its like, cos my siblings and i share one room, and being the big sister, its a habit of mine to turn away from the table while doing hw or using the comp every night to check on my sleeping siblings. and normally they will both be in bed. sound asleep. but these days, when i see that empty bed in the corner, ill forget and wonder to myself where my brother has gone to. then ill remember that hes away. and ill just feel this wave of emotion. i guess i just miss him. alot.

i miss the way he tugs his bolster around the house. HAHA.

i miss the way he talks non stop. (man, i miss that fly buzzing in my ear)

i miss the way he'll set his alarm clock to wake himself up at 12 midnight to watch anime. LOL!

i miss the way he laughs goodnaturedly when my sis and i tease him abt his pot belly.

i miss the way he pouts when he doesn get what he wants.

i miss the way he sings at the top of his voice in the bathroom. HAHA.

i miss the way he laughs at everything ppl say.

i miss the way he walks around the house in a singlet and shorts, looking totally like an adorable little ahpek. hahaha.

i miss the way he imitates advertisments or mr brown.(hes v good entertainment)

i miss the way he'll bargain with me for more comp time.

i miss walking into the room and seeing him play monopoly with himself HAHA.

i miss the lame stuff that he does. (eg, taking 20 photos of his soft toy sheep)

i miss the way we chase each other around the house.

i miss the way he comes up to me and hugs me everyday.

i miss the way he'll do anth for me just to see me smile. ( hes reallie the sweetest guy i ever known(: )

i miss YOU, little brother!

come home soon!

2007-07-21T22:21:00.002+08:00

hello

haha me and euniania went to do cip today! tin can donation for lion befrienders home. before we even got our first donation, we were totally attracted by some mobile icecream seller at queenstown mrt...

euniania: (looks at icecream woman) i want to eat ice cream
me: (flashes euniania a million dollar smile)
euniania: (eyes lighting up) you want?
me: (still flashing that million dollar smile) why not?
euniania: okay! but very bad not, holding the tin can and eating icecream?
me: dun care la. lets eat!

so we ended up holding the tin can on one hand, and holding the ice cream on the other. YAY ICECREAM!

about 20 minutes later..

euniania: where u wanna go for dinner ah?

LOL!

then we did donations for 1 hour.. and we walked back to lion befrienders home. then we went for dinner!! mini food trip at ikea. we ate hotdogs and drank pepsi and ate meatballs and chicken wings! yumyumyum..

and we bought a brownie for vannn cos the brownie reminded us of her hahaha.

then we walked around ikea and laughed at alot of things. and we made up some story about how sammy the sealion and gracie the dugong would go on a date, and sammy the sealion will catch any piece of food that accidentally flies in his way. arf arf arf. wahaha. inside joke.

then we both went home at around 6.30. hehe and now we have a little secret between us=P

i think singaporeans are such an adorable lot. LOL.

i was observing the behaviour of people around us when we were doing that tin can donation thingy. it was super funny, cos ppl were really avoiding us. the tin can can be the ultimate new weapon of the 21st century in singapore. having it on ur hand automatically labels u with a "please avoid me" tag. im not kidding, it was almost like, within a 1.5m radius of me or euniania, there were absolutely NO ppl. euniania stood at the bus stop, and i stood at the opening of the mrt station. and the effect was like WOW. the extent that some ppl went to just to avoid us.. *shakes head*

some would make a detour around the hdb estate beside the mrt station just to avoid being approached.

some would run, pretending to be in a hurry.

some would whip out their handphones and start chatting. (dunno whether real or not. haha.)

and the rest, having no other choice, will walk towards us, gingerly. eyes darting here and there, first looking at us, then shifting their glance elsewhere, pretending not to notice us, and hoping that we had not noticed them. but well, when ure doing tin can donations, u have to be thickskinned XD. so ill just approach them and ask them if they want to donate. HAHA. then they will have this beaten look on their face that says, "okay u win, ill donate" and they sheepishly dig their pockets/purses for shillings and dropped them into the tin can. then ill thank them, tell them have a nice day, and then they will smile (some with a pained look on their face. pained smile. haha.) and walk off.

arent they such an adorable lot? hahaha. i always smile to myself when i see these ppl.

of course, there are the more typical:

those who just say no when i approach them for donations,
and those kind souls who automatically come up to me to donate.

and the practical:

those who check the label on the tin can before dropping their shillings in. HAHA. when they saw it was Lion Befrienders' Home, they looked visibly relaxed and were more willing to donate.

well we all noe the cause. 1st the NKF incident. then the JuEng home incident. naturally people are paranoid. i mean, hard earned money could well be going into the hands of swindlers. and adding on to that, the numerous-until-nearly-uncountable number of forced tin can donation volunteers(HAHA OXYMORON), ie, students who parade the streets of singapore everyday, armed with that ultimate human repellent, asking for donations. well there are also real volunteers who do this tin can donation thing. but most are students who do it for cip hours i guess.

maybe we should take a different approach towards raising funds for these charity organisations. tin can donation was once seen as new, simple yet creative, thus attracted many organisations around singapore. however, now that EVERYONE is doing this tin can donation thing, it becomes boring, dull and irritating. too many of these going around make people less willing to donate.

maybe charity organisations could get its monetary recipients to do handicraft like what some organisations are doing, and put these handicraft on sale in big departmental stores. cos i believe people are more willing to donate if they are actually able to see some results, in some way. like for that tin can donation thingy, once the shillings are dropped into the tin can, no one except the organisation itself will noe where the money actually went to. but if these organisations were to sell handmade items, people who buy them are seemingly exchanging the money for the item, they would be more obliged to do so. its that kind of, "at least i still have something" mentality. besides, not every organisation has to do strictly paintings or ornaments. they could make photo frames, magnets, weave baskets, make pottery, paint pottery etc. and not every organisation has to make their monetary recipients do the job.( though it would be nice if they can get the ppl in the organisation to do it, cos having something to do, or allowing them to help their own organisation would help to colour and enhance their lives.) these organisations can get students to come in to help. that way, the cip hours of these students are spent in a much more meaningful way. much much better than BORING tin can donations.

or well, these organisations could get students to put up a skit in public, abit like buskers, to raise funds for the organisation. its not begging. if ppl say this is begging, then tin can donations are 10 times worse. at least ppl here are using their abilities, or doing some form of work to obtain donations for the organisation. for tin can donations, ppl are literally begging for money.

and the best alternative is: remove all the tin cans, raise taxes of the affluent so that these additional amount of tax will go to the various charity organisations in singapore. that is the simplest method. wahaha. tho i dun think its v feasible. raise gst+raise transport fares+raise prices of some goods=suicidal. ppl will just bao.

okay im done crapping!

i like abrupt endings hahaha.

2007-07-15T20:15:00.000+08:00

with all due respect,

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

this is a verse from the bible that gouguang ge showed me.

hmm. how do i be patient, kind, non-envious, non-boasting, humble, polite, non selk-seeking, good tempered, forgiving, and rejoice with the truth, protect, trust, hope, persevere at the same time?

its hard.

maybe then, i should stop feeling this way

maybe i should ask for nothing at all from everyone. maybe i should be an obliging girl and do anth for everyone.

i will learn to be an angel.

i will learn to be the angel i never had been.

and i will start by perservering, being patient and accepting.

2007-07-13T22:53:00.000+08:00

when u make a promise, are u reallie certain that u can fulfil that promise? some ppl like to say, ill be with u forever. but they cant do that, right? so its not true. cos things can change, they can die. blah blah blah.

how do u make a promise and mean it, and do it?

maybe thats why promises are meant to be broken. haha.

do u even care about me anymore?

2007-07-07T21:08:00.000+08:00

当我和世界不一样那就让我不一样
坚持对我来说就是以刚克刚
我如果对自己妥协如果对自己说谎
即使别人不原谅我也不能原谅
最美的愿望一定最疯狂
我就是我自己的神在我活的地方

我和我最后的倔强
握紧双手绝对不放
下一站是不是天堂就算失望不能绝望
我和我骄傲的倔强
我在风中大声的唱
这一次为自己疯狂就这一次我和我的倔强

对爱我的人别紧张我的固执很善良
我的手越肮脏眼神越是发光
你不在乎我的过往看到了我的翅膀
你说被火烧过才能出现凤凰
逆风的方向更适合飞翔
我不怕千万人阻挡只怕自己投降

我和我最后的倔强
握紧双手绝对不放
下一站是不是天堂就算失望不能绝望
我和我骄傲的倔强
我在风中大声的唱
这一次为自己疯狂就这一次我和我的倔强
就这一次让我大声唱
lalalala...
就算失望不能绝望...
lalalalala...
就这一次我和我的倔强

yay sqdmates, rmb how we used to sing it? i still love all the mayday songs. and shao nian. woots~

okay this is lame. lalala.

2007-07-07T18:58:00.001+08:00

is there reallie a need?
maybe i should be honest and tell u
its only fair, right?

i hope it all gets better...

2007-07-07T15:34:00.000+08:00

aye.

guys are such jerks. sometimes. sorrie to all the guys out there. but this is what i feel.

aye, im blogging such a lot these days. haha connie would be proud of me(: and all my other zhong shi fen si. whee.

hmm. ive been thinking such a lot. what do i reallie want in life?

i noe im not a career person. i just want to get married and have kids. but i want an interesting job all the same. hmm, maybe ill go work in the line of service. cos i like interacting with ppl. im a people-person. haha. i thought maybe ill be an air stewardess. but my aunts rolled off their chairs laughing at me-_- v funny meh! okay maybe im too short. but i provide quality service k. haha. then now im thinking maybe ill go into mass com in the future. all the media stuff. suits me actually. but its kinda weird to jump from pure science into humanities. so. i shall still consider. or maybe ill go be a marine biologist. i like taking care of animals. and i love the water. so maybe i should consider. or ill go be an environmentalist. haha i have a penchant and an aptitude for environmental science. cos of the envi science sabbats we had in sec sch. whee. so maybe ill be an environmentalist. AYE. im such a fickle minded girl. tsktsk.

yay okay my sis is back. shalala. shall get to come out with me to buy durians later. whee.

aye i think im quite distracted in this post. haha.

2007-07-06T22:04:00.001+08:00

okay.

im going to wash down the previous post cos its so dumb.

anw ill blog abt sqd bdae!

actually i hav alot to blog. just that i wasn reallie in the mood.

1)sqd bdae

3)sabbs

on tues we went back to sch, and it was our official sqd bdae! 3/7!! so we made plans to go back to nanyang so we can zihigh. as usual. hahaha.

it was reallie nice having one another around. seeing one another, laughing together, catching up in a place full of memories, both bad and good. yea. that was life(: we went to the teachers board outside the GO and crowded around to look for the nynpcc voted Most Repulsive Person of The Year: mr h*n. we all gathered around to laugh at him. HAHA. srsly hair just doesn stay on his head. and i bet the photo was adobed.

took alot of photos with py's camera! then we moved on to the swings ourside audi. where we spent most of our sec sch days as a sqd. just swinging, laughing in the innocence of childhood. haix. what i would give to get those days back. we reallie had alot of fun. singing np songs, basking in the sun, telling lame jokes, zilianing, playing cards, sitting on the grass and basically doing things we missed so much, tgt as a sqd.

whee! 39 ncos. haha we all have long hair! at least, tts what made us take the photo lol. but its also cos we love one another.

had sabbats recently. me eug van being extremely lucky were put into the same sabbatical: ocean ambassador@ underwaterworld singapore. it ROCKED TOTALLY. haha. if i had a chance ill go back there. reallie reallie.

so the 1st day we din do much. basically we were the guests and we spent the whole day touring the place. and we went to dolphin lagoon and got to touch pink dolphins! they were so adorable. haha.

the second dat was the more memorable of the two. in the morning, we basically did alot of cleaning. the guys cleaned the bigger tanks. ian was cleaning a huge tank with two big turtles and a huge fish in it. haha the marine creatures kept swimming around the legs of the cleaners. nice. we girls started out washing the floor, ridding the cracks and splits of any algae and stuff. haha. we didn noe the water we were using to scrub the floors was seawater! it was only until some of the water got into my eye and it stung, then we realised it was seawater. next, we moved on to clean the smaller tanks. surprisingly i was sensitive to the water in the aquarium. i kept getting electric shocks, so i couldn reallie clean the tanks. haha. aye.

our next task must be the most cruel job in the whole underwaterworld: decapitating prawns. man, it was SERIOUS decapitation! we literally grabbed a prawn and plucked off its head. then its brainjuice would splatter. YUCK with a capital Y man. luckily the prawns were dead alrd. but i still think im not going to touch a prawn for vvvv long.

after that, we did more interesting stuff: feeding! we fed the sharks and the fish. it was reallie freaky feeling the shark chomp down on the fish at the end if the stick. haha the guy was screaming "dun let go! dun let go!" while the shark wrestled with the stick.. cos it reallie feels like the sharks going to drag u down tgt with the stick..

after lunch the programme was more interesting. we did guest services, so we basically helped out at the main exhibition. we took turns to be mascots, and escorts. some of us got a chance to stay at the ray pool and the touch pool to guide the visitors along, and to encourage and nudge them into touching the marine creatures. there was this weird phillipino guy whom i conversed with who requested to have his photo taken with me. hahaha i was quite shocked. cos hes a total stranget but i obliged anyway. then later he came and chatted with me. haha i think he thought i was the staff. got abit of a shock when i told him im a student. lol.

i think one of the highlights of the day was being a mascot. man, it was serious suana in there! steaming like crazy. i think ppl like jy or yg who alrd sweat alot will just dehydrate into raisins if they ever become mascots la. haha. cos even i perspired. and ppl who noe me noe i dun quite perspire. i just radiate heat. lol.

well the 2nd day ended much more quickly than the first. haix, i guess all good things come to an end. i reallie hope to go for this sabbatical again! cos it was truly an eye opening experience.. haha.

2007-07-04T16:45:00.000+08:00

im just so stressed and upset these days.

i dunno why, but it seems like this year im less happy than last year. this year im more jaded, more easily upset, more easily stressed. emotionally unstable, in other words. maybe its a hormone thing, and maybe ill get over it; things will get better. or maybe its just me. or maybe it was because last year things were simpler; i was more easily contented, workload was lighter, work was easier, things were more predictable. well this year.. maybe you could say that there are more surprises. but i think its probably due a change of environment with different ppl.

its mostly blocks, i guess, thats causing all the tension and stress. other things dun matter much to me. well okay. i screwed my math. screwed. it. totally. and im just afraid ill screw everything else. ppl are telling me i wun, but what if i do? call me paranoid, but it is possible. sure, math is my worst subject, but so what? what if it became my BEST subject? man, if that happens, ill just kill myself. jkjk. but i srsly dunno what ill do. its not like i nvr tried. i did mug. even tho i didn mug 24 hours (ha ha. i doubt anyone can do that) round the clock, but at least i did mug, and i did understand what i was mugging. so i dun think i deserve Us (with the exception of econs) for the rest of my papers.

i guess studies are the only thing i have. as of now. i dun play sports, unless u count lion dance. and even then, i cant do lion dance for the rest of my life. its just not a practical means of supporting myself in the future. esp when im a girl. no one will hire a female coach when they can hire a male coach for smth like lion dance. so i must make sure i work hard and try to do well, (like who would want to do badly?) so i can be whatever i want to be in the future.

i was at sabbaticals today, and i was watching the dolphin trainers at work, and i felt tears prickling my eyes. i dunno why, but the trainers seemed so carefree, and i longed to be like them. im burdened by block test results. i reallie dun want to go back to school on friday, even tho sch ends at 12. i dowan to see any block test paper. i dowan to see my results. i guess im just afraid to face reality. but i reallie am traumatised by my math paper. horribly traumatised. and i dowan to get any other stupid paper back. nvr ever. im afraid ill do badly. but its not because i dunno how to break the news to my mum or what. its because if i do badly, i wouldn noe how to answer to myself. i dunno how to face myself, how to tell myself to work hard and do better. all the tests and exams that i take are stained by my fear of not doing well. even if i do reallie well, i wun be v happy. i noe its bad, cos like this ill nvr be contented, and my expectations of myself will only get higher and higher, and ill nvr be happy. but as of now, im not the top, im nowhere near the top, and i think i suck absolutely at studies. so that gives me a right to fear, doesn it? and tt i think, gives me a right to strive for the best. well, everyone has the right to strive for the best.

haix. im just worried abt my results. cos they matter to me. too much, maybe.

grah but i dowan to see the paper.

hmm im such an irritating, confused girl.

and i just want to pon school.

and be happy. someday..

2007-07-01T21:56:00.000+08:00

today was sqd bdae celebrations(:

haha mud and i met at interchange at 9.30+++am to have bubble tea. v early in the morning but we dun care. haha. the uncle/gorgor gave us alot of pearls!(: nice. then at like 10.20 we set off for cine, where we were supposed to meet sqddies at 10.30 omg. so obviously we were late. we were still in taka's toilet when a v anxious sounding jlk called. hehe. then we walked over to cine, called jlk and realised they were outside More Than Words. so we were on the escalator, looking around for sqddies, then saw all of them standing in a row outside More Than Words. haha totally xiadao! but they looked so cute. it was so so nice to see everyone again(((:

then we went kboxing. and it was super fun!! we sang reallie nice songs like shao nian, li liang, chuang, jue jiang, ren sheng hai hai, chu lian de fen se xi. and all the vvv nice songs our sqd used to sing. and still love. wah i was like tearing when we were singing shao nian. omg how i missed the past. haix. and of course since we're in kbox, might as well biao yin. so we sang all those high voiced songs as well. haha. and we jumped on the sofa! hehe so funnn! kbox rocks(:

ah mud bibi and litian(: me and mud at interchange(:

camera flashed and sqdmates xiadao HAHA
the unsuspecting jolene poon and sqddies=P

and we cam whored in the toilet hehe!

mud and lin yu zhong

and mud and olivia with wang dong cheng and wu zun!

and here is our sqd(: (the ppl who were here today)

me and hj(:

whee. then aft kboxing. sqd outing started to get a little screwed. some sqdmates went shopping, then some stayed outside. we were stranded at pacific plaza for a while. me bibi weilin jp and cp. then later hj called and me and jlp went to fetch her. then when we came back, sqdmates left for far east alrd. so jlp and carol went home. then bibi and weilin were busying themselves with the Sunday Times sudoku. damn funny la omg! HAHA. should have taken a photo. so me and hj went shopping by ourselves. hehe. we walked to plaza sing! then loitered there for 3 hours and went to drink tea and stuff. WAHAHA. then later hj's parents came and i went home too.

thats the end of sqd outing haha.

okay. this following part is shit so dun bother reading it.

hmm. was talking to hj today abt stuff. cos i wasnt feeling v happy. then it made me wonder whether im v high maintenance. i dun ask for much, but what i ask for is the hardest to give, as someone once put it. i dun need fame glory money big cars and houses nice dresses diamonds jewellery branded goods or whatever. i just need alot of love care and attention from ppl. and thats super high maintenance because:

1) its not that easy to give all ur love care and attention to someone

2) when i say attention i reallie mean attention. like, 100% attention.

3) i talk super alot without ever getting tired. so this attention giver must focus on me for eternity. which is uber tiring.

4) i can be reallie crazy. and i can be v temperamental too. esp when im pmsing..

5) i have an inability to be truly honest about my feelings. like, i have a problem speaking all the negative stuff that goes on in my head. for example, if i dun like smth, i cannot bring myself to say i dun like it. ill just smile and take whatever ppl give me. but later ill whack myself for being stupid. i cant be truly honest because im afraid of hurting the other party's feelings. sound very weida (yeah right) but its for my own selfish means actually. since im a person who requires alot of love care and attention, i cant bring myself to hurt my love care and attention giver. or else theres a chance ill lose that. so yea. ill rather shou wei qu than hurt someone else.

6) im a v dependent girl. im afraid of being alone. haha.

7) im good at making ppl worry.

then u noe, being all this demanding is not that bad if i were a huge chiobu. but im not. so im srsly high maintenance.

haix.

i think i suck.

nvm.

anw. i was just wondering why i seemed to be happier last year. maybe it was innocent happiness, or like, a simpler kind of happiness. i dunno. but last time i had distict emotions. im either happy or sad or angry. theres no mixing or in betweens. but now i can be reallie temperamental and i can feel.. nothing at all. its not indifference. its just, feeling nothing. even indifference is a feeling. haix. i dunno why. i should go seek happiness. but where do i find it?

i dun think anyone has ever been truly happy.

but when i was at my happiest, i reallie enjoyed it.

and i want it back.

will i ever find it again?

2007-06-24T21:29:00.000+08:00

im nervvvvvvvvvous=((((((

boo.

wanted to blog lots of stuff. but i guess im just not in the mood:(

haix.

im feeling super jittery, and my breathing's shallow. and im having gastric, hahaha. i think im gonna die. whee!

okay. im being crazy.

anw, to all taking blocks tmr,

JIAYOU JIAYOU! MMM WISHES U GUYS ALL THE BEST!!!!((((((((((((:

and to all poly students having exams in a week or two,

JIAYOU JIAYOU TOO!!! U GUYS WILL DO WELL!!!!!!(((((((((((:

haha.

okay i suppose ill end here.

haix. shall go drink some water. oh gosh. =(

2007-06-05T23:51:00.000+08:00

TODAY WAS FUN!

haha we cleaned up LDroom today. it was omg a HUGE MESS.

supposed to meet at 9. i reached at 8.30 (thanks to my poor estimation of time) so i stoned 10 mins by myself in LDroom (aft spending 10 mins unlocking the stupid door) before jiebin came. haha she tried to boo me but failed cos i wasnt even scared-_- anw. she came and started sleeping. so i got reallie bored. i took out the easypff bang and started polishing the luo2 jia4. it works k! the easy off bang works. cos it actually made the luo2 jia4 shiny by removing all the tarnish. YAY.

the next person to arrive was MLL. she too, starting cleaning the stuff ard, like trophies. then we decided we were wasting time, so we started moving everything out. then the rest of sqddies came and all helped out. it was DAMN dusty lah. and we found alot of super weird stuff! like 1 pair of ANCIENT HUGE vernier callipers (dunno which batch stole from which science lab), some coal stove, a 10kg weight, makeup(like what?!) and LEFTOVER FOOD (which is the worst worst worst). by the time we were done moving everything out, LDroom was super spacious and the whole area outside LDroom was clogged up with all our barang. hahaha.

so we started cleaning the room with easyoff bang and jif(its reallie jif, not cif. mll brought it. hahaha shows how little she uses at home!) when suddenly...

jlp: eh do u all smell smth burning?
rest of us, both inside and outside the room: where?
jlp+mll: inside the room..

so we stepped in, and were greeted by this horrible burning smell

me: omg yucks. where's it coming from?
jlp: there. corner

so we walked over and...

me: huh nth wat.
jlk: yea where's it coming from then?
bx: THERE!

then we turned to look at her and saw she was pointing at the ceiling. so we looked up and..

jlk: OMG its smoking lah! its coming from the lights!
jb: quick! quick off the lights! later explode!

so some sqdmate rushed to turn off the lights. then everyone just evacuated the room. then jlk called the technician...and he came down and fixed the lights. turns out there was an oil spill in the fluoroscent tube, which caught fire. which then produced the smoke that we saw.

haha so we nearly died. had the lamp exploded, we would have died. lol so we were vv lucky! lucky that we have such an alert sqddy called jlp and a v smart sqddy called bixuan who saved all our lives. haha. anw, we continued cleaning...

suddenly..

py: *screams*
jlk: *screams*
me: (xiadao so also..)*screams* what happened?!
some sqddys: LIZARD!
py: it ran infront of me! (she scampers out of the room, looking v upset)
me: eeew omg why got lizard one! where!
jlk: there... damn big lah!
some sqddy: bixuan! bixuan go! kill it!
me: harh u all want me to spray or not? (holds up easyoff bang. cos kaka told me it can kill pests)
half the sqdmates: SPRAY!
the other half: no! DUN SPRAY!
bx: (steps in with broom n dustpan. demands in dajieda voice) where?
mll/jb: go bx! wah bx v MAN one..
jb: sweep up the lizard!

so bx goes on to prod at the lizard...and it runs up and down the walls. finally bx manages to corner it. then..

bx: i dun dare leh.
me: ahh...come i try.. (attempts to poke at the lizard. it runs, so i screamed)
bx: aiyah. (poke poke)
me: (takes over and PRODS.)

then...

me: omg where is it?
bx: dunno. maybe it ran away
sqddys: (all look horrified)
me: (sweeps at the corner. suddenly smth jumps and i screamed again. then i ran out of the room and crashes into a v anxious looking py) lizard!! i think it died! omg!

sqddys all walk into the room to attempt to look for the lizard. then we saw some tail sticking out from underneath the metal shacks. then...

some sqddy: uh-oh. i think we killed it
jlp: its gonna stink u noe. there was a lizard which died in my house once. and it stank!
me: omg. but how to get it out?
bx: (anyhow sweeping the metal shack) cannot come out leh... aiyah nvm la, leave it lo.

(all this while, only connie remained super calm in the face of a crisis. hahaha. she was standing outside all the while, looking very interestedly into the room, with this nice smile on her face to give us support!(: )

later, (cant rmb it if was before or aft meeting the lizard) jiebin and i went to meet jiaolian who was supposed to reach at 1130 to take us to buy containers. then he was LATE. so jiebin and i rotted while waiting for him. we were looking out for a blue car, then aft a while we got so bored we started laming. every comfort taxi we saw, every blue truck or lorry we saw, we went ike, "omg! is that jiaolian?" haha lame. well finally he arrived. and took us to tpy warehouse. some toyogo warehouse. it was damn nice! we got 5 huge boxes, one small ba4 box, 1 fan, 1 white board, 1 air freshener and its refill. all tgt it cost like 195 bucks. we made jiaolian pay. hehe! den later jiaolain took us back to hwachong. then we unloaded all the stuff. he still owes us 10 bucks each for the 30thmay event. hehe.

then we had lunch. turns out when jb and i were away the cleaner came to help sqddys wash the LD room! so nice of him right. THANK U UNCLE(: so its sparkly clean and toilety when we got back. then halfway during lunch sqddys started playing some lame game using the new whiteboard. haha. then we hung the results up, and went off to pack the stuff. started packing the shi kus and shi beis. most of them stank so we brought them to the central plaza to sun. then we continued packing the stuff. ban-ing stuff in...and wala. finally we were done!

then we walked outside, feeling so proud of ourselves...and..

OMG damn alot of rubbish. rubbish included:

2 cupboards (with LION DANCE TROUPE handwritten all over them in chalk)
1 tree (YES its ONE TREE. u din read wrongly)
1 10kg weight
1 vernier callipers
5 benches
many boards
paper, boxes
make up
mirrors
paper cloths (dunno wats that)
2 metal tables (damn ancient omg)

we were like, omg how. cos we were all so tired alrd. and no one in the right mind would want to carry all that barang manually all the way to the guard house, which is on the other side of the sch. so connie jb and i went exploring (aft i went exploring with jlp for trolleys) and we wandered to the guard house, where we saw....MANY GREEN TROLLEYS=D

feeling SUPER EXCITED AND HIGH, we grabbed one and started pushing it back to LD room to load all our rubbish. (yea i noe we looked SUPER unglam.) then jb managed to get the trolley and we wheeled them back to LD room to load all the stuff. (well, most of it) then we pushed it back to the guard house. so, to get rid of all our rubbish, we took 6 trips to the guard house. cool eh. haha.

finally, cleaning up was DONE. then we left the stuff in LD room, nvr reallie pack the boxes, and just shou gong.

YAY. cleaning up was more fun than i expected!=)

2007-04-21T14:55:00.000+08:00

hmm

vvvv long nvr blog le...

im supposed to do PI now! but im so so bored i shall slack 1st. haha.

im feeling random now. so i shall blog random thoughts.

why always liddat de... why issit ppl only noe how to treasure other ppl when they're gone? why issit that ppl only noe how to treasure their life when they've lost it? why issit that ppl tend to take things for granted?

im liddat. unfortunately. tts why im missing it like hell now. i want the past back. ive nvr been a person who could let go and move on without looking back. its just too hard. but when i look back, i can nvr move forward again. so whats it? its like im caught in some time warp. when im alone, im in my own little world, reliving those precious moments of my life, all by myself. because everyone has alrd moved on. everyone has gotten over it. everyone else noes that its all over, and we can nvr have that life back again, tts why they let go. and thats why im left alone here all alone, to reminisce by myself. bitten by the bug of nostalgia, as jlp puts it.

i miss BCC. i miss eating at bcc with sqddies, be it on saturdays aft ACT/sqd meetings, or even on the occasional weekday when we're free. chatting, passing our time in innocence, love and truth.

for the same reasons, i miss eating at KAP tgt too.

and i miss sitting in NP room before ACT, listening to november's chopin, (hahaha!), stoning ard, practising drills, then when its nearing the start of ACT, rushing to change into full U for muster. then everyone kanchiong tgt. haha. kanchiong spiders!

i also miss being in NP room aft ACT, when everyone's all lethargic and worn out from the "many happenings" during ACT. its nice knowing NP room is a place where each and every member of the sqd will return too from their respective sqds or wherever they were at during ACT. even if u didn see a particular sqdmate for the whole entire ACT/day, u noe ull see her back at NP room aft ACT. sometimes exclaimations of "eh i din see u today!" could be heard admist all the laughter and cursing as we share our EXCITING and interesting experiences during ACT while we change out of full U.

i enjoy stoning in NP room with sqdmates...just sitting on the floor and listening to the whirring of the fan overhead. then we'll look into each others eyes/faces and smile. i love the times when we shou4 wei3 qu1, then we'll gather in NP room to curse some ppl tgt. haha. and we'll make up silly stories to laugh at certain ppl. its a wonderful feeling to noe that there are always these ppl around, to share all ur sorrows, all ur pain, and when u shou4 wei3 qu1, these ppl will be here to help u curse him/her. its great noeing that we're all here to make each other feel better.

i miss sqd drills. i miss doing campcraft tgt even.

i miss cheering. i miss singing songs tgt as a sqd. i want those times back...

i miss sch ATC. its reallie the best best camp. ever. i even miss areaATC. cos thats where our unity is the strongest. when we're away from home, we'll look aft each other even more. we'll treasure time tgt even more. we'll miss each other even more.

HAIX.

hmm. u also. why issit that u seem to treasure me only when im gone? u were nvr this nice. then now..
the worst thing is, i NOE exactly how u feel. but i cannot treat u back the same. u noe why. things have changed. tho mayb u dun feel it. but i do. i can feel ur desperation to seek the same feeling. but its nvr gonna return.
u noe it.

dun ever take me for granted. i may seem like ill always be here. but things can change. and when they do, dun come running back and looking for me. i may look back, but looking back is different from being there.
treasure me.

treasure all ur frens.

treasure ur family.

treasure ur happiness.

treasure everything u hold dear...

then maybe u wun regret so much.

and maybe i wouldn have regretted so much too.

2007-03-25T00:36:00.000+08:00

why issit i dun feel the same anymore?

have i changed? i think i have.

im so different now, i guess. my past feels like an etch-a-sketch drawing. all black white and feathery.

it feels so long ago, but yet i noe its still here lingering. i can sense its presence.

sense its presence. yes. just sense. not feel it, not touch it. i no longer have it. its just somewhere lingering around me. but im no longer attached to it.

why. maybe ive moved on?

but if so why do some things keep bothering me? things keep happening, which forced me to dig up my past. if not, there's always my subconscious mind here to remind my happy-go-lucky conscious mind of stuff. stuff that i thought i had forgotten. stuff that i told myself nvr to dig up again.

i dunno. so much has happened in this period of less-than-three-months. both positive and negative stuff. maybe u can say this is one of the little extremities in life, when the positive stuff are reallie vvv enjoyable, exciting, interesting and heartwarming, while the negative stuff is total bullshit.bullshit that affects u horribly. bullshit that makes u cry, makes u stressed,makes u depressed. haix.

nvm. whatever.

im still wondering how i should tell u. how will u react? what will u think? how would u feel?

these qns kept running thru my head over and over agn. yes im vvv bothered by it. and i NEED to tell u. it will also be a huge relief for me. but i dun dare to tell u. because i can anticipate ur reaction. and im scared of seeing it for real. argh. but i oe i MUST tell u. and i will.

okay this is the end of my vvv short post

2007-03-08T00:23:00.000+08:00

ive nvr had a happier day in my life.

EUNICE IS POSTED BACK TO HC!!
RACHAEL IS POSTED BACK TO HC!!
MUD DECIDES TO STAY IN HC!!

OMG.

there can be miracles...when u believe...
eug van n i were just listening to this song ytd...then halfway thru, we realised how close this song was to wat was happening.

was it reallie a miracle that eunice came back?
or was everything just a test?
a test of time. a test of sincerity. a test of friendship, sisterhood and love.

if it was a test, then im proud to say that we all passed with ultra flying colours. no matter who it was, the mention of JAE just brought everyone together. everyone was helping everyone else to appeal. the whole atmosphere in HC was tense for the whole of ytd and today. reallie scary.

but at least we pulled thru!

to all who appealed successfully, a reallie big CONGRATS!!(((:
to those who were not so fortunate, im v sorrie. i hope uve enjoyed ur time with us as a sch. ur friends will miss u...but life has to go on. may u love ur new school as well! take care!

to rach:
haha! i only talked to u once. and even then it was virtual chatting! however, i do feel a sense of closeness to u. haha maybe its because of the way we are linked. we have an interesting friendship. HAHA! u dunno how relieved i am that ure staying! ytd i was worried that u might leave hc..

i MUST make it a point to talk to u someday!(:

to eunice:
darling!!! OMG u dunno how worried we were!!!! now finally results out le. u HAVE NO IDEA how ecstatic i was when i heard tt ure in!!! i had an urge to call u guys and scream over the phone! haha.

i dun care. im giving u the biggest bear hug ever tmr!!(:

to mud:
I LOVE YA LOTS!!((:(:(: U ROCK!! thanks for staying!!! we nvr ever separate, do we?;)
10 years and counting, of BESTFRIENDSHIP!

and a BIG THANK U to whoever's up there who's watching over us(:

2007-03-04T20:05:00.000+08:00

just read jp's blog

started emo-ing all over again.

seriously, sometimes i wonder why i care so much. why i get so pissed over what happened. why im still hanging on to the past and not moving on. its over. ITS OVER! i dunno why i just cant let it go.

and it seems like its only the two of us who are reallie affected by this. n hj and carol. tho they were nvr reallie hit by the magnitude of HIS wrath right smack in the face, they were always there to share it.

its too hard for jp and i to forget.

the way u condemed us a FEW WEEKS into our NCO life.
the way u made numerous EMPTY promises to us. and to think we were actually innocent and stupid enough to believe u.
the way u threw away ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVEN pages of OUR hard work without even looking at it.
the way u used ALL means to stop us from getting what we want. (NYNP had a DAY CAMP. ugh! wat a joke! DID U REALISE HOW HUMILIATING THAT WAS? DID U REALISE HOW DISAPPOINTED THE REST OF THE UNIT WERE? WE ARE A UG. A DAY CAMP IS PATHETIC, U FREAKING BALDING PIECE OF SHIT!)
the way u NEVER follow wat u PREACH.
the way u freaking stood at the back of the hall watching the most freakingly disgusting ceremony going on
the way u nvr failed to spoil things for us again and again.

and now?

why, u simply gave it to them
hmm? did they write ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVEN PAGES?
did they spend 122 days and nights perfecting the proposal for ur viewing??
did they beg u?
did they lick ur boots? polish ur shoes? wash ur transplanted hair?

no, im sure they didn.
but they got it SO SIMPLY.
why ah?
tell me.

ITS BECAUSE URE SIMPLY BIASED.
u practice favouritism so beautifully u engulf all of us in ur embrace.
u spin us round and round in ur intricately spun cocoon so that we will obediently comply to what u say.
then later, u just walk off. disappear. and leave us to suffocate in ur cocoon.
u hoped we'll die, didn u? u thought we died, right?

ure wrong.

havent u ever learnt science? (oH, i forgot. ure a HISTORY teacher. u have only VERY elementary knowledge of science. aye, how could i be so insensitive? tsktsk.)
what comes out of a cocoon, is not dead ppl. its not shit or crap either.
the ONLY thing that emerges from a cocoon is a brand new life.

maybe i should THANK u for creating butterflies out of us.
after all, what doesnt kill u only makes u stronger.

look at us. and look at u NOW. everyone's moved on. we have different lives now. we are happy, contented, and maturing beauifully.
look where u are. ure still in the same place, doing the same mediocre(oH i forgot. maybe making ppl's lives miserable isn mediocre to u at all. u enjoy it, dun u?) job for the same pathetic salary. and what do u get out of this?

nothing.

sober up. what ure doing will nvr get u anywhere. the only change i see in u is ur progressively thinning hair struggling to emerge from ur pathetic scalp. i just dun understand u. u transplanted ur hair twice didn u? both times it failed, didn it? then? u still dun get it? why do u keep wasting resources? just give up! give the hair to someone else who needs it more AND is more fated to have hair on his/her head.

*scoffs* when will u ever learn?

u just dun give a damn, do u?
please. we dun need u to give a damn abt us. but how abt ur child? do u have any idea what implications ur actions might have? hello, earth to u, havent u ever heard of KARMA?

yes, thats right. karma. OH, u just realised it din u? what? what did u say? oH, ure regretting, issit? ooh, and did i hear a SORRY coming from u? why, i dunno wat to say. should i tell u the truth? yes? okay, here goes...

karma is built up over time, u freaking shithead. with ALL the bad and horrible naughty things u have done, no amount of good deeds will ever be able to balance it.

so there.

go pray ba. pray, pray hard.
u'll need it.
tho i dunno who up there will be willing to help u.

2007-02-11T18:43:00.000+08:00

okay. i finally found some inspiration to blog...

so much has happened in the past 3 weeks.

its like, everything i nvr imagined has happened. i dunno what to say.
not that i realised it immediately. it was more like a sudden realisation that day when i was talking to snail.

sometimes i dunno what to do.

not that i dun like it. its pleasant enough. but shocking i guess. cos i nvr expected it in the first place...i thought i would lead a perfectly normal, mundane life. but now...u can say its screwed i guess. ahhaa. getting used to the screwed life im leading tho.

i rmb saying ill hate hwachong. but now i love it to bits. hahaha!

i love my classmates too. we're a good class. <3

i noe there are ppl i can turn to, in and out of class when im troubled. i noe there will always be someone for me to confide in(:

im glad whoever's up there is watching over me. and im glad He put me in S79.

valentine's day is coming. for the first time in my life, i actually got gifts for some ppl. hahaha. normally i only give bday prezs.

okay. this post sounds weird. maybe cos im feeling emo now. but i cant write what im feeling here. its too public.

basically, i just wanna say, sometimes ive reallie had enough.

if u can guess then go ahead.
i hate to ***** myself. it hurts.
i hate to ******** until ******. it makes me wanna cry everytime i see my mum.
i hate to ********** esp when im ******************
sometimes my head feels like its gonna burst.
but i noe i cant let that happen. cos i noe i dun have the zige, to be upset, to emo, to breakdown.
dun try to convince me otherwise.
its not going to work.
cos i noe it.

okay...shall stop emo-ing!

haha. i actually have a list of ppl to give prezs to. aiyah shit. what should i get for my angel and mortal. shit shit shit. i feel so guilty. very dui bu qi them. cos i nvr reply their letters de. but its not like i dun want. its not smth i can control. i want to reply, but i dun have the ability to! im so so sorrie. shall get them nicer presents to make up for being a horrible angel and mortal to them):

okay. gtg.

i pray we'll find your light, and hold it in our arms...when stars go on each night, eternal light will shine...

let this be our prayer, when shadows fill our day...

lead us to a place, guide us with ur grace, give us faith so we'll be safe...

2007-02-04T00:17:00.000+08:00

omg i havent updated in 1000 years!

OKAY I SHALL UPDATE NOW!!

i love my class!! 07S79 you rock! woo!!
think we are a superb class....cos we are super close tho we only noe one another for like 3 weeks. hahaha.

aye

dunno what to blog abt. nowadays im braindrained cos of cca

haha.

EVERYONE MUST COME SUPPORT HUANG CHENG OKAY!!(:

rocks rocks.

yay. update again some other time ba

2006-12-28T20:43:00.000+08:00

IF u guys ever go to NANYANG'S POPULAR BOOKSHOP, please BEWARE

there is this irritating asshole there, who has got horribly bad service. she looks real grumpy, with specs and relatively long frizzy hair, dyed brown with streaks of grey.

dun ever approach her for help or anything. not only is she rude, she also has a tendency to look down on children, or ppl whom she sees as children.

ask me, because I went through it.

im too lazy and too tired to type out all the details of my little encounter with her. but i noe im calling her to scold her tmr. its her fault she's down on luck. i'm not to be trifled with when im not in a good mood. so too bad for her.

her attitude is so bad i just felt like shouting at her there and then in the bookshop, and those of u who noe me KNOW i NVR pick quarrels with ppl, regardless of who they are. i always tolerate. even when im in a bad mood. but she made me feel like screaming at her. so since i was nice enough not to do it in the shop in front of everyone, i shall call her and yell at her over the phone tmr. *scoffs* she has no idea what she's in for. ill ruin her day for her. too bad.

she is the reason why bad service in singapore still exists.

2006-12-18T22:07:00.000+08:00

hmm...i had these few days free to myself, so i have been giving some stuff some thought. i also had been reading books by jennifer coburn(not a lot, only 3)and since they were always on the topic of men and women, i shall....blog a little abt men and women today.

men and women mostly dun get along because they are so different. different as in, the men are reallie simple and the women are reallie complicated. examples later, but abt the "simple brain" part, i dun mean to insult. i mean it as a fact. men have simple brains. if u look up the web for...pictures of the male brain(not those from scans cos i bet u wouldn be able to interpret the diagrams) you will realise that a HUGE part of the male brain revolves around sex. so u see, with so much of the brain devoted to sex and sex only, there isnt much space left for other aspects of development, say, speech, for example. therefore, there are many men who arent very vocal. they prefer to 1)write, 2)keep stuff to themselves, 3)fight to put their point across. sounds familiar now?

in the book, Reinventing Mona by jennifer coburn, there was a part abt the difference in the way males and females think which i shall use here.

in this part of the book, Mona was rudely jolted up from her dream by a phone call from mike.

"hey, i'm sorrie, dog. i was just having a good dream and u called and woke me up. u cant blame a girl for being cranky after that"

"oh" he digested. "okay"

"okay, like okay, ure over it? or okay like, 'okay whatever? ure whacked but i dun want to get into it'? "

"is there a difference?"Mike asked.

"the difference is that one is like, 'oh okay i can understand where ure coming from and we're fine now' and the other is like, 'i dunno what ure talking abt, but i dun reallie give a damn either, so i'll say okay so we can change the topic and move onto things i actually care abt...'"

so see, this kinda shows the diff between the functions of the male and female brain. its like, when a man says okay, he reallie means okay full stop. with no further meaning or whatsoever. but women normally like to probe. women LIKE detail. they will investigate EVERYTHING down to the smallest nook and cranny of the matter. men, on the other hand, prefer the big picture, and just as long as they get the idea of whats going on, they can pretty much adapt after that and dun care for the details. therefore, lessons learnt? 1)if u want to gossip, go to a female. u'll get the FULL story 2)if ure in a rush to get things done, ask a male. dun ask a female ecause females will irritate u with all the details.

and this is probably why females are more likely to be secretaries than males. if u notice, men like replays. like...during sports events, they love to watch the replays after every goal or smth. read somewhere that this is because the men cant register whats happening fast enough so they need instant replays to jolt their memory. so, most men dun become secretaries because there are no such things as instant replays in real life. bosses dun like repeating themselves.but women happen to be the more meticulous gender. so mostly we get bored by instant replays. and thats why we make great secretaries, cos we can catch everything the first time round.

so mostly men and women dun get along, because while men likes to keep things simple, women likes things detailed. its like my sis and my brother. if i tell my brother NO, he may argue, but if i shout, he will keep silent and walk away. but if i tell my sister NO, no matter how many times and even if i shout, she will still ask me why. and when i tell her the reason, she'll probe and argue until she gets a satisfactory answer. and its also because women want to noe so much that they can become irritating and cause misunderstandings to arise. men, on the other hand, with their simple ways of thinking and handling things can cause ppl to feel that they have a heck-care attitudeand couldn be bothered by whats happening around them.

okay. this post i realised, is very messy. hahaha feel bad abt leaving the topic hanging there in the air, but nvm, its my random thoughts all spilled out in one post. there now u have the original si1 lu4 of mmm. next time i'll blog more abt other stuff. TATA

2006-12-15T21:28:00.000+08:00

haix

muddie is still away at camp. but she'll be back tmr. according to jb their camp ends tmr. so i'll get to see her!

for one day only though.

haix. so many things have happened and i just want someone to talk to. 24 hours is so far away. i hope she's fine and all. eat well...sleep...nah. she couldn have slept well. so little hours of sleep every night!

u noe, somehow that blithering shithead is always in my mind. just cant get him out of my head. its like, he's always in our lives, meddling with all our affairs. i hate him so much. jlp and i already had everything planned. we'll heck all the way. kill him with our nonchalance and indifference towards his presence. and of course, our little tatics will enhance the WHOLE effect.

reallie feel like slapping the shit out of him and tearing all his *********ted hair off his pathetic scalp.

wth wth wth.

i have a lot of anger in me now. like jlp says, ytd renewed our hate towards him. retribution will befall him soon. oh, just wait. after all, there is justice in this world. i believe the saying, do unto others what u want others to do unto u, was not concocted for fun.

lalala

i dun suppose there is anything else left to say. thats all for today's post. not in the mood for some insightful crap.

2006-12-13T19:37:00.000+08:00

hmm

u noe i was just thinking, sometimes singapore can be so absurd.

lets talk abt service, the most trivial parts of it, since the biggest problems always arise from small things, from MY point of view

if u go to the supermarkets in singapore often, u will realise that promoters of various foodstuffs in the supermarket are unwilling to offer their products to children. normally, when these promoters see children, they will ignore them. very very seldom will they actually offer these children food samples. and i applaud these small handful who offer food samples to children.

when my friends and i go to supermarkets and walk past these promoters, they'll mostly pretend we werent there, even when we ask abt the food they are promoting, they will just dismiss our queries or answer briefly in a totally slipshod way. but its like, when i go with an adult, ah then things are reallie different. the promoters will coo away in ur face, urging u to try their food samples and to buy their products. this reallie pisses me off. okay, maybe u ppl out there might wonder to urself what this crazy girl is ranting about, but the biggest problems reallie arise from the smallest things. small things, like this. ppl always think that children are poor and...generally penniless, as compared to adults. well yes, i cannot blame them for thinking that way. after all, most of the time, we dun look like we are buying anything. but does that mean we arent entitled to the same treatment that adults get?some adults also walk around without buying anything u noe. and seriously. how do u noe tht we arent rich enough to buy the stuff u are promoting? do u have to force us to take out wads of dollar bills and wave them in ur face like a fan before u are willing to extend the same treatment as adults to us? when that time comes, i wun even bother to look at u crawling back to beg me to buy ur food. humph. and just smth to think abt, what makes u think our parents are not with us? my mum always sends me to walk alone around the supermart to do market survey for her. and i believe she isn the only parent, no?

*u noe, on a sidenote, maybe all parents should send their children out on "market surverys". not for the food, but to actually test the quality of service from these promoters. would be fun, dun u think?

another thing, service should begin at home. If u observe carefully, most of the time, foreigners(in this case, it means tourists) are treated much much better than Singaporeans(general term for ppl who live in singapore. PRs foreigners and singaporeans). As in, besides the fact that foreigners get all the smiles and Singaporeans dun, ppl are also generally more polite and courteous towards foreigners and not Singaporeans. Yes, I noe and I understand why Singaporeans are always treated fairly worse than foreigners. But still, isn’t the government always harping on providing good service to consumers? Aren’t we consumers too? Good service is impt for the growth of the economy of a country. I agree that foreigners play a part in contributing to our economy, but isn’t it true to say that we, the ppl who live in this country contribute much more to the economy? After all, we are here all year round.

U noe the GEMS(it stands for Go the Extra Mile for Service, in case u didn noe) campaign set up in Singapore? Well I definitely hope that kinda treatment extends to us countrymen! I seriously feel that service providers should extend equal treatment to ALL consumers, regardless of whether u are rich, poor, tourist or not. After all, tourists can SEE. Though they will no doubt be superb-ly flattered by the first class treatment they get, they will nonetheless be critical when they see the difference in treatment between tourists and non-tourists. What will they say then?

Besides, how do U noe whether a tourist is a tourist or not? Some tourists may LOOK and SPEAK like Singaporeans, so unless they whip out their identity card or in this case, passports, u wouldn noe, would u? so lets say u meet a tourist like that and make the mistake in thinking he is Singaporean, when he is not. And u extend the cool, indifferent, or maybe even hostile kind of treatment towards serving him. What kind of impression will U, as a service provider leave on him? Or even worse, what kind of impression will Singapore leave on him? U wouldn want to make that mistake, would u? man, wouldn that spell doom for u! worse still…if he is a columnist in a newspaper, or a critic. What would he write? I wouldn want to imagine. SO, to prevent this kind of mistakes from happening, (or happening again, for ppl who might have made the mistake once already) GIVE EVERY SINGLE COMSUMER THE BEST SERVICE THAT U POSSIBLY CAN.

And my, when that day comes, there will only be choruses of praises in the air, and no one will ever criticize service in Singapore again.

2006-12-05T22:40:00.000+08:00

i have decided

if i dun become a doctor, or a chemist when i grow up, i will be an ambassador against religion and racial discrimination!

i mean it. dun laugh.

i even thought of a name for it. the BROWN RIBBON CAMPAIGN.

why brown? u ask. well...add red, brown, white, black, yellow, or in other words, all the different skin colours of races. and what do u get? black plus white=grey, red plus yellow=orange, therefore by estimation, grey+orange+brown=brown? i'm quite sure of it. so i shall launch the BROWN RIBBON CAMPAIGN, an all out effort against racism and religious discrimination. and when that happens, i hope everyone out there will support my movement. i thank u all in advance.

let me preach.

racial and religious discrimination is commonly seen in our society. daily, we hear of killings going on in other countries, if not our own. news of murder of people from a different race, genocides in rwanda and sudan and europe during the holocaust(there is so much info on the holocaust so just google "holocaust" and read urself) which shocked the world when news of them spread are very real cases of religious and racial discrimination. but the question is, is racial and religious discrimination inevitable? my answer is, NO. it only SEEMS inevitable because we humans made it so. i am a 16 year old girl, and if i can live in harmony with different races, why cant u?

ppl talk abt the fear factor in racial and religious discrimination. it is true, actually. humans are selfish creatures. we constantly fear. in the working world, we fear that our colleagues will out-perform us, we fear that we wun get promoted, we fear that someone else might come along and rob us of our jobs. in school, we fear that someone else might trump us in an exam, leaving us stumped and feeling stupid, we fear that our friends will hate us, so we constantly change ourselves to keep our friends etc. yes. i do not deny that all of us fear. even i do. its human to fear, because humans are selfish, and think only of themselves.

but because humans are he2 qun2 de4 dong4 wu4 (er...groupy animals?!) we dun work alone. thus ppl tend to gather together, in their own "species", or race/religion to fear other races/religions. why does a race fear another? well, imagine this. u and ur ppl have been living in country A for a long time. then alonng comes this group of ppl who are 1)smarter, 2)more efficient than u. they settle in country A and live happily, using the country's resources, but bringing good economical growth to the country. being the country's original inhabitants, u are AFRAID that one day they might take over and run ur country, leading the country. u then feel that its odd to have foreigners leading ur country, and u suddenly feel that u dun want them here anymore, thus u start to HATE them, and want them out. see how fear leads to hate now? but though some hate comes out of fear, some ppl hate just for the sake of hating. just because they dun like ur skin colour, they hate u. just because they dun like the way u speak, they hate u. but think abt it ppl. isnt it totally brainless and stupid to discriminate against skin colour? its not as if u can help being born a certain colour. why cant everyone live in harmony and be friends? we all share a world. i think i'm being emotional but i'll say this. if the above story abt country A and its inhabitants happens, shouldn the inhabitants be happy? foreigners are IMPROVING the economy for their country. they should be grateful to them! not hate them! besides, if country A is pissed that their leaders are foreigners, then make them citizens! set a rule, or a law or smth.

since we all live on this earth, we have to learn how to share. we have to put our selfishness aside and think. is it worth it hating and killing others just because u fear them for selfish reasons? everyone is a daughter or a son of someone else. do u think it is fair to rob someone of their child? how would u feel if someone took ur child away from u?

as for religious discrimination, i feel its a more complicated matter to explain.according to the internet, religious discrimination is "valuing a person or group lower because of their religion, or treating someone differently because of what they do or don't believe". that, i noe, but what i dunno is WHY. i seriously dun understand. issit because of fear too? but i dunno what's there to be afraid of. but i noe most religious people believe that their god is the one true god. well, yes it is true. but cant EVERYONE share a god? god is universal. its like, even though diff religions have diff gods, their teachings are generally alike. 1) god is merciful. 2) god loves his children 3) god will look upon u when u need him 4) do not sin 5) do good, and u will be repaid. do bad, and retribution will befall u 6) in life, coming together is fate 7) we were created by god. of course, there are discrepancies, but i will not discuss them here, because to discuss i'll need to give examples, thus indirectly naming the religion i'm talking abt. but seriously, if every god teaches us to be good, merciful, and loving, why cant we believe in all gods? if u dun want to believe that god is universal, at least make an effort to accept and respect others' gods, and not stubbornly argue that ur god is the true god.

sometimes, religious discrimination becomes so serious that ppl fight or kill one another. well, isnt that ironic? god teaches us to love, care and show mercy to others. He teaches us to forgive all who have done us wrong, and love them in return. but look what the religious followers of god are doing? everytime i read abt killings because of this i get very upset. because i dun understand why. reallie, if U LOVE UR GOD, ABIDE BY HIS TEACHINGS! like what's the meaning of this? i thought religious ppl respect their gods and love their gods. well if u respect god, and is a follower of god, u have to learn from Him and practice what He teaches! how do u think god will feel up there when He sees his people killing others? what makes u think all the gods up there dun wish for everyone to respect every god? i'm sorrie i'm getting very emo here, but i reallie feel damn strongly abt this.

i want everyone to live in harmony, is that so hard? i want to see the whole world holding hands and loving one another, is that so difficult? i want to see everyone making an effort to help others who are in need, and i noe that can be done. there's a chinese saying, ren3 yi1 shi2, feng1 ping2 lang4 jing4. tui4 yi1 bu4, hai3 kuo4 tian1 kong1. tolerance and giving in to others is very very impt. i guess if everyone can do that, there will be less cause for emo ppl like me to rant like this.

2006-11-28T22:45:00.000+08:00

i cut my nails today!

i used a nail clipper!

i did it by myself!

there, three firsts for me. and each occured because of the other.

i'm so proud of myself. anyone who wants to noe my first ever nail cutting experience can ask me!

so long, tata

2006-11-24T22:03:00.000+08:00

firstly

I AM SO PROUD OF MY SIS!!<3<3<3

okay okay.

hmmm...

i think i'm going to break my promise to whoever that was.

i'm not going to tell u after all....

i'm sorrie. but u'll nvr noe anyway, so its better for the both of us.

u'll just read this, maybe u might feel i'm talkng abt u, maybe u might not. u will only noe that i was thinking of telling u smth, but decided not to. but u'll nvr noe what i wanted to tell u, or why i wanted to let u noe at first but now changed my mind.

in fact....i dun think u even noe who u are...haha. which is all the better.

i dun wish for u to noe. we are happy and peaceful the way we are. why spoil things?

i just want u to noe, i will always love u. and that is one thing that will nvr change.

as for this matter, just leave it to me to cram it into my heart. into a deep deep corner, to be buried in my heart forever. this secret will die with me. so dun worrie abt it.

no one in the world noes abt this. except someone else. also close to my heart. but that someone wun say. and neither will i. so dun pester me to tell u what this is all abt.

if u ever guess, u must noe that i am not angry, sad, depressed or upset in any way. i accepted everything as it came. i was nvr pissed with u for thinking that way. surprisingly i felt a sense of peace. so dun worrie abt it.

i dun want anything to change between us. we're good the way we are.

i love u lots. good night(:

2006-11-22T21:56:00.000+08:00

if ure talking to a kid, does it mean u needn't respect him/her?

i often ponder.

apparently this is true to my father. he strongly believes in it.

i am a person who lives believing in mutual respect. if i respect u, i expect u to respect me back. that is the rule in my world. i dun see why is it so hard for ppl(population 1, my father) to ahdere to that rule. in all my memory, i see him as a strict man. a distant, strict man. since i was young, he would teach me to say please and thank you, but he nvr did use these words himself. as far as i rmb, it was always us children tending to the likes of him, nvr the other way round. i am not a greedy person; i dun ask for much. but is it too much to request that he speak to me in a nice tone and say thank you when i do him a favour? i think not.

in all his life, my father has been a smooth achiever. born academically smart, he topped hwa chong junior college(now HCI) in his first year and was one out of only four people in the school who got 4 As for his A levels, very rare during that time. he declined an overseas scholarship, went on to NUS on a local scholarship, pursued a degree in engineering (and later, a masters degree) and came out to society to work. he met my mum, who happens to be a very good tempered, obliging person who nvr got angry, got married, and had us. my mum takes care of everything in the house, leaving him to spend all the time he wants in his office, where his second home is. so naturally, we children are not close to our father, since we hardly see him.

i suppose my father's smooth life moulded his character. strong headed, hot tempered, proud, mu4 zhong1 wu2 ren2, old, rigid way of thinking, made up the bad side of him. of course, he is responsible, occasionally funny, and very knowledgeable too. sadly, he doesnt potray much of the good side of him; it is the bad side which i often see. you could say he would have made a good father in the 1950s, 1960s. he is the typical MCP of today, believing in only himself and no one else. as the "head of the house" he strongly believes that what he says goes, and will nvr seek /accept a second opinion. he has his own set of views on things, and it is almost impossible to get him to change his view. till today, he believes that u will have a future only if u go to jc. if u go to poly or anywhere else, ure finished. many a time i have argued with him about this. ( i often argue with him). he just doesnt see my point, no matter how i put it across. he believes in the oddest things. "people in neighbourhood schools are goners". "only the shows which i recommend are good. all the shows u and ur siblings watch are rubbish". "canned food is good. u should only eat the food u like. who cares about ur health?" NO. NO. NO.

*(for the first point, in case u dunno, neighbourhood school kids can turn out even more successful than kids who graduate from top schools! reason being? they are more exposed to society, they are more street smart, and they have a higher EQ generally. they may even have a higher IQ. rmb, they are in neighbourhood schools because they are not academically good. it doesnt mean they are stupid, or dumb, or a goner. sometimes, they are smarter than people from top schools. not good academically DOES NOT MEAN not clever. so maybe singapore should stop looking at solely the academic achievements of people. rmb, EVERY SCHOOL HAS THEIR SHARE OF BADLY BEHAVED CHILDREN AND WELL BEHAVED CHILDREN. there is no GOOD SCHOOL in the world. there are only "academically strong schools". BEAR THAT IN MIND. )

as for the second and third point, its true. he reallie thinks like that. whatever show my siblings and i watch are deemed "stupid waste of time, culture-less, value-less" by him. only shows that he recommends are "good for us". which is something i cannot bear. often, these episodes result in huge quarrels between my father and i. among the three children in the family, my character is the most similar to my father's. i inherited the strongest part of him: strong headedness. i insist on my point, he insists on his. rigid, stubborn, neither of us are willing to give in. often, the quarrel/argument ends with me leaving and going to my room, refusing to argue anymore only out of politeness and remembering that he is, after all, still my father.

just the other day, me, being a young, vain girl, decided to apply nail polish on my nails. having done that, i happily sat on the sofa and watched tv. suddenly, i felt the presence of someone behind me. i looked up and saw my father, looking as black as a thunder cloud. he pointed to my nails and asked in a tone which i didn like, "what are those?" i promptly replied that it was nail polish. then he asked(raising his voice), "what did u apply it for?" in that same, disgusting tone. pissed off by now at the lack of respect he showed when talking to a person, i answered indignantly, "i like it". then of course, that also got him pissed, naturally. and he began raising his voice at me, telling me that i had bad character and all that. then i told him, "my teachers also use nail polish". and he almost-shouted back, "ni3 de4 lao3 shi1 shi4 bai4 lei4!" by then, i was super pissed. but i kept quiet, trying to tolerate a little more. then he went on, to tell me about how i have no culture at all, and yadda yadda. then he said, if he sees the nail polish tmr, he will forcefully scrape it off. and i was thinking, scrape, la. scrape and i'll call the cops. sue u for abuse.

like, hello? all u girls out there, please help me justify myself. is nail polish a CRIME? i mean, seriously, dun most girls apply or play with nail polish? furthermore, its the holidays. and its not like i'm applying nail polish on my father! u must understand the seriousness of the situation...i hardly have privacy. the only privacy i get is bathroom privacy, which of course, thank god, he cannot force me to leave the door open. other than that, even when i need some quiet to do homework or to ponder abt stuff, and shut the door behind me, i would hear him screeching from the living room for me to "open that door at once". even when i use the comp and go online, he likes to walk abt to spy on what i'm doing, who i'm talking to etc. and if he cant see, he will ask me what i'm doing. (suddenly rmb smth he doesnt get to flip through...my handphone. thank god.)

okay, this is just a complainy post from me to the public abt my father. i noe its a sin to talk abt my father like that. ppl say, dun wash ur dirty linenin public. but its either this, or i publish a book. which is better? i think this. lesser chance of my father noe-ing actually...*crosses fingers*

i dun think u can classify this as a hate post. its more like a...venting post. and i'm not even shooting at my father. it seems to me that i'm talking in a roundabout manner to not make my father seem as bad as he is and at the same time, not to exergerate the situation at all. so..u be ur own judge.

2006-11-17T21:18:00.000+08:00

aiyoh...a'mah and bin ah...my story havent end lah...

and oo, ure welcome! thought u didn receive my sms...haha.

OKAY. to continue my wonderfully exciting sabbatical,

wednesday: so as i was saying, i settled in D clinic, the colorectal dept.

thursday: i helped in a PROCEDURE!!! as in. the doctor was removing piles via ligation(tying of the piles) from some patient's butt. not enough hands, so he got me to help. he thought i was a TEMP/NEW STAFF!! ahahaha. gave him quite a bit of a shock when i told him i'm a student volunteer. but anyway, i got to watch the procedure! quite interesting, though a bit erxin. its just that the circular dilator opened such a huge hole in the patient's butt it looked gross.

friday, monday, tuesday: clinical work.

wednesday-friday: assisting doctors in the room. real cool. i watched every procedure, every check up being done...some are mammogram follow ups, some are piles, ligation, seroma aspiration...very very interesting. its real good exposure. some doctors damn pro. some are just...mediocre. wun say unpro, cos they sure must have their own reason for doing what they do. so...just mediocre. learnt quite a lot, because 1) i have my chem textbook, 2) there are toms of pamphlets in the doc's room. read every pamphlet there is. HAHA! the nurses all very nice....huey mee, jessie, nisha, mani, leong, doris, pauline, aneetha, azma, siti, rose, wendy, eunice, thank you so much for the love, care and concern u guys have showered upon me. thank you for being so patient and friendly with me, even when i made mistakes. i will always rmb u all(: to safarina, thanks so much for being my friend in the past two days. u were great! all the best in ur new hospital/attachment. gambatte!(: to Dr ooi boon swee, prof wong, Dr brian goh, Dr mark katory, thanks for having me as ur assistant. i must be the klutziest assistant around! and the most blur too. haha. esp to Dr ooi, thanks for being so cheerful and for the occasional humourous lines that brightened up my day(:

besides the envi science sabbatical, this is the best sabbatical i ever attended. i'm now more exposed to society, work politics, etc etc. so its reallie good. hahaha. helped me pass time too(:

o levels are over! congrats on those who survived! for those who only end on the 20th, JIAYOU AND PERSERVERE!! it will end soon! (go leonard!! )

okay bye!

2006-11-10T22:17:00.000+08:00

been working at sgh.

i loved the experience! hahaha

day 1 was boring...did mostly paper work. first i was at the pharmacy. mostly stacking medicine, cutting medicine with yifang. lunch burned a hole in my pocket. then later we were deported to the business office, where we helped lighten ppl's workload by arranging documents in patient's case files. then i went home.

day 2: things stayed as monotonous and mediocre as ever. was deported to the obstretics and gynaecology dept. initially i was excited because i thought i would be able to learn more abt gynaecology. but turned out that those files in the OGC are too private for a volunteer like me to look at, so i was sent to sit in a doctor's room to make folders for the staff there to put the casenotes in. again, lunch burned a hole in my pocket. seriously, dunno why hospital food is so darn ex. it tastes horrible, smells horrible, doesnt settle well in me...the only impressive thing abt it is its price. gosh. after lunch, returned to OGC. this time, i got placed in the staff-room, where i got to tail two very nice nurses everywhere they went. so we went to the MRO, the test room etc. i love the nurses there....ever so friendly and warm. (: later, i got to talk to Sister. had a very nice chat with her and nurse chow. then i left to find mumtaj and went home.

day 3 is when things started to make a turn for the better. i finally settled in clinic E, the neurology dept. did lots of clinical work...like, running errands, making trips to and fro from the MRO. not fun, but at least there are constant changes (oxymoron intended). after lunch, i went to clinic D(under the same sister anyway), colorectal dept. and i stayed there till today. the ppl at clinic D are warmer than the ppl at clinic E. love them to bits!!(:

okay. very distracted now, suddenly dun feel like blogging.

btw, i had a wonderful time today,

BYE!

2006-11-01T20:07:00.000+08:00

hmm...went to send bx, lt and wl off today. gave them the warmest hug and told them to take care before they left. guess it'll be reallie a long while before we even see them again. six weeks. a darn long time. snail will be flying soon too...this sunday. and honey will be going on friday. and lu4 lu4 xu4 xu4, sqdmates who are going overseas will be gone, those that arent will remain on this little island.

i wonder what i'll do this holiday.

besides the service learning, which only starts on the 7th, and the possibility of going to malaysia to visit my relatives, i dun think i have anything else big on. i'll probably be idling my time away as usual; read a bit, study a bit, go out with friends and family, stone, that's abt it. was thinking of getting a holiday job, but i dunno who'll hire me. if i get a job, i want to do smth meaningful or fun though. dun want to take on some job that just requires me to sit there and stone. i dun want to get paid for stoning. so i shall see. i feel like selling my voice to the world. haha. that'll earn bucks. maybe i'll work with advertising or animation companies: i'll be their voice-over. well.

woke up horribly giddy this morning, puking and stuff. dunno what's up with me. and my sentences, i realised, are awfully choppy today. maybe my brain's going on strike. first it triggered dizziness. then now it made me type choppy. argh....

bye!

i promise u, i promise myself that i will tell u everything after Os. everything. just the way it is. the whole truth and nothing but the truth. i promise. now i need time to think of how i am going to break the news. gosh..

2006-10-30T16:38:00.000+08:00

my exams for the year 2006 officially ended today.

chinese wasnt so bad, i guess. hope i make it.

the moment i stepped home, my mum gave me a hug for having finally completed my exams. then she prodded me on my shoulder, and smiling, said to me, "time to study again ah! next year J1 already!" man, i looked at her in utter shock. i dunno if she noticed my jaw hanging so far down it almost touched the floor. although she laughed later and patted my shoulder, i dunno whether to take her words for real, i mean, like i just finished my exams??

okay, maybe i SHOULD start studying. a BIT. after all, it was study, break....hardly study, then exams finally ended. well. couldn say i put in all my cows and horses for this chinese paper. but i did read, a BIT. haha. but i'm not reallie in the mood to play yet, anyway. first, there's target. oh its excruciating just to think abt it. TARGET. gosh. its bugging me night and day, day and night. dunno when it'll be completed. and i just cant get any ling gan for it! arghh!! i did abt 9 pieces already...even my friend was shocked la. everytime my friend talks to me, i'm always doing target...couldn help but blurt out one day, "eh why u always doing target ah??" well, i didn noe what to reply. =S gosh. haha...

secondly, many of my close friends are still having exams. ppl like ah mud, whom i normally go out with, my cousins dawnnie and leonard-the-irritating-tall-one, friends from other schools, six-ducks, flea, and my other pri sch friends. so even if i go out and play, it wun be so excitingly exciting. because even when ure out playing with ur closest friends, and u think of how ur other friends are slogging away at home for the exams, u cant help but feel a teeny weeny bit guilty. dunno abt u ppl, but for me, i definitely feel a strong twinge of guilt, like i shouldn be out here, but should go home and study like them.

thirdly, i didn reallie study very hard this year, so when everything's over, i dun feel any kind of relief. i feel...the same. *frowns* (i rmb penguin and i were talking and laughing abt how "same" we feel. haha) so i still feel like taking out stuff to read and blah. like normal. just that the stuff i read now will probably be different. haha. like my pill book, and zhichangdachangjin. shall finidh reading them, though i cant gurantee i can rmb every drug in the pill book. i cant even pronounce the names. gosh. i can only noe the drug and tell u its function if you show me the name. grah.

and finally. i got some inspiration for target! yay. i'm happy with how it looks. knew that the pic i found was a good one! haha. hopefully it comes out okay. when i sent it it looked distorted=S. ah well.

yay. my show's starting in 21 minutes. i shall go stone a while before coming back on. tata.

PS. to all out there taking o levels, marry-me-maria sincerely wishes u all the best! may you stay focused throughout the exams and give it ur best shot! break a leg!(:

2006-10-26T23:46:00.000+08:00

its been nearly a week.

school ended for real today. (except for us who have to go back for o level exams)

quite sad actually. the reality of leaving the school didn reallie hit anyone until ytd. maybe we just took everything for granted. or maybe, it just didn feel like the last day of school. at least, to me, i feel the latter. it seemed like there were many more days to come. i feel so unprepared for jc. gosh. no booklist? no uniform list? no new-school-preparation stuff?

feels so odd. reallie.

4 years reallie flew. i still rmb the first time i set foot in nanyang as a student on the first day of school in 2003. now, i'm stepping out of nanyang, 4 glorious (i wouldn say glorious. colourful, maybe) years later. through that same door, with the same mixed feelings: sad, at leaving my past behind, but happy, at stepping into a new stage in life. except, this time, my past will be locked in the gates of nanyang, instead of in rvps.

its not reallie goodbye for the IP students. we'll still be seeing everyone around. just that we would be in different locations, different lessons, different teachers, different environment, with different classes, different friends, different personalties...

nothing ever stays the same, because the only constant thing is changes.

but i hate change. i am a nostalgic person, i love to bask in memories. i like to leave a place, come back and see everything the way it is. but most of the time, its not possible. take this year. when we leave, most of my subject teachers will be leaving with us. when i come back to nanyang next year, who will i be looking forward to meet? mrs chua, mrs soh, mrs wong...and? of all our subject teachers, the only ones not leaving are the abovenamed. even mdm mak is leaving, which is rather sad. gosh...

even my primary school changed. and what a change it was. the school address changed, school building changed, school building design changed, school teachers changed, school children changed(though this is inevitable cos every year new ppl come in and old ones go...duh..), canteen aunties and uncles changed, the food changed, and i believe the VP also changed. mdm seah left... i loved my primary school, and i still do, actually. its just that when so many things change, u find no point in even going back to the school, because everything seems so unfamiliar. you might as well step into a totally foreign school and try to make urself comfortable. the results might most prob be the same.

all my best memories of my primary school are gone: the large field at blk B where ah mud and i used to go crazy after school everyday catching falling leaves, great world city, still one of our fav places, the lovely canteen auntie at canteen B who sold the most scrumptious mee siam in the whole wide world, our fav drinks stall uncle and aunie at canteen A who used to give ah mud and i heaps of extra ice cream because we were her valued customers, walking into the staff common room anytime we liked just to talk to teachers, chatting with mrs singh and mdm seah, swinging and doing stunts on the monkey bars, hours and hours of ice and water class games, etc etc...

haix. every farewell, my memories fly me back to the past, where i relive some of the best periods of my life...

2006-10-26T22:21:00.000+08:00

2006-10-20T23:21:00.000+08:00

we graduated today.

a serious serious mixture of feelings.

i actually felt sad. tears were stinging my eyes when we sang the school song and the farewell song. but i noe deep down inside, a part of me is actually glad to leave. leave for what, leave to where i have no idea. i just noe i want to leave.

maybe its a form of escapism. but what am i escaping from? is there anything worth escaping from in this school? i noe a while back, escaping was the ultimate solution. escaping to us was like walking into paradise. but now the worst is over. is there still anything left for me to run away from?

i suppose i lived my life escaping from things: when my teacher was fierce, i tried to escape by refusing to go to school. when my friends were mean, my mum taught me to escape their taunts by ignoring them. when my father came home from business trips, my siblings and i escaped, avoided talking to him by pretending we were busy. in this life, i had done a lot of escaping. but that, i suppose, contributed to the rebellion that we were destined to go through, and since rebellion is a beautiful phase in our growth from an adolescent to an adult, i suppose u could say, indirectly, that escapism helped me mature.

escapism is common in our society. i dare say no one has lived their life nvr escaping from anything, ever. no. that is not possible. think back on your life, and on what you have done, and you will realise, perhaps in a small crack of your life, when something bad happens, something frustrating and beyond your control happens, you felt like running away. you felt like throwing all this burden off your shoulders and just run. run, run run, to nowhere, for no comprehendable reason. you noe you just want to run. that was a form of escapism. but whether or not you did it is another issue altogether. naturally, escapism comes in two forms: actions and thoughts. even though you might not have reallie escaped, but just thought of escaping instead, it is still escapism. you thinking of escaping, your thoughts of running away serve as a relief to you, who is a pathetic stress victim. thus, you are no different from those who actually escaped by action, except for the implications that come along with escaping for real.

those who silent rebel, ie just have thoughts of escaping, or subconsciously rebel, are generally on the "safer" side, because they probably have less consequences to consider. their most problematic problem would probably be that they would not be able to release/untie???/remove their burden and the knot in their heart (aiyah. jie3 kai1 xin1 zhong1 de4 jie2) and will probably suffer from depression, hbp as a result. but those who reallie escape might most prob regret, and this kind of regret will last a lifetime, because when they were seeking relief for their own selfish needs, (though its not reallie selfish because sometimes things can reallie be potentially problematic and reallie hard to handle, esp if ure on ur own) they might have forgotten their family and friends beside them. and in a desperate attempt to escape, some ppl might commit suicide, which would totally crush the lives of their loved ones. so in their "desperate attempt", these ppl end up with 1)guilty conscience even as a ghost, 2) having everyone hate him/her as a result 3)if he doesnt die, he'll feel horrible guilty for the rest of his life, and will probably suffer from depression and hbp as a result, just like the one above.

yar,

okay i noe this is very slipshod. i dunno what i'm doing because i'm so darn tired. i have a feeling i'll come read this post one day and wonder to myself which incoherent idiot was typing this

okay. feeling reallie gong now..

NIGHT

2006-10-13T22:44:00.000+08:00

i think i'm a real lucky girl.

i have parents who love me, siblings who dote on me, (though its supposed to be the other way round...but..) and i'm my grandma's favourite.

i have what i want, i have what i need, what else can i ask for?

adding on to those, i have good friends and i lead a happy and colourful life.

i reallie am fortunate. and i dun ask for anything else.

when i see ppl less fortunate, ie, ppl who come from dysfunctional families, or lead an unhappy life, i symphatise with them. genuinely. but i dun pity them; i nvr do pity anyone, because i believe no one likes to be pitied, with the exception of the utterly pathetic.

i dun like seeing ppl unhappy. and i like it when ppl tell me they are unhappy, so i can help make them happier. if i cant solve their problem, i can be by their side to lend them the support which can only come from a friend who cares. and if i make anyone upset, i'll prefer that they tell me, so i can change myself. i just want everyone around me to lead a happy life. is that so hard?

maybe its a bit too much to ask for. after all, happiness is perceptive. i may be easily contented, but others may have high expectations of themselves. but i want my friends to noe that even in their lowest times in life, even in their darkest nightmares, there is someone who cares for u, and who's hand will be forever there for u to cling on to. i will be there to haul my friends out of trouble, to the best of my ability. i will be there as a listening ear for anyone who needs me.

yes. i will do that, for someone to lead a happy life.

2006-10-13T22:30:00.000+08:00

feel so darn sad today.

dunno why.

not because of results or anything...its just...feeling sad.

because of someone perhaps. this special someone so close to me.

a precious someone whom i cannot ever afford to lose.

actually i knew it all along. but i didn feel sad then.

its just now.

ah whatever. i'm a temperamental girl.

and besides feeling sad, i also feel ultra darn drunk.

cos i've been drinking. with my mum.

quite normal actually. jus that i nvr get drunk. except now.

some wine it was.

pah.

2006-10-07T20:53:00.000+08:00

the exams went by in a flash.

no wait. shouldn say that. haix, still have one last paper to go...math paper 2. just our luck that paper 2 takes place on monday. monday=monday blues.

monday blues + killer math paper 2 = killer blues + monday paper 2

there. displacement reaction.

argh so lame la.

dun feel like taking paper 2. that sounds so cliche...haha. haix. i wish that monday never comes. but i want the exams to be over!! cant the teachers void paper 2? wouldn life be so much easier? for us and for them. cos since i predict (not me only, everyone) that paper 2 will be a true killer, the teachers better prepare some handy paper bags while they mark our papers. they're going to need them=X

okay...cant spend the entire post lamenting abt stupid paper 2. shall dream abt where i should go after exams. woohoo...

1) must go ice skating. been waiting my whole short life of 16 years and 5 months for this
2) must go shopping. (oh its simply heaven to be among the racks and racks of clothes. shopping with fish is simply divine. i rmb how we tried on everything we liked just for the sake of admiring ourselves in the mirror of the dressing room. ahha)
3) must binge. (fish promised we'll go eat KFC cheesy meal)
4) must watch dvds. all the dvds i have in my home. woohoo...dunno how much i missed. shall go on a harry potter marathon!! watch all 4 harry potter movies!! 12 hours!!!

and many other things.

ah. thoughts of after-exam-periods are always so inviting and delightful. just doesnt make u want to return to reality. however, the irony is, when the exams are reallie reallie over, u just get so bored and want to get back to studying. (at least for me). HAIX. the first thing u worry abt after exams, though, is checking scripts. which reminds me, i shall not go to sch on friday. whoohoo.

i'm crazy.
i'm so totally darn bored.

come online!! u!!
and talk to me!

2006-09-30T00:04:00.000+08:00

fish and i have a new friend--BONZO

actually, that's the name of the funny librarian here at bukit merah library. but well we decided to name the cute, flubber-like blue slime BONZO too because its equally clownish and funny.

bonzo the slime was given to me by my dear classmate cao lei, when she saw that i was so enchanted by her blue slime. before bonzo, i had red slime which i didn give a name to; it died too fast. (we were making slimes and superballs in chemistry class). just so u noe, the once-lovely, once-alive red slime is still in its little plastic home, rotting away. i havent had the heart to throw it away, and now its like decolourising and...separated into two layers. dun dare to touch it though. didn reallie have a good experience with PVA=X and goodness noes what kind of bacteria red slime might have already contracted due to the numerous times i dropped it which may be passed on to me. ah well. at least i visit red slime everyday. but now that its dead, we cant reallie do much. i tried mixing the two layers, but it didn work. chain links too dense/tight/compact. oh poor poor red slime.

okay. enough of red slime. lets talk abt...BONZO.

hmm. or maybe not. i'm suddenly sick of talking abt slime. okay. change topic..'

ah. i decided i dun want to become a chemist already....too much risk. any company who hires me is in for big trouble. either 1) incur too much loss until bankrupt, 2) everything sold has flaws 3) factory blown up 4) smth worse u can think of. whatever it is.

yar. so i guess u get the idea. the possibility of me 1) losing things, 2) forgetting things, 3) being careless, dropping things, and thus as a result 4) blow the factory up, or 5) make faulty products by accident, which leads to my first point, 6) company incurs a huge huge loss. ah well. at least i'll make history.

so i decided...i'll be a child psychologist! lee ah snail, yifang, ruibin all think that i'm more cut out for social stuff, like arts or psychology. i decided i shall take two courses in the U...chem and psychology. then later when i do my masters or smth then i can go into child psychology and food/organic (depending on my mood) chemistry. then finally, after i complete my studies, i can 1) get married, 2) have a kid, 3) have a job, 4) have a good pay, 5) job-hop. whoopee. i'm that kind who needs to job hop. cos i dun have a long attention/interest span. nothing entertains me for long. (oops i hope no potential boss of mine is reading this... ah better stop writing. bad for my image=X)

okay. suddenly feel tired. i'm going to sleep.

oh man. this is such a crappypost...

2006-09-15T20:38:00.000+08:00

i want to be a chemist.

i'm very sure.

at least...i think so. i may change my mind...like always. (:

ah well. but if anyone noes of any job which allows me to work in the hospital yet at the same time hold a chemist's job (not a pharmacist please. i dun mean any offence, reallie, but i just dun want to spend my life standing behind the counter giving out medicine...=X)and get a high pay, cos i reallie need it, i'll gladly take it. of course, i dun mind being a doctor too. actually, i want to be a doctor...maybe a paediatrician, or a psychologist, or a gynaecologist...but since my first and possibly ONLY aspiration in life is to be a xian2 qi1 liang3 mu3 ten years from now, i dun think it'll work out if i were to go for a degree in medicine (think PHd is more like it...since mere graduates are littered all over singapore already) since it would take YEARS. and when i say years, i mean more than 10 years. cos there's like internship and housemanship (have been talking a lot to yifang) so yar. sometimes u cant have ur cake and eat it. so i'll just do chem, since i like it and according to ppl, its somewhat my forte. then hopefully before i get married and settled down, i'll already have had my degree and a job for a few years. so i wun be totally penniless.

i'll make sure i'm nvr totally penniless, because things can happen after marriage. say if i have to get a divorce, i must have money of my own so i'll be able to fight for the custody of my children and raise them till they get a job of their own. so u see, in just a veryshortspan of TEN years, i have to
1) get a degree in chem (however far i can go)
2) get a (high paying?) job
3) work for a few years
4) save a tidy sum of money
5) get married
6) have kids

gosh. what a lot to accomplish in ten years.

i reallie hope i can make it. i guess among all my friends, i'm the most marriage-oriented one. i dunno why i'm so darn weird. haha! i certainly dun belong to this century...cos i believe ppl tend to be more career-oriented than marriage oriented. oh well. i'm always odd.

went to GWC with ah mud and mum and anan today. ate two ice creams!! mango sherbert and wild raisin...so supercalifragilisticexpealadocious! ah mud ate lime sherbert and mocha chips!! we love love ice cream! then later, we walked around...sat at like macs for 45 mins cos we were waiting for anan to finish his icecream. did a bio paper while waiting. ah mud was doing math, then later she digressed and we looked at the MCQ questions of the bio paper together. haha. then we went shopping at cold storage...laughed a lot...at smth i cant recall now. but i rmb we laughed at cheese and some other food. haha.

haix. houbehbeh is leaving soon. i think i'll reallie miss him. he'll be the first male teacher i ever will miss. he's reallie nice. and reallie good. just that he used all his knowledge in the wrong place at the wrong times. he's very philosophical, because he studied history in the U. he wasnt meant to be a chinese teacher. but because he came to singapore, and singapore didn teach history in chinese, he had no choice but to be a chinese teacher, which i must admit he wasnt very good at. but all the same, he was interesting, fun-loving, and actually had a strong sense of humour, though he was rather lame at times.

i appreciated his patience and his warmth toward us despite the fact that he was better off talking to the wall every lesson. i truly respected him, and when term 3 started, i made it a point to listen to him attentively every single chinese lesson. and i did. jlp claimed that i was his only pupil because i was the only person who actually listened attentively to everything he said. haha. and i'm reallie glad i did too. i'm reallie glad i changed my attitude early, because not only did i learn a lot of chinese culture, history and words, i also felt that i have tried as a student, to make a teacher's day. in the end, because the whole class didn listen, houbehbeh ended up actually reciting lessons and reading passages in my face, since i was the only one listening and looking at him. (i just have a tendency to look ppl in the eye when i talk to them or when they talk to me) i'm glad that i paid attention, or else i would regret horribly now.

heh i'm flitting from one topic to another. like SNAP.

i devised a new way of laughing! it goes like, "neep neep neep!" for those of u who are familiar with the animorphs, u'll probably noe this sound. its the victorious shout of the helmacrons. haha. cos my brother AND sister loves animorphs(after i intro-ed the book to them. one is 10 and one is 12. gosh. shows how little they actually read...) then i was wondering why they were so crazy over it...so i read one of the newer books...and there were the helmacrons! i loved their "neep neep neep" so much i used it on my friends. haha. jlp and hj were so irritated or tickled by it, they punished me by forcing me to go "neep neep neep" whenever i wanted to laugh instead of laughing normally. poor me!:(

okay, bye!

2006-09-08T20:14:00.000+08:00

i have a feeling this will be a very short post...

ah. i love fridays.

at least, i love most fridays. except fridays at the end of a long break which marks the beginning of a new school term. like this week. i loved last friday because it marked the start of the sep hols. i hate today because it means next monday i have to go to sch. boo.

ooh. talking abt september, its a rather popular month for babies to be born. i can just tick a dozen names off my fingers.

jerry my areamate
wanzhen my cousin
huijun the snail
mr roald dahl the famous writer
shihui my ex tuition friend
gen the monkey

our own MM mr lee kuan yew

tingyu my class monitress

jolene kiew the elephant
litian the sheep
shermaine my classmate
steven han my pri sch friend
wanlin, wanzhen's sister who is also my cousin

there, what did i tell u? a dozen plus 1. heh and the birthdays of these ppl are in chronological order some more.

yay...snail's birthday is coming!! this sun! then the next day is chinese prelims-_- oh boo hoo. haiyah. there's no way to study for chinese prelims! and i dun even noe whether its considered as our EOY. and my chinese is not all that good...normally when i pass my zuowens its just luck. when i get reallie high marks its kudos to my splendid crapping skills. my mum was complaining the other day that teachers should mark compos based on language, like how well u utilise ur chinese chengyus and all. i'm SO THANKFUL that houbehbeh doesnt mark that way...or else i'll nvr pass a zuowen again. well obviously my mum hasnt read any of my compos. either that, or she bears some grudge against me and wants me to fail... nah. that's highly impossible. *dismisses the thought*

these few days i've been so so bored. doing math everyday like its no one's business (actually, come to think of it, it IS no one's business...) but i dun like math! i dread dread tmr. cos i'll be doing trigo. and....my trigo isnt very good. no, scrape that. i suck at trigo. u noe, like trigo's supposed to be so practical and so useful in our daily lives...and i suck at it. as expected like always, i ace math topics that are totally useless to me in life...matrices, binomial theorem and one or two more. like what can i do with these topics? its not as if i turn everything i see into a matrix and calculate, for example, how much money it costs to produce all the bread in my fav bakery. like who cares? i definitely dun. just as long as my fav bakery is making money and they serve me quality food which settles well in my stomach...who cares how much they spend to make the bread? and binomial theorem...unless i take math all the way and aspire to be a mathematician, i dun believe i'll see ANYTHING on binomial theorem in real life. please correct me if i'm wrong. gosh. its so like me to ace the totally wrong topics at the totally wrong time. *scoffs* maybe i should just live with it and accept it. after all, its IN me and it probably is going to be with me forever.

hmm. see, it IS a very short post. i shall go be a psychic. earn big bucks.

2006-09-01T22:10:00.000+08:00

its been a long week.

long, dry...and simply...to put it in a nice way, lasting. which is pretty good actually. for me that is. managed to get quite a bit done. but the wait wasnt all that fun and exciting. the wait for today. the wait for the wonderful commencement of a long awaited 1 week break. the wait for the opportunity to sleep and sleep and not get up. until i feel like it, that is.

i've been feeling lame and tired all week. literally lame, both in the mental and physical sense, because my mum just rolled a 10kg trolley over my toe ytd while we were at the supermart. somehow the powerful wheels of the trolley scraped a chunk out of my toe. so now i'm lame. kinda. the wound refuses to close...and i have already planted my 6th plaster on it. disgusting. shall take more vit. C and vit E. vit C supposed to help repair epithelial tissues and vit E is simply good for ur skin. wahaha. i rmb the other time i had a wound that refused to close, i brought an orange for recess. cos i dun reallie have much of an intake or vitamins. unless its naturally made in my skin by the action of the sun, like vit D. then i dun have to specially take any supplement pills/eat any stuff like fruit which i normally am too lazy to cut/cant find in the house/dun like at all to get the vitamins i need.

haix. i was totally crazy and baichi this entire week. haha. found a new interest though. i discovered jlp's raw spot and have decided to find chances to step on it! heh heh. i discovered she's afraid of my "beautiful" faces which i make all the time. it was an accidental discovery, reallie. she just happened to look over at me and smile and i just happened to display one of my trademark rabbit-faces. (not the moustache one). then she immediately reeled back and used both hands to cover her face which was, unfortunately, distorted into a horrified look as a result of looking at my rabbit-face straight in the eye. man, wasnt i insulted! that happened to be one of my "prettiest" faces! hahaha. everyone's okay with my gui3 lian3s. hj's totally immune to it, unless i pull a new one. yz still laughs when she thinks i look stupid. which is most of the time(oh she always laughs. all the time. its her forte. cool eh?) talking abt yz, man, she's the most "young/kiddy/childish/(insert ur own adjective here)" person ever. hahaha.

i read in RD...some psychologist said that adults tend to be more jaded than kids, (like duh. who doesnt noe that? man. even i can become a psychologist. quote me!) and he also cited examples, like when ppl stub their toe against some wall or smth, kids tend to laugh but adults (when he said adults i presumed he meant ppl who dong3 shi4 already. in this case, teens too. like teens my age or above) dun laugh. well apparently, yz is the kind, as mentioned above, who laughs at everything. if someone stubs their toe, she'll be the first to burst out into loud gaffauws and nudge me to get me to look at the poor, embarrassed man. lol dun kill me yz. (: but well okay. i laugh too. haha. normally we will laugh at the same stuff. but u see i cant keep talking abt myself all the time so i gotta rope in ppl to talk abt. =P yar then that time...a few years back perhaps? we were on the bus on the way home. an old man was sitting in front of us. so we were watching like tv mobile or smth. or maybe talking and laughing. i dunno, our lives are so mundane that the stuff we do to keep ourselves entertained just revolve around these boring activities. then yar. suddenly the old man turned around. and we both burst out laughing at the same time. hahaha. cos the man had on reallie thick glasses. u noe, he looked kinda like miao4 miao4 bo2 shi4 from "shi2 wan4 ge4 wei4 shen3 me4", or "100 000 whys" if u want it loosely translated. yar so he looked like the tortoise professor, except very much older and that his eyes cant even be seen behind his thick glasses. and if that wasnt enough, he had to smile at us, revealing all his teeth. so it was kind of like A HUGE GRIN. which was apparently, very funny to us. haha. yea. so now everyone noes what kind of crazy life we live. we have to laugh everyday. ytd and today we were laughing at a librarian. laughed until she placed the sign "will be back" on her desk and nvr came back after that. haha. dunno whether she resigned or quit or simply left because her shift was over.

haha. we are crazy ppl. laughish, if there is such a word. ticked/ticklish is simply not enough to describe our appetite for laughter.

yea. more crazy stories. that day hj and i were picnic-ing on the walkway between the canteen and the science block, as usual. then that was when we met a mei2 you3 gong1 de2 xin1 de4 ma2 yi3. or in other words, an inconsiderate ant. it was a huge huge ant. then hj and i were trying to avoid it because we simply dun like ants. esp huge ones with their ugly pincers in full view. EEW. anyway. shall not reveal the details of our exciting encounter because its so embarrassing. basically in short, the stupid ant made a mess and left without cleaning up. i had to clean up after IT. grah. i hate inconsiderate ants. (hj i see u doubling up with laughter as u recall the events of that day and my silly antics=) )

heh. wow this is a long post.

yup u got it. i love one-liner endings.

short, abrupt, sweet.

tata ppl

2006-08-25T22:15:00.000+08:00

its been...ONE WEEK

again.

now i have a lot to blog abt....

this week so many things happened. first, on monday, kaka called. apparently she was abused by her new asshole employers (damn u all!) from another country. i personally feel very strongly about this because she was very dear to me. being only 4 years older than i am, we definitely shared a lot in common, from her worries to my secrets. sometimes, she would even consult me on health matters, (apparently her bf had some liver problem), so u can see how close we were. the fact that somebody with a pea brain out there dared to actually lay a finger on her makes my blood boil. how dare she?! kaka left her hometown at such a tender age to come out to make a living. being all alone in a foreign country is definitely not easy to adapt to. at all. instead of complaining she didn do things fast enough and hitting her, maybe u should view things from another perspective, u piece of filth. she may be clumsy, but she's young. and she's new to your country. give her time to learn. give her time to settle in. DO NOT shout orders at her like that! DO NOT hit her! u idiot. U ARE A MOTHER URSELF. how would u like it if i shouted at ur son if he comes to work here? how would u like it if i abused ur son? just like u abused my kaka? u think maids have no parents? u think they are servants? u think they just pop up from nowhere to serve u? WELL U ARE WRONG, i can tell u. if u reallie think this way, ure the most UNEDUCATED piece of shit i ever met. URE SOCIETY'S DREG. URE REN2 ZHA1, u understand that? huh? sure, u may argue that u "live in a fast paced society and ppl cannot afford to be slow" BUT SURELY THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS? ppl like U URSELF who cant even get such a simple point. and what kind of example are u setting for ur DEAR BELOVED SON? huh? "to abuse when ppl are too slow is morally correct" is that what u want to preach? wait till ure OLD AND MOULDY. wait till u turn slow. and see how u like it when ur son abuses u back.

my mum said u'll call soon. i'm waiting for that day. u sucker.

anyway. that was the message for the abusive employer in a certain place, where even police dun give a damn whether maids are abused or not. now i have a message for RACISTS.

THE WORLD SHOULD BE HARMONIOUS. and dun u dare to spoil it. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A MORE SUPERIOR RACE, get that into ur ULTRA-DENSE head. every race is the same. every race should be treated EQUALLY WITH LOVE AND CARE. dun think ure superior cos u arent. NOBODY DISCRIMINATES AGAINST PPL. its just NOT RIGHT. i noe many ppl are doing it, but its morally wrong. u want to discriminate? the only ppl i will ever discriminate against is PPL WHO DISCRIMINATE OTHERS THEMSELVES, for only those who discriminate deserve to be discriminated against.

ALL OF U PPL OUT THERE WHO DISCRIMINATE OTHERS OPENLY DESERVE TO DIE.

GRAH.

dunno why i'm so angsty today. but i'm just feeling cynical and HAVE TO SPEAK MY MIND.

my grandma went missing on wednesday. she was going home from the market...and just disappeared. the odd part was, she goes to the market very very frequently, like 3 times a week. she was like missing for 6 hours before we called the cops. they came and took our statement and promised ot help us search. finally, my grandma was found (here's the weird part) loitering at the edge of a CANAL. and the canal was in punggol...and i live on the other end of singapore. i dunno how she got there...(she's in the hospital now btw) she claimed that she took two taxis...which made her end up there. but i'm glad she's safe now...which is the most impt thing(:

isnt it a weird (i cant say wacky) world out there?

2006-08-18T21:15:00.000+08:00

DUN CUT UR HAIR THIS MONTH

yea. that's the best advice

hmm. this week was...good?

had holiday in the middle of the week... took the chance to go out with my mum! haha. its not an everyday thing.

aiyah. nothing to blog again. nothing interesting ever happens...

haix. the funny things in my life...are things we make up=p

like that day we were laughing at some poor guy...then we were laughing abt mcpeanuts.

yar. end of my boring life

2006-08-11T20:37:00.000+08:00

aiyah how. i'm feeling stonish now. not a good time to blog but...

its friday again. this has gotta be my favourite working week of the year....

monday sch
tuesday half day
wednesday and thursday holiday
friday sch, which ends at 1.30pm
sat and sun holiday again.

WOW.

if only everyweek was like this! heh heh! ^^

today was so slack...but lessons seemed to drag on forever and ever....i think my fav lessons were pccg and chem. pccg...even though it seemed like 2 and a half hours instead of 45 minutes, it wasnt that a torture...because we managed to dig mrs see's love life out of her! ...wah. so romantic. nvr reallie imagined it. she actually got married when she was 25!!! like that's my dream age to get married by? gosh.

chem was rather fun. the quiz wasnt that bad...but it wasnt MCQ!! haix. cheated my feelings.

oh oh oh. rmbed some interesting conver between me, jlp and hj. went smth like this: (oh the topic is abt jlp wanting to cut her already-very-short-like-hay bale of hair again)

jlp: i WANT TO cut my hair...

hj: dun cut already lah! its so short already

me: yar lor yar lor.

jlp: short? but its very long! (she drags the word "long" and tugs at her bale of hair. i shall use bale because her hair looks like hay. heex=P)

me: go shave ur hair lah

hj: yar. can do it for cancer awareness. it will be good

me: yup

jlp: you think i dun want meh? if i reallie shave all my hair off, my mother will flip over and die! (she said it in such a nonchalant manner that actually set me off...)

(this was when i started laughing uncontrollably and jlp and hj were giving each other the "knew-it-was-coming" look. it was only i repeated jlp's last sentence then they started laughing also)

wahaha.

oh...and i have new names! some brainwave that struck me last weekend helped generate new names for some sqdmates. sorrie lar. need more time to generate more funny names for the rest. wahaha.

susan snail
rock rabbit (yz said rock is a nice name cos it makes me sound cool)
priscilla pig
marcaroni mudskipper (she refused to have michelle mudskipper or marilyn mudskipper. i thought marilyn mudskipper is good cos it would make her sound like the next generation of marilyn monroe)
susie sheep
penelope penguin
dorothy dog

2006-08-04T22:25:00.000+08:00

its friday again...

such a dry dry week. though a bit packed...got bio and phy tests. then chem spa which i didn noe of until the day itself, which is today. but quite okay lar. relatively simple...heh just calculate.

went to watch wenyi's performance today...though technically not true, cos i didn actually get to see the performance. was so darn tired that i had to leave halfway through the thing. wenyi's performance was second last item...=( sorrie darling! it was actually some band comp at bishan. the filler music was very loud and irritating. and the emcee too...shouting away into the microphone...nearly burst my eardrums. haix

okay. yea that's abt all.. realised i'm blogging less and less.

BUT GOT MORE THINGS TO DO MAH..

lala.

2006-07-28T22:23:00.000+08:00

oh god

i'm so sorrie.

i feel like i have betrayed u....i'm so sorrie.

though u may nvr noe i am writing to u,

though u may nvr noe what happened, and i am not abt to tell u,

but i want u to noe, that i have done smth wrong...

and i feel it in my heart.

it hurts.

i want u to noe i am sorrie for doing this...maybe i shouldn even have thought abt it...

but when she pleaded, i just relented.

please, dun bear a grudge. though it was not a technical betrayal, but i hurt myself in my heart.

please please forgive me?

2006-07-28T20:43:00.000+08:00

the week has crawled past.

literally.

gosh i dunno how long i have waited for for this day. and not as if i am looking forward to it. cos tmr still need to wake up early. gonna be tour guide=P

i had a horrible haircut in the week....now i look primary 1. how bad can that be, when i'm sec 4 now? hmm...ask the auntie to layer my hair....in the end she just anyhow snip. and now i look kiddish. grah.

today yijing asked me why i was in such a bad mood the whole week. i was rather surprised cos i didn realised i had a bad temper throughout the week. i just thought i was perhaps more silent than usual. and i definitely slept more...esp during astronomy classes, where the teacher just blabbered on and on, absorbed in his own little world. totally oblivious to the 10 out of 20 ppl who had placed their heads on the table and drifted off to jian4 zhou1 gong1. needless to say, the class was amazingly quiet and serene. hardly a shuffle anywhere when the teacher was talking.

exploring racism through movies was fun though. i reallie learnt a lot. and i saw a lot too. its one of the best sabbaticals i ever attended. =) thank u ms deena.

yar okay...i'm feeling temperamental again. shall skip off to do smth else. and maybe i will come back and blog another post before i zip off to bed. needa wake up at 7.30 tmr. *grumbles*

2006-07-21T20:12:00.000+08:00

this week has been rather dry.

no.

totally dry.

there isnt a bit of excitement....and i havent been online ALL week. finally....today! *looks up at the sky....dramatising effect comes in. all the beautiful lights around...* ahh whatever...hahaha. laming around now.

hmm...actually nothing much to say. okay. maybe a few. but before that....there's smth i need to get out of my mind. very random i noe. its smth only certain ppl will noe abt and understand what i am writing...its going to sound like code to everyone else.

actually, i feel that it is impt...i mean, if u cant keep it, this promise, why did u even do it in the first place? its so wrong....and it hurts everyone. please dun repeat that mistake again. besides, dun u feel anything at all? i mean, all these that happens, i dun see u having any response of any sort! are u totally devoid of feelings altogether? maybe its the education system here that's moulding weirdos....madly odd, unfeeling freaks. that was what shocked me most, u noe....that u didn feel ANYTHING at all... i mean. all that u have done i can understand, i noe, and i see why u do what u have done. but at least FEEL?! i mean, its reallie too mean.. this....its reallie too far. u seriously have stretched ur limits. i seriously pray and hope that u will sober up a bit...and perhaps make ammendments although its a teeny weeny bit too late.

then u. what's ur problem? i seriously dun get it....how can this happen? how can u do this?! that poor poor thing. ure the one i dun understand here! and i have a feeling i dun want to understand....its a bit too complicated for me. this is getting way too absurd!

okay. enough of the randomisation.

went out with my mum today...hahaha. the moment she knew i finished sch at 1.30, she decided she wanted to take me out, since my siblings will all be at sch still and i'll be alone with her even if i dun go out. yea...went plaza sing. had a very nice lunch...then went to get the stuff my mum needed to get. then walked ard....went home...went to get my brother and yar...

but was still too full from lunch to eat dinner=X ate quite little.

haix...week 6 only left with physics and bio test...PHYSICS...gosh. my worst worst subject. but now radioactivity not too bad. i just hate circuits. its not the calculations that kill u, (i mean, its just formula right??) its the EXPLANATIONS that reallie truly get on ur nerves. every word is so darn impt! one word lacking, whole question wrong. and my english is not exactly tremendously powerful....and i dun read teachers' minds. so HOW IN THE WORLD WILL I NOE WHAT WORD U ARE LOOKING FOR?!

gah. chem and bio are so much easier....

hmmm....gotta read more to brush up my language. both are dropping in standard!! i was horribly shocked to realise that. shall borrow more books to read.... as for chinese books...(which i borrow once in a heart-shaped purple moon) which means, literally, NEVER, i can always start with the book my dad has left for me on the table before he left for china.....TOTOCHAN IN CHINESE. chuang bian de xiao nu hai. like, WOW. hopefully that wun pose as much of a problem for me! wahaha. since the only chinese i read is chinese newspaper...and its not even daily. but i like 2359 and simianbafang....so i always read them. carn blame me...after all i'm not even chinese. i'm a chinses. wahaha.

lame.

=P

2006-07-14T22:06:00.000+08:00

woo

we passed out today

as they say, all good things must come to an end....but sometimes, when they end, it makes u glad too...

lots of conflicting emotions...wanted to laugh, but wanted to cry too. in the end ended up laughing the whole day. haha

i'm happy we passed out, for two reasons.

1) we nvr have to see/deal with that unreasonable, uncivilised, assholic goat with the transplanted hair again. (oh gosh, he should nvr have transplanted his hair...his confidence like GREW with every strand of hair emerging from his pathetic scalp.) he's the most disgusting creature i have ever met. not only is he dumb and idiotic, who gives the most ridiculous reasons and excuses to escape from things we want, and later, to escape even from US, he's also VERY COWARDLY. he's real scared of us....always find ways to avoid us. then today, he didn even come. scared to see us. he's probably scared that we will spit on his face. scared that we will expose his true "light bulb" self in front of everyone. he's the one who destroyed our ncolife for us, cause us utmost pain and misery. idiot. or perhaps we had underestimated him all along. whatever it is, msg to u ppl out there: small ppl can be deadly. always be on ur guard...

2)well, np did take up a lot of my study time, play time, sleep time etc etc. finally we jie3tuo1 already...i finally got my old life back, my pre-NP life, which i missed very very much. now i can continue to chase my dreams, towards greater horizons...haix. feel reallie happy lor(:

but feel sad also lah. i mean, i was thinking abt it today...then its like, 3 and a half years just passed like that...although xinku, it was all very fun. and i reallie grew up a lot in NP...all the times spent together...all the zi high times...then our last year in NP room. i was looking at all my NP clothes. quartslacks, unit tee, full u...how i would nvr ever wear them again, how i would nvr touch them again. my boots...i'll nvr get to polish them again. my badges...polish for no one to see. haix. everything is gone...forever. and we will nvr get it back. ):

but still, que sera sera. what will be will be. its already happened...so all that we can do now is make the best of it. passing out is good la. its a brand new life for all of us. lets live it well.

gosh. scrolling back up i feel so guilty. wahahaha. spent most of this post cursing that uncivilised goat. oh well. its quite rare to come across uncivilised individuals in this fast paced, cultured society we live in. so any uncivilised individual must be a nie4 zhong3 and is definitely worth the hot discussion.

2006-07-07T20:43:00.000+08:00

first, it was last act....then today it was last dalt...

two more NP days, and it will be POP.

POP.

this word seems almost impossible. i rmb when we were very young very young, POP seemed so darn far away. it seemed almost impossible to come...but now, it is here. in just a flash, 3 years flew past, mercilessly taking everything we had with them, leaving behind only scads of memories.

definitely, the thought of POP does bring conflicting emotions.

today we cleaned up NP room. i nvr felt so much nostalgia, as i saw my long lost brushes, paints, palattes, colouring materials, notebooks, etc etc. it brought back so much memories; too much memories, in fact, for me to contain. just right there and then, i felt a wave of tears. i dunno what these tears mean, which part in this huge sea of complicated emotions it came from. i just noe i wanted to cry.

packing up NP room means to me, the end of a reign, yet the start, (hopefully) of a brand new era. perhaps there might be improvements, perhaps inopportune issues. that we do not noe. of course we all hope for the best, but we should all be prepared for calamities as well.

anyway, today we did have fun packing up NP room(: everything was taken out of the cupboards and we did a thorough spring cleaning...wiped the cupboards and all. by the time we were done, np room was many shades brighter, sweeter-smelling and sparkling clean. it gave this beautiful halcyon, idyillic feeling. makes u feel so happy just standing inside it. i rmb jlk kept exclaiming, "np room is so clean now!" haha. indeed we all share the same sentiments.

i dunno why i sound like i'm writing an essay...but oh well.

today was last dalt. nothing special. just practice with 39 the shi...then went on to recrea. haha. mostly they self entertained. then 39 ncos just stoned. i went to look after casualties...so perhaps they might have done other stuff. haha. then later, i came back...just nice 39 was falling in, then we got them to sit down and have sqd talk. quite a funny talk, lots of singing, but the atmosphere was rather lively and light. doesnt seem at all like last dalt. but i suppose last dalt wun be as "pressurising" as last act? so yar. later took a lot of pics, pose until nearly cramp...(12 muscles to smile leh!) then later, as usual, pack up and went home, not without hearing jlk exclaim first that NP room is spanking clean again. hahaha.

hmm...

2006-07-04T22:19:00.000+08:00

haix'

act today was boring. supposed to have POP rehearsal...then some ppl had NCO interview....then no rehearsal. then ended up teaching/supervising flag for 39 flag party. in the end spent nearly the whole 3 hours walking and slacking...

lessons were funny though!!

we didn buy chinese textbook again...hahaha. so we read the stories that houbehbeh printed for us....very nice stories. there's one abt lesbians. quite erxin. its like she's married already lor...and she's having an affair with another GIRL...

then during physics we learnt radioctivity! omg its so interesting (no sarcasm intended). its reallie fun lar...all the alpha/beta particles...gamma rays. wow. maybe i shall go become a radiologist. heh. then its like if my patients take xray next time, i shall abandon them too! haha. but being a radiologist easy to get cancer...so boo=XXX

or maybe i shall be a dermatologist. like the one in the story mrs soh told us today...haha. then can earn lots of money injecting botox for ppl. and plastic surgery. nowadays ppl are so fake that it doesnt matter if they have plastic surgery. after all, with plastic surgery better, want to be fake, be fake all the way through. dun just stop halfway. heh heh heh. aye. the world is so interesting.

mrs soh told us a lot of exciting stories today....abt bgr...and stories abt herself. very funny. but i shant repeat them here...cos its her privacy mah. haha. cos it was the 1-1.30 slot...then all the performing arts ppl have gone for rehearsals...so its like very little ppl in the class. then mrs soh cant conduct lessons, so we ended up having story-telling session, which i think is what language lessons should be abt--communication.

and btw, here's a note to 403 ppl who were in class today during the 1-1.30 slot.

no offence intended, no hurt intended, no bad blood, ya?

abt the rumours going ard....please, its not him. dun ask me how i noe, cos i have my own sources. it isnt him. trust me. furthermore, he's my friend. so please, dun start rumours unless u noe they are absolutely true, ya? gave me a horrible shock today when i heard it...

thanks for ur understanding, if u happen to read this, 403.

2006-07-01T21:59:00.000+08:00

its been an eventful month.

i dunno where to start.

lets see. my beloved ah fat died. it was a painful death for both me and it. we all thought it was hibernating. but in the end, well. it just happened. cried my heart out for it. i'll nvr forget it. just like i nvr forgot my darling hamster and its 8 offspring, the two snails slimy and slimier, caterpee the caterpillar, my two darling rabbits, and all the little animals which lived in my house in some way or another. i was nvr able to get over death. not that i actually witnessed many, (touch wood). when i was 5 my paternal grandpa died. i guess i was too little? to noe what was going on. i noe he died. i noe there was a funeral. i saw him being cremated. but somehow, i just didn understand all of it. i felt sad when i saw my family crying, but i didn noe why. i didn exactly feel much about it.

when i witnessed my second death, i was 10. it was the death of my darling hamster. she was brutally murdered by one of the albino hamsters, which happened to be her OWN OFFSPRING. her face was cruelly scratched; bloody and all. i screamed when i saw her...i just couldn believe it. then i cried all the way down to the little garden in front of the house where we buried the hamster. i was old enough to understand death. i was old enough to feel the dark emotions it brought. and i didn like it. within the tears of sadness that were filling me, there were parts of anger too. strong, boiling anger. i couldn help but ask myself, why did it have to die? why couldn it live? why did its own daughter kill it? how could she do that? these questions were swarming in my mind....as if both my ears were blocked and they couldn get out. they couldn help but swim around, engulfing my mind with it.

6 years later, i still didn understand why things had to die. when i first heard that ah fat might die, because it wasnt moving and all, i cried...and cried. i kept asking my mum why did it have to die, why couldn it live. i was even muttering that i didn want it to die. i repeated these questions to whoever was unfortunate enough to talk to me. my mum kinda felt instantly sorrie that she even brought up the topic of death, and told me to check the net instead, lest this is the natural behaviour of frogs at a certain time frame in their lives, (u noe, like moulting, hibernating, etc etc). finally, i found the ultimate solution: it was hibernating. the burden of death instantly lifted off my shoulders, and i couldn help but heave a huge, huge sigh of relief. i started telling everyone abt how my frog was hibernating...in singapore even. i was elated that it was going to live after all, and i said that i would give anything, anything at all, for the frog to live. however, happiness did not last. in less than 2 weeks it was dead. it was so sudden, and no one, esp not me, was prepared for its death. it just stopped breathing. i cried myself to sleep when i discovered that it was dead. it was just too impossible to believe. we buried it the next day, praying that it would find peace. soon after, i released my other frog, ah thin. i just didn want it to die in my hands too. it has to live. it has a right to. so i shant keep it captive. haix. dunno where is it now...hope that it is safe, alive and happy.

oh well. gtg. shall blog some other time.

2006-05-29T19:48:00.000+08:00

i just need to rant, okay?

life sucks

life sucks

life sucks

i hate my life currently. i want out. i want to choose my own path. i dun want to be controlled! i want things to go the way we want it once in a while. i'm not being selfish because i am not asking for too much. i do not want to do stupid portfolio. this stupid piece of boliao irritating assignment is plaguing me day and night. i'm actually WORRIED for it. oh GOD. what's wrong with me. i just want to get this stupid piece of assignment off my pathetically tortured mind. as if its not corrupted enough. my heart and my mind are sobbing inside me. i cant wait for freedom.

FREEDOM. when have i last heard that word? when have i last experienced it?

its been so damned long ago i dun even rmb anymore.

GRAH. whatever.

2006-05-26T11:34:00.000+08:00

and again its been a thousand years since i blogged.

my blog is pretty much dead and dying...

i have sore eyes again haha. second attack. dunno why so many cases of sore eyes this year. i guess i didn reallie care for it properly. i mean, lets admit it. who likes the taste of eyedrops. yuck so bitter. =X

its portfolio blues again. i hate portfolio. doesn make much sense right. i mean, write and edit and rewrite and edit....its so dumb! its not as if u write without thinking. every piece of work that gets printed out goes through at least 3 rounds of editing on the way. so whats the use of editing so much if ur first draft is supposedly ur best draft since u put in so much effort into it? i HATE portfolio. waste of time and effort. grah.

this week at school was pretty fun. envi science. each grp got two frogs to take care of. haha was in a grp with pz, wq, ju and hj. PWMJH!! then we named our frogs ah fat and ah thin. reallie cute. i'll take them home tmr when i go to sch with my mum to get report book. yayness. i love frogs. =D

i love envi science too. maybe i'll go into this when i grow older. so much more simple to understand than normal lessons. dunno why. maybe its interesting so it gets my brain working and all. what i pity i missed today's session. concluding lessons....will get to look at the bacteria in the water we purified yesterday (we reallie did! it was so fun. and we were NOT working with big machines and all) and we will see if there was any oil eating bacteria in the soil sample we collected. ah i love bacteria. =)

i actually prepared my SRQ tt and my freepick 3....let classmates edit. but today not going to sch...so nvm lor. shall sabo ppl online to edit then=D

aye sqdmates having dalt now. if i were there i'll be like playing the gu again. hmmm....wonder how's everything.

oh yar gotta thank HUIJUN THE SNAIL=D for helping me!!! thanks thanks love. sorrie to burden u with all my barang and mafanism. love ya!

okay. 10 minutes up. back to work. back to portfolio. got stuff to do. BOO.

2006-05-05T19:39:00.000+08:00

its been YEARS

LIGHT years

ah well. all the tests are over!! dunno why but it seems to me that we are particularly slack for sec 4s. i mean, we should be working our heads off, but the way i look at us, we seem so lazy and relaxed, like nothing big is ever going to happen. well ya, for us, maybe, but we still do have our EOYS...gotta work hard and STRIVE. grawowowh.

hmmmm. lets start from where i should have started when i ended off. SATURDAY. man, that's like 6 days back. actually i did blog abt that....on saturday night, but i wasnt able to complete the post and i saved it as a draft. then........dunno what happened to it. AH WELL. blog again lor. anyway its all good memories. haha. on saturday we had UNIT DINNER. it was such an exciting dinner. the food was reallie good, much much better than last time. nothing much to say abt it, just that we ate a lot a lot. hahaha

my father left for hanoi ytd. like suddenly. on another business trip...then this morning my nai nai left for china too. holiday. so the house rather empty now. not that my father is always there, but grandma is. she's always my constant companion when i watch tv or when moose and the rest arent around. i spend much of my time with her. so i'll like stuff her with popcorn or chocolate or whatever afternoon snack i'm having. so she gets a lot of exposure to modern food of the teens. yay.=P

now i have a NEW PET

ALERTS ALERTS NEW PET!!!

this time its........PRAWNS!!!!
one's called murderer, one's called accomplice. cos they ate a frog and now they are being put on trial for the death row. they are surviving happily in the tank. actually i'm rather happy to see them alive. i mean, after having mealworms who ESCAPED, snails which got jet-sprayed off the corridor, grasshoppers who just died in the container, and caterpillars which cheat on ur feelings, its finally a PLEASURE to see things that are happy, surviving, and cant run fast enough to escape.

AH I LOVE PRAWNS=)

k i just realised this post is so so so so short...but who cares. heck la

2006-04-22T19:06:00.000+08:00

my i'm blogging a lot these two days

today my father left for china for the dunno-what(h)-time. but this is the first time which i actually hugged him to say goodbye, cos i left home at 9 to go to the science centre and he would be leaving at 10. dunno why. just had this instinct to hug my father. we have nvr been close. since i was 3 i nvr touched him again. so its been like 13 years which i didn contact(physically and mentally) my father at all. felt real nice after i hugged my father.=)

science centre was in a state of mess. it was like, there was this huge sign that said, "this way to science centre main entrance" and in front of u is a huge mess of rubble, wooden boards and very dusty air. lots of construction going on. so the 4 of us, the snail, the emu, the penguin and of course me the rabbit stepped gingerly across the open-air carpark, and navigated our way to the main entrance, which was pretty invisible, hidden behind all that dusty air polluting the grounds of science centre (okay okay i'm exerggerating! can feel the mr-i-want-to-strangle-u glare from penguin, fellow high-er, hot lover of singapore, every crook and cranny of it, future minister of environment, future pioneer of some conservatory of energy for singapore=); the "errrrrrrrrr" look from emu, fellow slacker and shoulder partner, future miss practical 2008=); last but not least, the shock look from snail who, as usual, a bit blur in such situations, but nevertheless fellow lamer and my secret date on may occasions)

had a lot of fun in science centre before the talk. read/watched some sad videos on downs syndrome, breast cancer and muscular dystrophy...felt reallie sad for these people. =(
sometimes life just isnt very fair...

then we had the talk. forgive me but i got kinda lost in the talk. at first the lecturer went page by page...then suddenly, i dunno maybe due to time constraints or smth, he started skipping pages! so he would like, "okay i shall skip these" then his fast fingers go "clickclickclickclickclickclickclick...." then u can hear very loud paper shuffling sounds as the entire hall starts flipping the notes frantically, trying to catch up... i left the lecture theatre feeling confused, lost and very gong. and very hungry!

then here is the interesting part. emu and penguin had to call their mum to see if they needed to be home for lunch. so snail and i occupied ourselves in the sound exhibition...very fun. click and hear the sounds in diff places. we went out after a while to see what is the poons' decision. we got a shock cos they disappeared! like, poof? we went around looking for them, but they were nowhere to be found...xiao1 shi1 de2 wu2 ying3 wu2 zong1!! snail was calling them...but no response.

where were u two?!?!

so in the end we gave up, and we started walking ard by ourselves. we were on an unexpected secret date again! =D

we came to the chem gallery, after walking around numerous exhibitions. apparently i think it was still under construction, cos it was pretty small, and some exhibits were banned from visitors. most exhibits were very cool. there was this fractional distillation column distillating water from ethanol/alcohol. very interesting, huge fractionating column, but there wasnt much action going on there. so we left after stoning for like 5 seconds. then there's the exhibit which we got so engrossed with...the "freeze shadow" one. its the reaction between zinc sulphide and light which gives u the frozen shadow, cos that's the part where u cover. zinc sulphide is a phosphorescent, otherwise known as glow-in-the-dark material. so while the part covered had a frozen shadow, the rest of the screen had a nice green glow. haha very fun!! snail and i spent like 5 minutes posing away in front of the light and watch our shadow freeze. the light's very blinding though. advisable to close ur eyes. =)

the other thing we fell in love with was the ecogarden. the chicks were so cute! there were 4 of them, and a number of unhatched ones. the 4 were prancing abt, drinking and sleeping, lazing around in the incubator. snail and i were discussing what would happen to the chicks after they hatched. we finally decided that they would probably end up in seng choon egg farm or smth, laying eggs for the community.

there was also this TV thingy, which u can like see urself on screen. it was so exciting! snail and i were turning the camera, seeing ourselves on screen and laughing away. then i typed "lee huijun is a snail" into my phone and put it chao near to the camera. then the entire world at science centre could see! haha snail was frantically trying to cover all the tv screens to hide the truth. heh heh heh. okay i noe i'm mean!!=P

SCIENCE CENTRE IS FUN. WE LOVE SCIENCE CENTRE!=))
k that was a LAME ending...

2006-04-21T22:40:00.000+08:00

OKAY!

this post is specially dedicated to LEE HUIJUN! *huge cheshire grin*

TODAY, bingyu and lihui were absent, then i dunno who, someone, (was it carin?) had a brainwave. we could switch seats so i could sit with Hj and carin could sit with xinying. so of course we were agreeable. and we switched seats!

then it was math. mrs see didn notice anything abt our seating arrangements...maybe she was nice and didn bother telling us to go back. she gave us examples to do. hj and i finished. then i got bored so i took hj's stapler and pretended it was a castanet. so i went *tak tak tak tak tak, tak tak!* then i started making a poem abt Hj. then she got into the game, she grabbed the stapler away from me and started to *tak tak tak tak tak, tak tak!* as well. then she was trying to take revenge, so she tried to make up a poem abt me, so she went "lmr ah lmr..." before she could even finish, mrs see appeared at her table!! it was so funny!! there she was tak taking away and mrs see was just right beside her. i bet she heard!!! Hj was trying to deny that mrs see heard, and she started bringing up the past, like the time i did majulah singapura at her house and her mom saw me in action. but mrs see saw her in action too!!! bwahahaha

yay! tmr i'll be seeing the snail again so i can play with her stapler. maybe this time the lecturer might notice and laugh loudly when she does it=PPP

muacks love u snail!

2006-04-21T21:52:00.000+08:00

its friday again!!!!

yay
yay
yay
yay

waited very very long for this day already....guijingren!!!
tmr going science centre for SIAs
yay

this week quite eventful. and fun..

first, on sunday, my sis and i found worms in the rice. we dug it out...then we got so excited abt having worms for pets. my enthu sister went to get a container to put the cute worms, and my brother also came to see what the commotion was abt. he too got excited and helped poke the holes in the cover of the container. i put the worms in and we closed the cover. then we put the container on top of the TV so we could watch it=)

AND ALL WENT WELL UNTIL...

the next day or next next day...

*scream from the living room*
i rushed out to see, saw my brother there, and my sister's flabbergasted face
my sis: THE WORMS ARE GONE!!
(right then i noticed my sis was holding the empty container)
me: omg where are they?!
my brother: (matter-of-fact tone) they escaped
me: how?!
(sister points to large hole in the cover of the container. gives my brother the death glare)
(brother cowers under sister's menancing glare, turns to me and gives me a sheepish grin)
me: (shows him diaow face) what a pig. poke such a big hole for wat?!
sis: yar lor!
me: (sudden realisesation) oh my! does it mean the worms are on the loose now?!
sis: (darkly) of course. and the worse thing is, u nvr noe where they will crawl to.

well, my sister bets they are fried in the TV or smth. cos after all we put the container on top of the TV...

yup. so that was the VERY short narrative of my first attempt at keeping worms as pets=)

NEXT, we shall move on to my first attempt at keeping snails as pets=D

how shall i start...hmm. this is another SAD SAD STORY...

on tuesday, (i think) it rained in the evening. so when i got home after act, the damp grass was filled with snails. being a lover of snails and frogs and worms (any kind) as well as all the rodents of the animal kingdom and other animals and insects EXCEPT for cockroackes and mosquitoes and things that suck blood and... okay i'm digressing. back to topic. =)

SOOO...i got so excited (again) and i plucked one snail off the pavement because it was in my way and i didn want anyone to kill it. then, i had this brainwave-->WHY DUN I TAKE IT HOME?=))

so i held it in my hand. then kaka was exclaiming that the snail would be lonely alone, and her mind wandered off to some ahem thoughts and she told me i should take another snail then they could have snail babies...so i relented and took another. i got kaka to hold my file while i held my precious snails by the shell, one in each hand. they were so cute!! i could feel their heartbeats...it was so strong!! then when i put them near each other, they actually came out of their shell!! but i think they must both be of the same gender or smth...cos they looked at each other and they both shrank back into their shell. no chemistry at all...=(((

FFWD TO THE PART WHEN I REACH HOME

so i shouted into the house that i brought snails home...then i put them on my grandma's plants so they could feed on the leaves. initially i wanted to put them on my neighbour's plants. cos he's not a very nice person. let the snails eat all the leaves of his PRECIOUS plants up! HUMPH. but my mother dun allow. so okay lor. put on grandma's plants

THEN THE NEXT DAY

i eagerly got home to see how the snils were coping. i sensed something was wrong the moment i stepped out of the lift and the corridors were all wet. i went to the plants and......THE SNAILS WERE GONE!!!!

i was TOTALLY shocked. i started freaking out. then kaka told me the corridor-washer had been here. i bet he didn noe we had snails. i bet he was having a great time spraying at the plants. I BET HE JET-SPRAYED THE SNAILS OFF THE CORRIDOR!!!

the poor snails!!! they fell 8 storeys, if that was what happened to them.

hj if u are reading this....i'm sorrie for the death of uncle tom and auntie sally (oh sorrie, should be uncle tom and uncle sally, since they are both male...)!!! it was the fault of the corridor-washer! i still remember the night i left them...uncle tom was still eating the custard apple leaf....i just cant imagine that it would be his last....='((((

k actually i have more to blog. but i shall start a new post to prevent my readers' eyes from popping out of their sockets=)

2006-04-08T21:45:00.000+08:00

aye this week quite eventful

first there was the INCIDENT, involving a stubborn idiot and a few sensible people. so it just goes that the stubborn idiot refuses to see from the point of view of the few sensible people. yar. shall not elaborate more.

then ytd dalt was good...i did zhan jiao for the first time in my life! on......MINTING! thank u so much for letting me have this experience of a lifetime!=DDD i even sat on her shoulder! gosh she must have been tortured to have to bear my heavy mass of 46kg. haha! i was damned scared when i sat on her shoulder...at first i was screaming, then sqdmates were like "mr! mr! dun dl!!" so i stopped. then i was gekking away as i grabbed minting's wrists. then minting started bouncing up and down! then i gekked even more...its a horrible feeling trying not to scream. haha. thank u minting!!!=DDD

then last night stayed up to watch the ghost movie wishing stairs. my mum was supposed to watch with me...then she zonked off to sleep!! then i was like, "moose! ure supposed to watch with me!" then she was like, "aiyah that boring show. u watch urself la" then i was so duped. then i said, "but i scared!" then she said, "then dun watch la"

so i asked my housekeeper if she would watch with me. actually she's very scared of ghosts and the supernatural...but...."wat movie?" i said, "ghost movie. u want to watch?" her eyes lit up, then she flashed me this wide grin and said, "okay!"

then yz and another friend watched with me...haha kept sms contact throughout the movie. so fun.

and so we watched. at first we were on two opposite sides of the room. by the time the movie ended we were close together, grabbing each other, and kaka was no longer facing the TV screen. haha. we were THAT creeped. then i keep asking her whether she want to turn on the light cos we were so freaked. but she was like, "dun want! on light later the room hot" haha.

then like today needed to wake up early to go support wenshi at crescent's funfair. went with moose, jun, an. in the end moose decided to sit out. so i had to bring jun and an everywhere. so we split the tickets...and i spent the day following them around. then we had 20 tokens...and we redeemed a bear for moose!

then later went to plaza sing for lunch before going to hj's for SIA. had a crazy time at hj's house. did a court trial with TL cos he bullied hj. hahaha. from defendent to prisoner. jlp's the best la. "defendent LTL, u have been proven guilty! you will serve 40 years in prison. budden again, since its already forty years, its nearly your whole life, right? so okay. life imprisonment!" then he promoted from defendent ltl to prisoner ltl. hahaha. today i embarrassed myself again!!! was doing the usual routine with hj's curtains...then i was singing halfway when her mum stepped in! she gave me this shocked look. then i was so embarrassed! hja nd jlp and her mum started laughing at me. oh gosh dunno where to hide my face la.

went home at around 7 something...but before that, we were so bored we started recording our own singing! haha we sang REFLECTIONS. keep laughing...then we recorded twice before it sounded NOT BAD. haha.

yupyup. blog post for the week is done!

2006-04-01T22:19:00.000+08:00

wah havent blogged in a lonnnnnnnnnnng time

today supposed to do SIA. but mum dun allow. haish. i'm great lor. managed to get BOTH parents buay song with me for spending so much time on the comp doing IMPT stuff.

there's this idiotic sucker on my tagboard. tell me ur name if u have the guts, wwww. see what we'll do to u.

today went for st margs primart's campfire. my cousin's P5 this year. so went to see her during her P5 campfire. hahaha. it was reallie GOOD. they had instructors, and it was damn ZAI. gosh. it was all so high la. of course u must have spontaneous,. participating ppl who are willing to respond. otherwise, its still going to be dead. i liked the campfire so much!! i took my sis there, cos she's assistant head prefect so she gotta help out. then i sat on the benches with my aunt and uncle as a "parent". later we met my sis' teacher who THOUGHT i was my sis' mother! i was totally like, WHAT, flabbergasted. then my sister had that mouth-hanging-open look on her face, then i was like, half-smiling and saying, "uhm i'm her sister." then the teacher was so embarrassed. she was like, "OH! ure her sister! no wonder i was wondering why she had such a young mother!" hahaha. but u noe, even if she didn noe she SHOULD have guessed sister. then if it reallie is the mother, at least the mother will feel flattered, like, "oh i actually look so young!" then she can go one side and um-chio. yar. first guess you guess mother is a bit -_- cos its like calling ppl auntie. yar. sekali its the YOUNGER sister of the girl. even worse. haha like human ng that time=P she thought my younger sis was my mum! luckily my sis wasnt there. oh yar, continue. then later the teacher looked at my aunt, and she went like, "so ure her mother?" pointing at my sis. then my aunt and i looked at each other and tried to suppress our laughter. my sis was the failure. she LAUGHED OUT LOUD. then she went screaming "no no no!" gosh. *slaps forehead* for a while i wished i wasnt her sister. so of course the poor teacher was very embarrassed once more. didn noe why she was so keen on guessing ppl's mother though. if she nvr open her mouth then nothing will happen mah! haish. what a hilarious teacher.

learnt many many songs at the campfire! realised that they used quite a number of NP songs. or maybe those songs are universal and NP just used them. either way, i knew how to sing. hahaha. even their opening of the campfire was done with the welcome yell la. so similar. then dumdumdeedee can add actions! quite cute actions haha. then there's this clapping thingy. very cool. then there's this song which i like. goes like this:

the window, the window, the second storey window,
with a hip and a hop and (i cant rmb this part so i added in my own) and a half turn around
throw them out of the window!

jack and jill went up the hill
to fetch a pill of water
jack fell down and broke his crown
throw them out of the window!

the window, the window, the second storey window,
with a hip and a hop and (i cant rmb this part so i added in my own) and a half turn around
throw them out of the window!

baa baa black sheep have u any wool
yes sir yes sir three bags full
one for my master and one for my dame
throw them out of the window!

the window, the window, the second storey window,
with a hip and a hop and (i cant rmb this part so i added in my own) and a half turn around
throw them out of the window!

twinkle twinkle little star
how i wonder how u are
up above the world so high
throw them out of the window!

the window, the window, the second storey window,
with a hip and a hop and (i cant rmb this part so i added in my own) and a half turn around
throw them out of the window!

humpty dumpty sat on the wall
humpty dumpty had a great fall
all the kings horses and all the kings men
throw them out of the window!

the window, the window, the second storey window,
with a hip and a hop and (i cant rmb this part so i added in my own) and a half turn around
throw them out of the window!

mary had a little lamb
little lamb oh little lamb
mary had a little lamb
throw them out of the window!

the window, the window, the second storey window,
with a hip and a hop and (i cant rmb this part so i added in my own) and a half turn around
throw them out of the window!

hahaha! then i added in my own verse which cannot WRITE HERE. kekekeke

yupyup. end of the lame post!

2006-03-17T22:35:00.000+08:00

i have someone i will SCOLD in my blog today

whoever u are
VICTOR
u dare to blow a whatever instrument into my sister's ear?

F*CK U!

IDIOT.

SHE'S ONLY A CHILD

IF HER HEARING GETS DAMAGED ITS UR FAULT U FREAKING IDIOT!

what the hell

for those of u out there who think i'm bitching, this FILTHY IDIOT went around the classroom of the harmonica class THREATENING to blow his stupid instrument into EVERY CHILD'S ear.

and its a CCA group.

and he's some LOWLY, degree-less conductor hired by the school to conduct dunno what shit.

he's so unknown that no one noes his name when i mention it. god is the school blind or what? at least hire someone with a NAME?

the point here is, i DO NOT THINK its right to BLOW AN INSTRUMENT into a CHILD'S EAR! hello, they are young and their ears are sensitive! HOW CAN U BE SO CHILDISH?! u actually threatened to blow into EVERYONE'S EAR?! u are so DISGUSTINGLY immature! GROW UP VICTOR! u actually dared to blow it into my SISTER'S ear? freaking hell! if i could get hold of ur number i will call u up and SCREAM into ur ear YOU freaking VICTOR! and u wun want to challenge my scream. u wouldn.

i will warn u here on MY blog in front of the world

if ANYTHING happens to my sister's hearing, u are going to get it. u are going to get it REAL BAD

for now, we will just call up the principal, and get u sacked.

that's the start of all your punishments. u brought it upon urself

u better get it into ur THICK skull

idiot.

2006-03-13T14:29:00.000+08:00

gosh i havent blogged in YEARS

yay finally finished my portfolio! what an achievement.

firstly
(i noe its VERY lag but)

CONGRATULATIONS TO NYCT!!!!

WOOTS!

FIRST AND THIRD! wheee!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jiayou jiayou jiayou!!!!

KK

hmm graces camp ended like last friday? some parts were reallie good, eg, the formal dinner and the malay extravaganza and the dance comp. they were well planned and very interestiing altogether. however, i feel that the games a bit FEI because it feels as if they are put there just to fill in the excess time. i mean, if we have so much time, why dun they just let us go swim or play or smth? i noe they have this policy abt needing to take care of us and stuff, but we're SIXTEEN. i think we would be cautious enough to care for ourselves as well as for our peers AND be mature enough not to try anything dangerous or life-risking. i seriously didn enjoy the games and cheer comp and mascot making very much. not very well planned and a bit boring.

the rooms were good, (duh, being chalets, yeah of course) and the food was great. beasically it was a BIG scale LEISURE CAMP. serious leisure it was! BREAKFAST, LUNCH, TEA BREAK, DINNER, SUPPER. then in between we have grooming courses and light games. then at night sleep. lots of time to dilly here and there. haha.

i rmb the first major thing i did was to WASH THE BATHROOM. carn stand dirty bathrooms! MUST BE SPARKLING CLEAN. haha my policy is, everything can be dirty EXCEPT the place where i relieve myself and bathe. who cares abt the beds and stuff. haha they can have fleas everywhere for all i care. And so, i washed the bathroom. Jet spray the floor with water, then put soap everywhere and spray again to make it foamy. FINALLY it smelt better and was cleaner. to maintain its cleanliness, i loaned out my slippers to roomates and insisted they use it when walking in and out of the bathroom. haha then i made carin lend hers out too. =P but she was willing lar. =)

loved the first night. me and jlp talked, then we sang songs, till around 1 am then we slept. reallie nice. hahaha we gossiped so much! abt some ppl. then second night:

jlp: hey mr quickly wash up k! later we can talk
mr: okay okay. (walks into bathroom, uses the toilet, wash the bathroom(again), realises i forgot to take my toothbrush is, walk out to take, sees jlp lying in a VERY comfy position on the bed)
mr: eh jlp sleep already ah?
corinna: yup. i think so.
mr: oh haha (walks into bathroom with toothbrush and brushes teeth. comes out and sees corinna SPRAWLED (wahaha! so ungraceful lar!!) across her bed)
mr: (muttering to herself) did i reallie take such a long time?! (looks at jlp) haha and someone said she wanted to wait for me...=P

then i was so freaked being awake alone at night. i suddenly remembered all the horrible ghost stories my gu-gu used to tell me, abt chalets and hotels. quickly pulled the blanket over my head and slept.

formal dinner was on the second evening. at around 6 or 6.30, all the beautiful nanyang LADIES clad in their dazzling evening gowns and high heels and high hair and faces shimmering with make up made their way GRACEFULLY to the D'marque. needless to say, we attracted a lot of attention, some UNWANTED. well its not our GRACEFULNESS which attracts the wolves. its the way we dress. i mean, hundreds of young ladies dressed in back baring, leg baring, shoulder baring and whatever other barings gowns u can think of, striding down the street, all made up and ready to party certainly is spectaccular. its not everyday which u see such an event. so naturally, to put it nicely, people stare. in not such a nice way, they GAWK.

the dinner was real fun. sat with snail, penguin, juice, and the 4/4 ppl. the food was nice, (for once it was served to us!) and the activities were fun too. haha class parade was interesting! had an interestinbg time watching sqdmates stride (no not stride. WALK GRACEFULLY) up the stage, pose, and walk down. hahaha. at every interval batch 37 had a masss gathering. took a lot of pics. though many of them retarded!! can check it out in my friendster. there's a few crazy pics of my and hj dancing out class dance! hahaha obviously i didn display that for the whole world to see. then this sexy pic with me, py and mt qiao4 ERHEM. for obvious reasons i also didn put that in. i put in the 39 NCOs pics, NYCT2 pics, then me and hj's, me and mud's, sqd pic, the POWER pic, of py, jb and me doing some interesting pose which i personally like, me and py's zi pai pic! i wanted to put in wedding photo! but dunno why it JUST WOULDN APPEAR. keep having blank pages. GRAH. i wanted to put in functions pics!! but havent upload i guess. hahaha i'm good at koping photos from sqdmates.

jk had good make up! her eyes are so pretty. then mt and py were RAVISHING. i'm still trying to look for the pic where me the UGLY DUCKLING stands between the TWO RAVISHING BEAUTIES OF BATCH 37!!! omg omg omg. hahaha. its so crazy! i feel so intimidated. turn left, gorgeous mt. turn right, voluptous py. goodness. LOL.

graces ended quite well. went home happy...smsing all the way back to school! haha everyone else sleeping. guess i missed my hp too much.

this is a realliy long long post.

cos i havent blogged abt today!!

haha ytd was overstress. ended up writing so many testimonials for ppl. today i'm too relaxed. CT ENDED AT 1 SHARP. =D

lalala okay shall not blog abt today. going to jlp's house to DO SIA.

yay.

on saturday mud came over after briefing at HQ. she came for lunch, then we went out. went to library...then we had ice cream. THEN WE SAW BBT

and we couldn resist:
yz: (eyes lighting up) do u see what i see?
mr:(eyes lighting up too) YES
yz: should we?
mr: should we?
(repeats for a while)
yz: (guilty-sly smile) u want?
mr: (smiles back the same guilty-sly smile) is it too sinful to have two in one day?
yz: nope
mr: OKAY

so we drank. wahaha.

haha okay shall stop HERE!

2006-02-24T20:18:00.000+08:00

CC Comp is tmr

jiayou teamates!!!!!! u all will do well!

NYNP WILL ROCK THE PITCH!!!!!!

strive for it

go for it

and we'll get it. =)))))))))

i feel indifferent.

jiayou teams 1 and 2, and bring glory back to NYNP. strive for the best, and give ur most=)))

i'm sorrie i'm unable to be there pitching. me and jlp will be in the reserves tent doing dunno what

what kind of a rule is that....reserves must sit in some tent and STONE while ur team pitches? i just dun feel good abt it. i ALREADY dun feel good about many many things.
1) i seriously think i'm a jinx.
2) i seriously regret all the past recent decisions i have made. it has brought a lot of pain and misery to me and i think to others also.
3) i hate myself
4) i wish i'd nvr been born
5) i noe a lot of ppl want to kill me RIGHT NOW

i just dunno what else to say abt myself.
I'M THE WORLD'S GREATEST LOSER

i just want to die. i hate this nagging guilt in me. i hate feeling bad for everything i am doing because i made a wrong decision once. either commit or dun commit. GRAH i feel so halfway! i hate this feeling! but i noe its my own fault. its all my fault. my stupid fault. and i bet everyone else hates me for it too.

i'm going to be true to myself on this post. i'm a total sucker. i'm real upset and unsettled inside but i'm trying to show i'm not. which i am totally failing at and as a result appear schrizrophrenic (or HOWEVER u spell THAT) i'm happy at one moment and sad the next...i just wish i can show how i reallie feel. i wish i can express. but i cant do so. i dunno how to. ain't i pathetic?

ok. let's analyse me. i'm this human on earth who doesn noe what she wants in life. this human also always makes the wrong decisions. even worse, she has to pretend to be someone she isnt because she doesnt NOE how to be the REAL HER. she carn express her true thoughts and feelings through action. though she can through words and writings, it still isnt enough. oh my god. what is this person doing on earth then?

i'm a total failure.

i'm just upset

u can ignore this post. its just for me to vent the rest of my frustrations

sqdmates and friends and taggers: dun worrie abt me, i'll be fine once i get over this.=) thanks so much for all ur support and encouragement. i'll try to sober up and try to be happy.=) thanks.

2006-02-17T21:46:00.000+08:00

i dunno me anymore

i dunno who i am

or what the heck i'm doing on this earth.

maybe i shouldn be here. my life should have been given to someone else who needs it more than i do. cos i'm messing up my life. i dunno what the hell i'm doing with it. i- i simply suck. i reallie suck.

i dunno what's wrong with me...i just browsed through my friendster profile today. and i got a shock. i was once so happy? i couldn believe myself. i dun think i'm ever happy these days...i dunno why. i seriously feel i've depressed. i seriously feel i'm more quiet than last year, not so high anymore, not so much energy. i nearly cried when i saw my profile. i reallie missed my life in the past. i want to go back. turn back time. go back to those days when i was a sec 2, sec 3.

i just want to be happy. is that so hard? is happiness so hard to achieve? hou lao shi once corrected a zao4 ju4 for xiao1 yao2 (carefree-ness) he said that being xiao1 yao2 is impossible in this world. we are here on this earth to suffer. so no one will ever live a xiao1 yao2 life. i thought abt what he said. but how come it seems like everyone is happy? maybe its my problem. maybe my expectations for happiness are too high. but that's most unlikely. ask any sqdmate and they'll tell u how easily i'm contented. how easily i get happy. maybe its because i keep making the wrong decisions. maybe that's why i'm nvr happy and nvr will be.

i thought i would be happy after obeying my mum and doing what she said, for my heart was unable to give me any direction, and the only determination i had at that point was not wishing to let my mum down again, for i had lied to her and cheated her feelings. i betrayed her trust, and for that i had to pay. however, to my pleasant surprise, i WAS happy for a while. maybe for a few hours. but now i'm not happy again. my tiny bit of happiness is plagued by emotions of guilt, remorse, regret, nostalgia. the familiar smells, the familiar sights made me wish i had nvr nvr made that decision. now i feel so alone. so damned alone. i noe i'm not alone. i have close friends whom i can confide and DO confide in. but this life is mine. no matter who's advice i seek, or who i confide in, the final decision still lies in me. in the end, whether or not my decision is wrong, i'll bear the emotions, the consequences for my choice. in the end, i'll still be left alone to face whatever music i had brought upon. so now i'm suffering the "withdrawal symptoms" of my decision. i dunno whether i'll be able to smile from my heart again. i dunno whether i'll be able to laugh because i want to, because i reallie feel like it.

quoting darling jlp, who gave the strongest advice to me, "when life gives u lemons, make lemonade!" sounded reallie familiar but i'm not sure whether she made this line up or got it elsewhere. but its reallie meaningful. thank u so much.

thank u hj for all that support and strength u gave to me during my most down moments. i reallie appreciate it. kisses.

thank u sqdmates for bringing laughter, love and care into my life in this low point of it. i reallie appreciate u guys because u all lifted my spirits and helped me see life again. thank u thank u ever so much

oh why do i sound like i'm dying tmr?

i just wish for all these to be over...

2006-02-11T22:24:00.000+08:00

so much to blog, yet so little to say

some thoughts cannot be put into words

oh well.

today went for caiqing at kwong wai shiu hospital...the ppl i saw there reallie saddened me. of course, there are the healthier popos and gonggongs who manage to make it for our performance. they were reallie sweet, clapped reallie loudly for all the performances. i was the datouwawa with mud. then during the course of the performance we went to shake hands with the popos and gonggongs sitting around. i will nvr forget the look in their eyes when we held their hands and wished them a happy new year. it was a look of nostalgia, of elatedness. the popos and gonggongs were tearing when we held their hands...i think they were touched. i was touched too when i saw them cry. then there was this reallie sweet grandpa who kissed my hands. though i did get a bit of a shock initially from that sudden intimate contact, i thought it was reallie sweet of him. later went upstairs with sqdmates and 38 to bai nian to the popos and gonggongs who were sadly too weak to come down. most of them were bed ridden and very very ill. i bai-nianed to this popo who reallie made an impact on me. she was reallie ill, i think lack of calcium or smth. her teeth were dropping out. one tooth was stuck on her forearm. another tooth on the back of her hand. a third tooth was on the bed. there were some ants around the bed. it was reallie very scary, and i was reallie upset when i saw her in this state. however, despite her being so sick, she insisted on sitting up to receive the oranges from me. i was reallie moved. i was deciding on giving her a hug and a kiss. but i'm afraid i'll break her bones or hurt her or smth. so i didn. i just held her hands for a longer time and smiled at her.

then later the ppl started serving food to the popos and gonggongs in the function hall who watched us perform. then i helped mud feed this gonggong...he was kind of cute...we asked him whether he wanted to eat cake, then he nodded. then we cut the cake for him and fed him...then i served this reallie adorable popo. i gave her food, but she didn touch it. i thought she was unable to eat by herself too, so i started to cut the cake and i fed her. after one mouthful, she told me she didn want cake. so i gave her some chee cheong fun. then after one mouth, she also decided she didn want the chee cheong fun anymore. so i fel her some yam cake. then yup, after one mouth, yea u guessed it. haha so cute right! then i gave her some love letters to eat. she just held it on her hand. then i asked her whether she wanted to eat the love letter..and she nodded. so i held one end of it, and she held the other. and we broke the love letter. then she stuffed part of the crumbs in her mouth while i picked up the other remaining crumbs that have dropped on the floor and her chair. when i stood up again and offered her the remaining love letter, she refused it. she's so adorable! haha. i think she was a food gourmet or smth when she was younger. everything the chef cooks just try one mouthful enough. hahaha. in the end i ended up throwing everything away. the only thing she actually finished was the chrysanthemum packet drink. the best part was, after rejecting all the food i had offered her after just eating one mouthful of it, when i got back from the dustbin (i went to throw the remaining food away), she was holding ANOTHER love letter! hahaha! i just looked at her and smiled...then she looked at me, smiled and continued holding the love letter in her hand. sooo cute. haha

i had such a good experience and such a good time at kwong wai shiu hospital. reallie want to go there again...=)

must make a note of places i want to revisit...

2006-01-30T21:14:00.001+08:00

HAPPY CNY EVERYONE!

ytd was CHU YI

went to grandma's house...not many ppl were there yet. had some fun comparing heights with my cousins. leonard had an exquisite hairstyle! it was gold and bright blue...he looked like he was representing some country in the olympics. haha

wenshi...i think she lost some weight. must be the stress in school. i tried to sell my funfair tix...was calling and forcing ee anna and ee jenny to buy. stupid leonard refused to buy any. i thought he would be the most spontaneous!! hurt my little brittle heart. *sobs* hahaha. made a real good deal with wenshi. she buy my funfair tix and i'll buy hers. haha ten bucks each. no gain, no loss. PERFECT.

ee anna promised she would buy. so haha i need to remind her. then when clement gorgor comes back must pester him to buy too!

then later in the afternoon, went with leonard, wenshi, wenyi and my sis to watch i not stupid too. rmb leonard was grumbling because he was the only guy out with a ton of girls. i borrowed his jacket because it was so much warmer than the only my sis brought. and leonard was laughing at how huge it was on me. horrible horrible. the movie was so touching! we girls were crying. basically this movie is about how some parents treat their children (parents who work all day and have no time for their kids except to tuck them into bed and buy them whatever they want watch out! this movie is perfect for u!) sometimes as parents, (okay i'll say "we" because i might be a parent someday too) we must understand the needs of our child. do we reallie think that material is all they need? i noe this is all very cliche. i noe most ppl have heard this before. but a family is not a family without warmth. this is a very important point, and it is well illustrated by this part in the movie where they were celebrating fathers' day. the younger son drew a card for his father. on the card was a portrait of his father, all coloured black. his father enquired why was it that he was coloured black, and the boy's reply was, "pa u stand there in the dark." (only the father's silhouette shows) "see isnt that how it looks like on the card? that's all i rmb of u. because that;s what i see" although this is real funny, but it has a profound side to it. it isnt just laughs. these children are pathetic. and sad to say, there are many of these in singapore. many many. yes they may be rich, they may have all they want. but to them, their family is nothing. to quote tom in the movie, "i understood that my home is only a place for sleeping". its reallie sad.

another thing is attention. fine if u dun have the time to spend with ur kids. but u must divert any quality time left of ur busy 24 hours to love ur children! learn to appreciate them! that's one of the messages conveyed to us in the movie. the parents in the movie dun give a damn abt their children. they dun care abt their qualities. too negative, i think. they should learn to look on the good side of things, and learn to see the beauty in their children. children are beautiful because they are simply children. they have their innocence, vulnerability, which requires ur attention and love, as well as respect. in one of the scenes (the fathers' day one) the older son gave his father a shaver for his birthday. instead of praising him for his thoughtfulness, and thanking him for the care, his mother chided him, saying, "we already have one at home, why buy another one?" i was quite taken aback by this statement. the mother in the movie has reallie gone too far, i thought. luckily, that statement was saved slightly by the father's comment, "its okay i can use it anyway".

another thing abt some parents is that they care too much abt results. like the way the movie started with the boy narrating "i get band 1 for every subject but my mother nvr praised me. instead, she asks why i didn get higher marks" (smth like that) this is seriously wrong. i noe this society is competitive, i noe results mean nearly everything in singapore. but that's only for the academic parts. how abt character? doesnt it weigh more? again, this leads back to the appreciation part. sometimes, character builds on love. if u praise ur child, they learn to praise others. if u love them, they learn to give love! what u do to them, they follow suit and do the same to other ppl! like in a part of the movie, the parents complained that their children only answer "mm ah orh" back to them. yet when the grandma cam downstairs to talk to the parents, the father answered the same way back to the grandma "mm ah orh" the way u act affects the way ur child acts! its a vicious cycle! rmbring one of ghandi's quotes: watch ur thoughts, they become words, watch ur words, they become actions, watch ur actions, they become ur character, watch ur character, it becomes ur destiny! thus as ur actions determine ur child's actions, and his actions determine his destiny, it means that indirectly or directly, u shape ur child's destiny! so SET A GOOD EXAMPLE AND HELP SHAPE HIS DESTINY WELL!

i love this movie like crazy; it has brought me lots of tears and laughter, and it also has important values which we must all heed. i was trying to think of improvements for this movie, but...i just carn think of any. hahaha. i love love this movie!!!

CHU ER

aunties came over today! haha had a nice nice chat with my shenshen. she's reallie nice. dunno why but we just click. =)

learnt ***'s plight today. i'm reallie upset when i read the entry. i'm so sorrie...made me want to cry so much. haish. how could i not noe. how could i not sense it? how could i not sense how upset *** was? oh god. i'm such a failure. grahhhhhh.

tmr going ********** to buy stuff. haish shall learnt all abt *** tmr. shall bring some goodies to comfort *** too. love u honey. rest well.

goodnight

2006-01-30T21:14:00.000+08:00

[*my name is unique=)*]

[my name is unique=)]